I don't know what to believe anymore

[Nixee]

I really like my boyfriend, and I have been working really hard to make things work with him... yet I'm starting to wonder if it is more trouble than it is worth.... or WHY it should even be this much work?

 

I have posted before about him having issues trusting me, and how it really bothers me. I have explained to him that I have been nothing but honest with him since I met him, and how in order for our relationship to work, I really really need him to trust me.

 

His defense for all of it is that in the beginning of our relationship, I had doubts about things, and over the course of the relationship progressing I have said some things that made him feel worried and insecure, and so he feels.... defensive I guess. Worried that I will leave him, or that I am looking for someone else to date. So a number of times now I have told him that although I have had moments of doubts (doing the relationship thing isn't always easy for me), I am absolutely committed and loyal to him, and have never and would never cheat or be dishonest with him. .... This still doesn't calm or reassure him though.

 

It is as though he is always skeptical... looking for evidence of me lying. It hurts.

 

To make matters worse, two things have happened now to really throw him over the edge. Or at least... according to him they happened. I have no reason not to believe him... but... as the title of this post says - I just really don't know what to think/believe anymore at all.

 

First there was a random guy who befriended me through my facebook. I accepted his request only as a networking thing - we have the same career interests. He is from the same homestate as me though. I literally only spoke about 3 sentences to this guy. Next thing I know my b/f was asking me if I was planning on hanging out with him when I went home to see my parents next. I was shocked and appalled. WHY would he think such a thing??? Completely ridiculous and insulting... that is how it felt. ... Two tense days later he tells me that he asked me that because this guy had sent him a message via facebook telling him (my bf) that he was planning to meet me and hook up with me while I was out there. He said the message was pretty detailed and he acted very shook up about it. I had to deny it for days.

 

.... Cut to tonight (and lots of tension inbetween). My boyfriend gives me the full name of a guy I dated a year ago. He says a friend of his is friends with this man. He says he was talking to this guy and he told him that he was still in contact with me and still seeing me. From the sounds of things... it sounded like they said pretty... vulgar things about me Blatantly untrue things. This was a man I dated for about one month a year ago, then we parted ways and I literally have not been in contact with since. The ONLY thing that sounded fishy about it was that his number is still in my phone, and there have been a couple times when it has popped up on my missed calls, as recently as a couple weeks ago. The first time it happened I did text him and asked why he called. His response was that he didn't mean to... must have misdialed.

However my b/f says he told his friend all these things... dates and times we talked... even says he knew I was going home for a visit soon. ... I'm just seriously creeped out

 

After I got done talking to my b/f.... who once again doesn't trust me. (did he ever?) .. I sent a text to the man in question asking him about all of this. He said he never said anything about me to anyone, and that he is getting married soon.

 

I don't know what to think. It is so painful having no trust. It is so painful knowing that I've never been dishonest at all to this guy who I really like... and yet things just keep falling down around me beyond my control.

And it is so painful not knowing what to believe. Just like my b/f says he wants to believe me and trust me, BUT... "this is just too weird... " I kinda agree with him... this is weird! Two guys? Two obsessed weirdos in two months? ... Is it just a coincidence?

 

I really felt there was long term potential before all of this I don't know what to do.

[sidehop]

Does his trust issue stem from other things? His own personal life? Experience from the past? It seems out of line for him to doubt you just for the reasons you described that happened in the beginning.

[Lamour detruit]

Hard to say. It seems your guy has some extreme insecurities and jealousy issues that are wreaking havoc on your relationship. I could perhaps understand if it happened in the beginning when there were still doubts, but it is past that stage now. From what I can read, you have been doing nothing wrong, and you are doing all you can to do your part to make things work. I agree that it is too much of a coincidence, and it seems your boyfriend is doing his best to get to the bottom of things even when there is nothing bad going on.

 

The first guy...why would this random person from your state, suddenly message your boyfriend things ?...seems kind of strange if he did indeed have bad intentions, and its kind of hard to believe that did happen.

 

As for the guy you once dated..not sure what to think there. Its all kind of vague and unclear. So a friend of your boyfriend, talked to one of your exes..and there was some things he knew that he shouldn't have ?..seems like its possible your boyfriend is making things up, but its hard to say.

 

I agree it is too much of a coincidence for this to occur so quickly after one another. Something is up there.

[DN]

To be very honest with you I can see why your boyfriend has concerns.

 

1. "I had doubts about things, and over the course of the relationship progressing I have said some things that made him feel worried and insecure"

 

2. First there was a random guy who befriended me through my facebook. I accepted his request only as a networking thing - we have the same career interests. He is from the same homestate as me though.

 

3. This was a man I dated for about one month a year ago, then we parted ways and I literally have not been in contact with since. The ONLY thing that sounded fishy about it was that his number is still in my phone, and there have been a couple times when it has popped up on my missed calls, as recently as a couple weeks ago. The first time it happened I did text him and asked why he called. His response was that he didn't mean to... must have misdialed.

 

Can you not see why he is worried?

[Nixee]

Does his trust issue stem from other things? His own personal life? Experience from the past? It seems out of line for him to doubt you just for the reasons you described that happened in the beginning.

 

I often try to bring up gently with him and ask whether something happened to him that would make him not trust me... but he never answers me straight... so I have no answer to this. I know his relationship past for the most part, but he is actually much more guarded than I am.... even though I started off more reluctant to commit and wishing to take things slow.

 

He often says things like.. "just please don't hurt me... I don't want to get hurt or bitter.... "

 

To which I reply, "somethings you can't protect yourself against. I don't intend to hurt you... but in order to love and be in a real relationship, you have to let down your guard and be vulnerable"

 

Hard to say. It seems your guy has some extreme insecurities and jealousy issues that are wreaking havoc on your relationship. I could perhaps understand if it happened in the beginning when there were still doubts, but it is past that stage now. From what I can read, you have been doing nothing wrong, and you are doing all you can to do your part to make things work. I agree that it is too much of a coincidence, and it seems your boyfriend is doing his best to get to the bottom of things even when there is nothing bad going on.

 

The first guy...why would this random person from your state, suddenly message your boyfriend things ?...seems kind of strange if he did indeed have bad intentions, and its kind of hard to believe that did happen.

 

As for the guy you once dated..not sure what to think there. Its all kind of vague and unclear. So a friend of your boyfriend, talked to one of your exes..and there was some things he knew that he shouldn't have ?..seems like its possible your boyfriend is making things up, but its hard to say.

 

I agree it is too much of a coincidence for this to occur so quickly after one another. Something is up there.

 

As for the first guy... I have no idea. When my status on facebook said that I would be making a trip back home again (to let my friends back home know I'd be there), I got a very brief, casual message from him asking what city I'm from. I responded very brief back... literally 3 words or so "I'm from ___" ... He could see who I'm dating from my info page though... and if he was attracted to me, or deciding to make "moves" on me or "steal" me or any nonsense like that... I suppose that is the explanation that makes sense. He clicked on my b/f and sent him a message.

 

The other guy... I guess him and my b/f have a mutual friend - that is the story there. Somehow my name came up in conversation (I have an unusual name) and this guy said "oh... I know her.. " something along those lines... and he proceeded to make claims about me that were untrue - mainly that we still talk and see each other regularly, which of course got reported back to my b/f.

 

But of course I am in the dark here. All of this I am only hearing from my b/f. The first guy... he never messaged me anything shady... only my b/f. To help comfort my b/f after that, I unfriended him right away. No big loss to me anyways. And the second guy... as I said, when I sent him texts trying to clear the air, he denied the whole thing. So obviously someone is lying. I'm perfectly happy to believe it is the jerk I dated a year ago, since he very abruptly stopped calling me and couldn't get his stories straight even back then.... but either way, all I know is that *I* am innocent... yet I'm being assumed guilty here.. and it sucks

 

I did think of the possibility that my b/f is making things up... but then he knew the guy's full name even.... and unless he was being REALLY shady and creepier than I want to think him capable of... I just don't know how? I told him about this guy before, but never those details.

 

To be very honest with you I can see why your boyfriend has concerns.

 

1. "I had doubts about things, and over the course of the relationship progressing I have said some things that made him feel worried and insecure"

 

2. First there was a random guy who befriended me through my facebook. I accepted his request only as a networking thing - we have the same career interests. He is from the same homestate as me though.

 

3. This was a man I dated for about one month a year ago, then we parted ways and I literally have not been in contact with since. The ONLY thing that sounded fishy about it was that his number is still in my phone, and there have been a couple times when it has popped up on my missed calls, as recently as a couple weeks ago. The first time it happened I did text him and asked why he called. His response was that he didn't mean to... must have misdialed.

 

Can you not see why he is worried?

 

Yes... I can see why he is worried, and I have told him that. But I have also tried to tell him many times now that although I felt on shaky ground at the beginning of the relationship, things truly have gotten a lot better for me and my feelings have progressed a lot. Never once have I pushed him away or said I wanted to end it. All I did was tell him that committing to a relationship is hard for me after my painful past... and I need him to be patient and understanding. Even as my feelings were growing for him, sometimes I would just have the urge to run... not because I didn't like him, but because I get scared. .... But I had gotten past all of that when the bulk of this trust stuff started. Yet he still seems to hold onto my old words and not let me move forward

 

The random guy... to be honest I never ever friend people I don't know, and that was the one exception, and it backfired... which of course will make me even more guarded now, which sucks. But my career field is VERY exclusive, and meeting other contacts who do that line of work... it is valuable. The specific line he does can only be trained in this country by apprenticeship even. So that is why I accepted it. I told my b/f the same afternoon I got the first message from him.

 

The other guy.... yes... his number is in my phone. Everyone's is. I never delete numbers... I'm lazy about it. To me it doesn't matter I guess because I'm generally not the weak sort - I don't drunk dial, I don't call if I say I'm not going to... basically just because a number is there doesn't mean I'm going to use it. I know that also means I could delete it. But in this case... when some guy who is maybe being creepy and still calling me and telling lies about me is in the picture... I'm sorta glad now that his name comes up and not just some random mystery number. Maybe it looks bad... but then... my bf doesn't look at my phone and shouldn't have to. .... He should trust me

[geekgirl4]

Only thing you can do is delete and block these guys, tell your boyfriend you will be more vigilant about these kind of guys, and just keep reassuring him that it's a freaky weird coincidence and you have no intention of continuing it. It's worrisome to partners when their SO does not take action to do away with the situations/people that are causing a relationship rift. Unwanted things happen in relationships, the main point is whether the partner does anything to change it. Take action, block these guys and never talk to them again. You scared your bf in the beginning by having some doubts but at the same time, your bf is being a bit too insecure. Work together to get through this and continually show him that you have no intention of being close to these guys.

[hexaemeron]

Your boyfriend is the first guy I'm going to net-diagnose with hex-patented Broken-Woman-Supersleuthing syndrome™. He's pinwheeling looking for anything he can latch onto to justify his continued insecurities and paranoia. He wants to be right. He doesn't want to do the work required to be a fully-functional person in this relationship. Someone's burned him and now he's just going to repeat a cycle of categorically dismissing everyone he dates as out to hurt him and getting rid of them before they could hurt him.

 

What can you do when someone's pursuing an active goal not of "I want to grow enough to trust you", but rather "I want to prove your guilt so I can be right."

 

Sounds like it's time, Nixee. I'm sorry.

[Nixee]

Only thing you can do is delete and block these guys, tell your boyfriend you will be more vigilant about these kind of guys, and just keep reassuring him that it's a freaky weird coincidence and you have no intention of continuing it. It's worrisome to partners when their SO does not take action to do away with the situations/people that are causing a relationship rift. Unwanted things happen in relationships, the main point is whether the partner does anything to change it. Take action, block these guys and never talk to them again. You scared your bf in the beginning by having some doubts but at the same time, your bf is being a bit too insecure. Work together to get through this and continually show him that you have no intention of being close to these guys.

 

 

 

Your boyfriend is the first guy I'm going to net-diagnose with hex-patented Broken-Woman-Supersleuthing syndrome™. He's pinwheeling looking for anything he can latch onto to justify his continued insecurities and paranoia. He wants to be right. He doesn't want to do the work required to be a fully-functional person in this relationship. Someone's burned him and now he's just going to repeat a cycle of categorically dismissing everyone he dates as out to hurt him and getting rid of them before they could hurt him.

 

What can you do when someone's pursuing an active goal not of "I want to grow enough to trust you", but rather "I want to prove your guilt so I can be right."

 

Sounds like it's time, Nixee. I'm sorry.

 

First off... haha.. your diagnosis made me chuckle hex... kudos at least... I needed that, frustrating and painful as this all is... ](*,)

 

Basically I want you both to be right here. Because I do kinda feel like I'm starting to love the guy, and I don't feel ready to give up. And yeah, maybe I am a bit stubborn too... so it sucks. I don't develop these feelings easy... giving up over nothing (read: giving up when I truly haven't cheated, and never have intended to), just really sucks.

 

So, yes... I am following geekgirl's advice... I've blocked the guy's who have been the subject of worry, and I'm trying very hard to I guess... "prove" myself to him... to reassure him. ... But of course... the rest truly is up to him.

 

So far, he says he does care a lot for me...love me even, and he seems to want to make things work, although he seems to finally acknowledge that there are issues that need to be worked on, saying "you deserve to be with someone who will give you trust"

 

I'm not sure how much hope I have... but if he truly has admitted there is a problem, and that he wants to have a strong relationship with me...i guess for now I'm going to keep what hope I have alive and see what happens.

[Apollo10]

Nixee,

 

Give some more examples of "things you said

over the course of the relationship that would make him doubt you....There are two sides to a story and I would find his side interesting to listen to as to why he feels mistrust..There has to be more to this

 

Honestly...girls that seem relationship phobic make me weary..If I was him and found that my gf felt doubt or unsure of a relationship I probably would have left without looking back at that very sign..Girls like that I dont walk away from....I run

 

Another thing about the second guy...A man that you only dated for a month...to me it seems kinda odd that two people that dated with things ending bad would stilll have each others number in their phone after a YEAR..

 

Your boyfriend never came to you at all and said "hey this is really bothering me"?...if he's at that point where his friend is being told by this guy "lies"...seems kinda odd that he wouldnt come to you and say everything that was bothering him..

 

Based on the cell phone guy I can kinda sympathize with your bf and would like to hear more to give some of my advice to where you can get him to trust you

[CordelliaG]

He may be lying, it's very possible. I think he probably does have a friend in common with your ex-date, and your name came up, but he may be stretching things. Or his friend could be putting ideas into his head, that happens. No idea about the FB guy, that's just weird, but you should block that guy either way because regardless of what happened, his presence in your life is causing problems in your relationship and he is better forgotten.

 

At the same time, I think that it is kind of your fault that he is insecure in the relationship. Even if your feelings have changed and your doubts have gone or lessened, it is absurd to start a relationship with expressing your doubts like that and then expect the other person to not be guarded with you later in the relationship, even if your doubts have gone away. Everyone has doubts at the beginning of a relationship, but if you harp on those doubts and worry about them and act all guarded from the get go, your partner will naturally feel suspicious and insecure and it will take a lot of time and hard work from you to make him understand that those doubts are gone. It's like planting a seed of pessimism about the relationship and your compatibility. Now it's his turn to have doubts, can't blame him for that.

[Wheezy100]

I agree with Cordellia and think she hit the nail head on. Who wants to be with someone that from the beginning and throughout expresses doubts or says things that make the SO doubt and feel worried? I can only imagine what you said to him. That is a very bad relationship starter and if that is the case I think you will lose him. Has he tried breaking up with you? I see this situation as more your fault than his.

 

Yet to now expect him to drop at the hat and give you complete trust is asking WAY too much. These doubts began with you. Dont expect him to just drop it. The doubts need to end with you and I'm sure there is a way to make him see that. Yet I feel there is alot more to this story as to why he now has doubts.

 

He may be lying about things with those two guys. Yet he knew that man's full name. How would he know that you dated him by looking through your phone? So, there you go. I think they do have a mutual friend.

 

Like Apollo said, I'd like to hear more about why your bf would feel doubt. I think he must've by now come to you and told you what was bothering him.

 

I wish you luck. If you want a serious relationship then you have to be serious about it. However, dont be surprised if he walks..I think the relationship died after those dreaded doubts..

[Ellie2006]

 

His defense for all of it is that in the beginning of our relationship, I had doubts about things, and over the course of the relationship progressing I have said some things that made him feel worried and insecure, and so he feels.... defensive I guess. .

 

Whatever happened to him saying that HE will deal with HIS issues of insecurity?

 

Honestly, I do not like the fact that he is trying to blame YOU for "making" him feel insecure. He is insecure, period, with or without your initial doubt about the relationship. He has always been insecure and he will always be insecure.

 

So what is it that he wants you to do, exactly, to do away with his insecurities? Do you cut off all contact from anyone of the opposite sex? If he's starting out with random friends and ex boyfriends from a year ago, what's going to keep him from getting antsy about co-workers, other ex boyfriends, guy friends, that guy you glanced at at Starbucks?

 

He's being ridiculous. If he knows you at all, he should already know by now that you are reliable.

[Nixee]

Whatever happened to him saying that HE will deal with HIS issues of insecurity?

 

Honestly, I do not like the fact that he is trying to blame YOU for "making" him feel insecure. He is insecure, period, with or without your initial doubt about the relationship. He has always been insecure and he will always be insecure.

 

So what is it that he wants you to do, exactly, to do away with his insecurities? Do you cut off all contact from anyone of the opposite sex? If he's starting out with random friends and ex boyfriends from a year ago, what's going to keep him from getting antsy about co-workers, other ex boyfriends, guy friends, that guy you glanced at at Starbucks?

 

He's being ridiculous. If he knows you at all, he should already know by now that you are reliable.

 

 

There has been so much to deal with lately that my head is just spinning....

 

I thought the drama to do with all of this - the guy I'd dated a year ago, past doubts, worries, etc... was calming down and had been dealt with, and that we were doing well... only to go home and visit my sick father and come back two weeks later and find him still not at all ok with the situation.

 

At first he acted ok, but it kept coming up. Eventually his insecurity caused him to look at my cell phone at my missed and outgoing calls. He found an outgoing call to the guy from the beginning of May and it threw him into a brand new fit of mistrust. The call was roughly 1 minute or less in length according to the phone and I truly and honestly have no recollection of it. My phone has a touchscreen and it is entirely possible that I accidently called the guy right back after one of his missed calls to me came up on my notifications. It is also possible that I called back intending to ask him to stop calling me. I just couldn't say, because I don't care.

 

My boyfriend couldn't believe this... he had a hard time trusting and understanding why that 1 min. call was there - the call he had to spy on my phone to see.

 

After much talking... and trying hard to listen to his side... his worries... as well as explain MY side and myself clearly... I hoped very much that we were getting somewhere... Yet this past weekend again we fought twice over the same thing. Friday night I asked him for peace and quiet so I could rest... be calm for one night - no fighting, no arguing... just a nice evening at home. He was agitated, felt unresolved things and ended up texting me literally all night. I told him I wasn't sure how I felt about seeing him the next day because of how tense things were and how hurt I was feeling, but that I would try to rest and call him after work. He was begging to see me and couldn't take my maybe as an answer. When I told him I didn't feel I wanted to see him Saturday because of how he was acting just then, then he started with the ultimatums - basically "well then I'm done with you." Give me the answer I want or you are out of my life, so to speak.

 

To that sort of threat, I simply agree - "ok, then... it isn't what I'd wanted.. but I don't want a relationship with someone speaking to me like that, and I certainly don't want to see you right now, and I feel very certain you will regret what you are saying." ... Sure enough, by morning the flood of apologies. He is disgusted with himself. He didn't mean the things he said. He doesn't want to lose me.

 

Over and over and over again I just tell him all he has to do is trust me like he knows he can... like deep down he knows is right. He says he does.... but when he says it, it is as though he is saying it to appease me, not like he is meaning it deeply. There is a bigger part of him that is simply more preoccupied with this other guy I dated. As though he is a detective solving a mystery. He just has to have the answers.

 

Perhaps despite my better judgment, and due to his earnest apologies, and my soft spot for him, and I guess my desire for things to just be closer to "alright" right now... I did see him Saturday. It was good, and he was on good behavior. There is drama between us lately of course, but there is a reason we like to be around each other, and it was there, and we were trying to find more of it.

 

During dinner however.... my phone had yet another of those missed calls. By now of course his number is deleted from my phone, but I could recognize it. I also had the last text convo between he and I (where he claimed he wasn't telling lies about me) still saved in the phone, and the number matched. This time though, a voicemail was left on accident. It was just dead air, random sounds... you could hear voices talking.... a man, woman, and child. It seemed harmless enough to me, if annoying. A true misdial perhaps. But of course... just enough to eat at my bf.

 

By Sunday evening he had asked to listen to the voicemail. Then to see my outgoing calls over the past few days to verify that I hadn't been calling him (and that this wasn't a callback attempt). Then he pretty much demanded that I call or text him right then and there and ask him to remove my number from his phone. We fought over this. ....Not over whether this guy should have my number anymore....(though my b/f probably thought I was trying to let him keep it)... but what I fought against was him demanding things of me rather than simply having the power to let it go.

 

And still, there is another very important piece of the story.

 

Yesterday I also got the news that my father's cancer treatment is being stopped and hospice has been contacted. My father, one of the most important people in my life, is the the end stages of his life.

Just a couple hours before my bf got worked up over this phone call from this other guy and started grilling me about it, I had been sobbing uncontrollably after getting off the phone with my mother.

When he started asking me about the voicemail, then outgoing calls, then to call or text the guy... I looked him square in the eye and said "please, please let this go. Please, I have had a very hard day and have just had some of the roughest news of my life and I don't want to do this right now."

 

He couldn't let it go.

 

So... we fought. I tried so hard to get him to trust. He kept telling me how huge a deal this all was to him. How it looks so bad that this guy still calls me and has said those things about me. All I could say was "but I don't call him... and I don't DO those things with him that he says.... it is all lies, so it doesn't matter, and you need to let it go." ... but it was like talking to a wall. Too worked up to let go. He said the only thing that would make him happy was if I called or texted the guy like he asked. So.. I grabbed my phone and did it... and promptly grabbed my stuff to leave. And once again instantly the remorse hit him. He was sorry, he couldn't control himself... he felt disgusted with himself.... He felt he failed me...

 

So that is where I sit today... apologies last night after yet another world of hurt and mistrust. And apologies this morning, followed by best behavior most of today.... only questions about family status, etc.

 

I don't know what to do. Half of the time (when he is calm and apologizing) he actually does admit fault, and that it is his problem. He has the good intentions that it takes... and the big heart. But when he gets worked up... he is stubborn, not calm..and he can't see things in the same clear way as I do. I feel like I see how we are collapsing and he just doesn't. It hurts.

 

I know I can't put up with these fights anymore... or the behavior he showed me this weekend. I can't do it. Between that and my own grief from everything else in my life, I feel it will be necessary to distance myself at least from any negativity he shows me. As some have said, sure... maybe I did contribute to his insecurity at the beginning. But there comes a point where lines are just crossed. Insecure due to expressed doubts is one thing. But in NO way did I invite or encourage a random guy to message him on Facebook. Or a guy from my past to say bad things about me to my bf's friend. Nor did I invite my bf to spy on my phone.... or demand I show him my call lists... or that I call that other guy to request he remove my number.

 

There is feeling insecure.... and then there is actively being insecure and battling with your insecurities.

[Ellie2006]

oh Nixee, so sorry to hear about your dad.

so so sorry ....

 

I'll remember your family in my prayers.

 

Hugs.

[Nixee]

Thank you Ellie.... that means a lot to me

[hexaemeron]

Nixee, I didn't want to be right here, but it's pretty clear that I was. You need to cut him loose. He's broken and you can't fix him.

 

I mean, he knows about your dad and he doesn't recognize it's time to stfu and be a support? No, it's still time to obsess over nothing!

 

I'm so so sorry but you need to let him go.

[Nixee]

Hex, when you are right, you are right... and I will admit you often are. I didn't want you to be right either... just like I didn't want to be right about him (even if me being right meant that he is having more issues than he should be having).

 

It just hurts though, and when you are IN it... it is harder (obviously).

 

Just a bit ago I told him that what I still wish we could have is the chance to rebuild things - if only he could completely let things go and show trust in me. But right now I just feel hurt, and then numb from all the fighting.. right on top of everything else in my life.

 

Perhaps it is for the best that I will have to leave and focus 100% of my time on my father and my family because it will be a forced break anyways without me even having to make the decision.

 

I know absolutely that I cannot change him. I've been down that road with others before and it is pointless. But as I tried to tell him, I know now that trust is something I must have in a relationship, and I know that in order for things to work between two people you really need to choose your battles.

 

Maybe some time and distance will do him good. Maybe he will start to see some things that my requesting can't get him to see. Maybe not. I just can't fight anymore.

[Ellie2006]

Nixee, go and be with your family now.

 

I didnt think this was the time to talk about your bf and his irrational behavior BUT I will say one thing for now: Hex is right - if he can't be there FOR you in your time of need, then he is no good.

 

Honestly, it boggles my mind how he thought that it'd be ok to have one of these "jealous fits" at this particular time with all that's going on with your father.

 

Sending best wishes your way ...

[tonnywillgram]

Trust is one of the pillar in a relationship.

If he is still in doubt about you then maybe better reconsider things. There is no point of listening to all his childish acts!

[Nixee]

Nixee, go and be with your family now.

 

I didnt think this was the time to talk about your bf and his irrational behavior BUT I will say one thing for now: Hex is right - if he can't be there FOR you in your time of need, then he is no good.

 

Honestly, it boggles my mind how he thought that it'd be ok to have one of these "jealous fits" at this particular time with all that's going on with your father.

 

Sending best wishes your way ...

 

Its ok Ellie... you have a good heart.

 

I talk about it myself because... well.. it has been happening and it is still happening. Life doesn't stop and the world doesn't turning at one awful thing... as much as I've wished it would (trust me.. ugh ](*,) ) But well, I guess in his meager defense... he can't stop his feelings from coming either. Though what he lacks is his ability to control them - control how he handles them.

 

Trust is one of the pillar in a relationship.

If he is still in doubt about you then maybe better reconsider things. There is no point of listening to all his childish acts!

 

I think... thankfully, that his doubts about ME are starting to fade. But who knows truly... After all of that then, he chooses to direct his frustration at the guy who has been saying bad things about me... that he was cheating WITH me, etc... I just want it let go of.

 

So I agree, and I very much take it all into consideration