Caught girlfriend on web cam / adult chat rooms

[loverboy22]

I recently caught my girlfriend using web cam sites to find guys and ask them to get naked and put on a "show" for her. I have also caught her visiting adult chat rooms and having cyber sex with strangers. The thing is, she doesn't know that I know.

 

I don't know if I should confront her or not. She says that i'm the only guy she wants to see but then she goes online asking people to "perform" for her. I don't know how to feel about this. I wouldn't classify it as cheating but I dont want her talking to strangers for sexual needs when she has me, especially when she is getting other guys "get off" online. On the plus side, she has been very horny recently which as benefited me lol.

 

Can people tell me if what she is doing is normal? She goes on these websites quite a bit. I hope its not an addiction. We have been together for a while and I love her but what does this say about her? Should I confront her about it or let it be? Please share your thoughts.

[hexaemeron]

How is your sex life?

[Jd1983]

In my opinion, this does classify as cheating.

 

She is asking other guys to perform for her, having cyber sex with strangers, getting other guys off etc?

 

This is completely different from viewing porn. This is crossing the line.

 

I would never tolerate this behavior from my partner.

 

Sure, we all have different opinions of what's cheating and what's not. However, if I were you I would definitely confront her. If she could go and do this, it's just a matter of time before she actually meets these guys and have sex with them.

[hurteverytime4]

This is just an option. For right now, I would let it go. Unless its worth breaking up over. I would waite a few months maybe and if it continues bring it up very carefuly if you feel you need to. On the other hand if you are lossing sleep over it, take care of it now. I don't think she is unhappy with you or "cheating". Its somthing I would let go at first until it got out of hand and only you will know what "out of hand" feels like.

[Scoutconfuse]

I think it's pretty comparable to a guy going online and looking at porn for some sexual needs/wants. Honestly if I had a girl doing that I really don't think I'd care as long as she never goes to meet these people in real life, and as long as she dosn't care that once and awhile I might watch porn. Is it costing her $$? then I might a small issue, but more so about spending the un-necasary $. My last girl liked to watch ALOT of porn, at first I was kinda taken back a bit, but turned out to be really fun, we tried some things she liked watching.

[hexaemeron]

I think it's pretty comparable to a guy going online and looking at porn for some sexual needs/wants. Honestly if I had a girl doing that I really don't think I'd care as long as she never goes to meet these people in real life, and as long as she dosn't care that once and awhile I might watch porn. Is it costing her $$? then I might a small issue, but more so about spending the un-necasary $. My last girl liked to watch ALOT of porn, at first I was kinda taken back a bit, but turned out to be really fun, we tried some things she liked watching.

 

This would be my feeling. I highly doubt it would bother me.

[loverboy22]

To answer questions. Recently my sex life has been great which is why I'm debating bringing it up lol Shes been wanted to try new things recently which I have been open too I just wasnt sure where it was all coming from. Maybe her hormones are just all out of wack recently? When we first started dating we didnt have sex too often but currently shes really into it.

 

It does bug me but then I get over it once I see her and I see how happy she is to be with me. I know she deeply loves me and I would have never thought she would cheat on me...but then I see her on these sites and I wonder if she wonders what it would be like with another guy (im the only person she has slept with)

 

I just want to find out if this is normal or not. Wasnt sure if adult chat room's were a girl's version of porn lol She does go on quite a bit and I want to make sure its not something that turns into an addiction. Is this normal? Should i confront her? If so, how?

[hexaemeron]

Well, this really comes down to whether or not you personally like what she's doing. If you bring this up, I'm almost certain your sex life will totally crater. So I'd only mention it if you have a really fundamental, serious problem with it.

[Lamour detruit]

I wouldn't be so quick to compare it to "normal" porn. Porn is something mindless, something that is the furthest away from personal. Asking people to perform for you, even when it's online..is a little different. Makes it seem like she has a need to look at other guys putting up a show for her in order to satisfy her cravings.

 

Not saying it's reason enough to break up, but I am saying it is reason enough to at least bring it up.

[loverboy22]

Yeah, if It was just porn I wouldn't mind. This just seems different. I don't know...she told me today that she missed me and was going to give me a "booty call" because she really wanted me but she didnt because she was on her period. I know she wanted this booty call sometime during or after being on those sites...

 

I was going to let if go. But if people think this is cheating and not normal maybe I should bring it up...the question is how?

[Lamour detruit]

If everything else seems normal, and you guys are happy...perhaps not bring it up yet, but do pay attention to her behavior. Wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable in the relationship if this indeed bothers you.

[loverboy22]

On another note. I know she wants a long term commitment. Shes has brought up marriage and kids a number of times. Does this change anything?

[loverboy22]

Yeah, the relationship is very good. We are both happy and love each other.

 

Part of me wants to bring it up hoping she will stop. But I'm also afraid it might turn into a negative discussion and wouldn't want it to hurt the relationship.

[Taikero]

Why don't you ask her what she wants you to do in the bedroom?

 

Offer to put on a show, do mutual masturbation, or whatever she wants. Pay attention to her desires and in all likelihood her chat room/webcam visits will taper off.

 

If she continues and it bothers you, say something and try not to be accusatory. Bring it up as if you're curious and you want to know more about her sexual side so you can please her better so she doesn't want to look elsewhere.

[greywolf]

I think she has some domination fantasies. Does she tell these guys what to do and how to get off for her?

[geekgirl4]

Welll, normal depends more on what you are ok with. She hasn't physically cheated on you, though I find it a bit weird that she asks other guys to perform in front of her. But, if your relationship is just as strong and you aren't bothered by it, well, I think it' ok. You run into problems if your relationship is dwindling and she's supplementing her relationship with you for these adult chats. But if everything is great, she still showers you with love and affection, and you're ok with it- *shrug* I think it's ok.

[rustyschackelf]

Alot of people are comparing this to watching porn but I think there is no comparison. When u watch porn there is no interaction, it's simply a pre-recorded video of a sexually explicit nature. But she is interacting with these guys and as you said having cybersex with them, possibly even putting on a show for them. This in my opinion is absolutely cheating and totally disrespectful to you. If I were you I wouldn't stand for it at all.

[hexaemeron]

Welll, normal depends more on what you are ok with. She hasn't physically cheated on you, though I find it a bit weird that she asks other guys to perform in front of her. But, if your relationship is just as strong and you aren't bothered by it, well, I think it' ok. You run into problems if your relationship is dwindling and she's supplementing her relationship with you for these adult chats. But if everything is great, she still showers you with love and affection, and you're ok with it- *shrug* I think it's ok.

 

This is an internet lapdance. If guys can go to the titty bar and get a dance, why can't she have one too?

[hers]

How did you find out?

[anggrace]

I don't think this is "normal" behaviour for women in relationships. I also wouldn't compare it to a guy watching porn. She's not just watching, she's interacting. I wouldn't be okay with that. But whether or not you confront her about it depends on how YOU feel about it. We can't tell you where your personal boundries lie. That's up to you. If you're not comfortable with it, simply tell her. There's nothing wrong with letting her know how you feel. It will then be up to her to decide if she wants to stop. If the benefits of a greater sexlife outway the bad feelings this gives you, than don't say anything. I would just be careful that she doesn't get carried away with it if she does continue.

[oldenoughtoknow]

As you're seeing here, everybody has their own version of "normal." In my mind, this would be cheating. Porn is a one way interaction. You are the viewer - only. With what she's doing, there is an interaction between two people. I think it is disrespectful of your relationship. She, and any number of her playmates, could form a bond that would destroy your relationship. What if she found out one of them lived right around the corner? That's my opinion. The most important question here is...how do YOU feel about it?