How much visitation is fair

[rebeccafisher2]

My ex and I were together for 4.5 years and split up 10 weeks ago. We have an 18 month old baby boy together. At first he was OK to see him once a week for one hour. After a month or so of this we had a fight and he disappeared and didnt contact me at all for about a month.

 

A few days ago he contacts me to see his son and I agreed. We live an hour away from each other now, and we met halfway. I thought he would just be content to see him as its been so long, but although he was happy to see him and play with him, he also discussed with me that next time he wants to have him alone at his house for a few days. I said no, definitely not for the moment. We left it like that.

 

Am I wrong? Should I let him have him for a few days alone every other weekend? I feel like after everything he put me through during our split (he tried to have my son legally taken away from me, he was verbally abusive, he walked away for a month without a word) I think its nice of me to give him an hour or so every weekend but with my presence. By the way I do not have to do this, we were not married and I have full parental rights, so he does not have any rights so far unless he takes this to court.

 

I dont want to be a ex wife type person. I want to be fair. At the same time I am hesitant of him having my son for days alone, I just feel its too soon since from when he treated us so badly. I appreciate any advice.

 

By the way, he is not that responsable (he didnt take care of our son hardly at all when we lived together, I did mostly everything which is one of the reasons I split with him) and by him taking him, he means taking him to his mothers where she takes care of him and he comes and goes from his mums house during that time. I dont get on at all well with his mum, she has called me an incapable mother, she doesnt think very highly of me, she is manipulative. She really doesnt have ANY visitation rights but is obviously telling my ex she wants to see her grandson ASAP in her environment. I offered to my ex that she can also come with him on the weekend when we meet halfway in order to see her son.

 

I really dont want them to go to court over this. I want to be fair but feel its too soon for me to give them so much visitation.

 

Thanks for reading, and any advice on this really appreciated.

[sidehop]

By the way I do not have to do this, we were not married and I have full parental rights, so he does not have any rights so far unless he takes this to court.

 

Do you have both physical & legal custody?

[avman]

For such a young child and with a father that hasn't been heavily involved I would not suggest multi-day overnight visits right now. What about two visits per week? Or perhaps a bit longer visit than an hour?

 

By the way I do not have to do this, we were not married and I have full parental rights, so he does not have any rights so far unless he takes this to court.

 

This isn't really the best attitude to have. He is this childs father so to hide behind the whole "well you aren't adjudicated yet so technically I don't have to let you see him at all" approach will only serve to increase animosity.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you should get some legal advice on this matter.

[DN]

If you become too intransigent over this you could find a judge gives him at least what he is asking for now unless you can prove he is unfit to look after the child on his own and/or with his mother's help.

[FreedomRing]

I really can't stand when mother's get this way.

 

Sighhhhh.

 

The fact of the matter is, you hooked up with a guy who was irresponsible and had a kid. To deny him(his family and YOUR SON) of his right to be with him NOW, is ridiculous if you've never sought protection in a court system or recieved some kind of court order which would support supervised visits.

 

You're allowing your emotions to dictate things here....let him see his kid, or handle this in court officially.

[rebeccafisher2]

Thanks so much for your responses it really helps to hear other peoples opinions who can be more objective than I am managing to be at the moment

[FreedomRing]

You are welcome. Don't become one of those bitter ex's.

 

There are plenty of dead-beat parents out there.....if he wants to see his kid, why deny him???? Moreover, if he threatens to cause harm or inflict harm to your kid, handle it in the courts, but if it hasn't come to that yet, it's just not right to deny the father and your son, and his father's family(who are innocent) a right to a relationship with him.

 

Be mature.