Wedding Registries

[catalina]

My fiance and I don't want to register for wedding gifts. We have everything we need. Most of it is used, so we don't mind getting new things, but don't care to register. We are not saying we want just cash. But, I want something that my guests want to give. I don't want to pick out things on a registry and tell people what to give me.

 

What do I tell people if they ask where I'm registered?

Is it okay NOT to register?

 

Any and all opinions and suggestions welcome.

 

Thanks!

[sophie274]

It's absolutely fine not to register, and if people ask just say "we are not registering for gifts". However, I just want to warn you that unless you are going to tell people that you do not want gifts, not registering may be a bad move. I think people LIKE the registry when they buy presents for a wedding, because it allows them to give something that they know the bride and groom will appreciate, with a range of prices to choose from. (I know I certainly would rather pick something off the registry than come up with a great gift idea - and a registry does not mean that the guests can't give something else if they want to to.) You're likely setting yourself up for about 50 cookbooks and an equal number of engraved silver picture frames.

 

I think that unless you are going to be asking guests not to give any presents, registering is a good idea.

[catalina]

Thanks... my fiance and I are incredibly non-picky. I wouldn't mind getting a dozen cookbooks or picture frames. I don't mind if I get gifts. I just don't want to pick any out.

[annie24]

i went to a reception where the invites said, "No presents, just your presence." I guess if they ask, you could tell them as you told us, that you would like some cook books or picture frames or something that the guests thought you might like.

 

i've heard horror stories about wedding gifts, lol. like a woman who got a set of tacky crystal picture frames she got from her future sister-in-law, who got it on her wedding 7 years ago. she knew, because the card was still in the box addressed to the sis!

[catfeeder]

Not registering is fine. Registries are a retail concept that presumes gift giving and is considered tacky by many.

[astromantic]

I can tell you coming from an Asian background (chinese specifically) we never use registries. However it is common knowledge that you give cash. That cash is expected to cover your cost of coming to the reception - if you were just invited to the ceremony then nothing is really expected of you, but if you come to dine and wine, the polite thing to do is to at least cover the cost of your meal as your gift to the bride and groom to celebrate their wedding with them. Its not that our culture expects to make money off of each other, just to cover cost although I have heard that with korean weddings the norm is for the groom and bride to make money from it. Whether this is true or not I have no idea, or perhaps my korean coworker was pulling my leg...

[citymouse]

Just an idea -- if you have a favorite charity, perhaps you might consider asking them to make a donation in lieu of a gift.

 

My b/f has been dropping more hints about us being together forever -- last night he made a toast to that effect when we were having a glass of wine. If we reach the marriage step in the next year or so, I might think about having our friends/family make contributions to the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals rather than get gifts. He and I are middle-aged and we have everything we need. There are so many others in the world who desperately need help -- it might be a nice statement to make instead of getting presents you don't really need.

 

I'm not opposed to the presents, though.

The donations are just one possible way of going about it.

[anggrace]

Absolutely okay to not register. As citymouse suggested, asking people to donate to a charity is always good, or you could just let everyone know that gifts are not expected. At the same time, by not registering, it's very possible that you will get lots of things you don't want. But you can cross that bridge when/if you get to it.

[annie24]

Just an idea -- if you have a favorite charity, perhaps you might consider asking them to make a donation in lieu of a gift.

 

My b/f has been dropping more hints about us being together forever -- last night he made a toast to that effect when we were having a glass of wine. If we reach the marriage step in the next year or so, I might think about having our friends/family make contributions to the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals rather than get gifts. He and I are middle-aged and we have everything we need. There are so many others in the world who desperately need help -- it might be a nice statement to make instead of getting presents you don't really need.

 

I'm not opposed to the presents, though.

The donations are just one possible way of going about it.

 

my dance teacher (middle aged) got married to another middle aged man recently. we (the dance classes) got them a certificate to a really nice spa for a romantic weekend. they really liked it. we also figured they probably had enough 'things'. they are also the couple who asked simply for our 'presence' but of course, we wanted to do more.

[citymouse]

Oh I love the spa idea. Wow, that sounds fun...

[Hurting85]

There are some websites where you can register for cash donations and it all goes toward your honeymoon. I can't think what it is off the top of my head, but saw it when I was doing my wedding planning.