She keeps changing her mind!!

[bohma123]

Hi guys, I havent been on in a while because I was feeling much better and happy within myself.. A few weeks ago my ex told me she still loved me to bits and that no other guy would ever compare to me and wanted to start taking things slowly with me to see how things went.. I was absolutely over the moon as she is the love of my life and was delighted with the chance to proveto her that I am the one for her.

 

She is living away for the past couple of months (home for good next friday) but she came home for 2 weeks recently, and everything was going perfect.. We went on dates, did loads of fun things and everything seemed to be falling back into place.. She really gave me the impression that she wanted to get back with me in the way she was acting and things she said.. She even inveited me to stay with her for the final few days while she was away so I booked flights to go over next wednesday..

 

I have to say I was the happiest man in the world after all of the heartbreak I went through after she first broke up with me.. And then yesterday I got the dreaded phone call!

She rang me crying saying that she was scared about me coming over because she doesnt want to be in a serious relationship and shes afraid thats what will happen!!

She said she wants to be on her own and even though she loves me shes not 100per cent sure wether shes in love with me anymore!! This broke my heart..

She said shes a b~tch and knows she has been leading me up the garden path and was so sorry for leading me on..

 

I was crushed.. All the feelings I had when she first broke up with me suddenly came back.. She said she wants me to still come over to her as friends to which I probably stupidly agreed.. She said that she is so happy I am still talking to her as most guys would prob never talk to her again after what happened..

 

To be honest as much as Im devastated about everything thats happened I feel more let down than anything else and feel like ive beenseverely messed around with.. Im really confused as to what is going on in her head and what Ive done to deserve this..

 

How should I best deal with this??

I still definitely love her even though maybe my feelings arent as strong at the moment.. Part of me wants to let go and move on but theres still a huge part of me that still wants her back and work things out..

 

Any suggestions?

[Ms Darcy]

She rang me crying saying that she was scared about me coming over because she doesnt want to be in a serious relationship and shes afraid thats what will happen!!

She said she wants to be on her own and even though she loves me shes not 100per cent sure wether shes in love with me anymore!! This broke my heart..

She said shes a b~tch and knows she has been leading me up the garden path and was so sorry for leading me on.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Well dear, you are in a tough situation. First, just know that you are clearly a great guy. She left you and knows that you are wonderful; that's why she wanted to give it another try. The truth is really in her actions and words. She's not ready to see you and be with you. Basically, she has dumped you twice.

 

But this is a gift. Now you know you gave this a shot, but she's not ready. Always always remember her words. She's not sure if she's in love with you.

 

If I were you, I would tell her that you respect her honesty and that you need to end contact so that you can move on. Let her know that if she is ever 100% sure she can call you, but she should not do that unless she is absolutely positive about her feelings. In the meantime, you have to know it's over and start to heal.

 

I'm sorry buddy, but this is basically what she is telling you to do.

[bohma123]

Thanks Ms Darcy, I appreciate the advice but what really bothers me is that 2 days ago everything was perfect and she was telling me how much she loved me and plans for the summer and stuff and then yesterday she completely drops a bombshell..

How can this be??

[Ms Darcy]

Thanks Ms Darcy, I appreciate the advice but what really bothers me is that 2 days ago everything was perfect and she was telling me how much she loved me and plans for the summer and stuff and then yesterday she completely drops a bombshell..

How can this be??

 

Timeline:

Dumped you ... wants to work it out ... dumps you again.

 

Answer: the loss of feelings that she noted when she dumped you never truly came back. I think when you fall 'out of love' and then leave a relationship, you don't realize how much you are going to miss the person. So she missed you a lot and mistook that for love (as in "being in love"). When it became clearer to her that it might not be love, then she communicated to you.

 

Love happens when you ARE NOT with someone. I'm sure when she was with you things were ok, but once alone the real feelings emerged.

 

Try not to give it too much thought. Just know she jumped the gun and it's not your fault.

[Civic204]

You never know too, that she might come back again. They say third time's a charm!

[lavenderdove]

Some people just put more thought into their actions than others, and some people just go with the flow (whatever their mood of the moment) and deal with it later if they change their minds.

 

And sometimes there are other things going on behind the scenes you may not be aware of. Perhaps she was dating someone who dumped her, so she runs back to you for comfort. Then when she's feeling a bit better, she realizes she wants to date a lot of people rather than just you.

 

But the bottom line is she's not offering you what you want, which is a relationship, so being friends with her will probably only hurt you and set back your healing and keep you from being emotionally available to other women who might want to date you.

 

I would just tell her that being friends won't work for you, so you need to back away and heal.

 

I'm really sorry, that was rather short sighted of her to drag you in again only to dump you again. At least she takes responsibility for it being wrong, but you need to heed that she has done this to you twice, so is not a good prospect for dating now, so best to put her behind you and heal so you'll be available to someone new who does want to be with you.