Is it odd that a girl in a relationship seeks platonic male friendships

[matius]

I realize that people are just people - the more you know the more your horizons expand... and it would seem equally odd to go through life not meeting other people ... but it still seems kind of strange being in a relationship with someone like that.

 

I'm on here to get some input before I go & stick my foot in my mouth.

 

It seems always that in dating & relationships you can't say anything without coming accross paranoid, crazy or delusional - which in my opinion makes open communication tough.

 

In my case, my girlfriend does most everything right in making me feel as the one or whatever, but she texts & participates in activities where new singles are abound - it's kind of lame actually & the thought of it bothers me. To be fair, these aren't specifically singles events they're coed opportunities to meet new people, both men & women.

 

But it's only as of late did I start thinking about it - where are these friendships gonna go - maybe nowhere, maybe just another contact etc.

 

Just need some ideas here-

 

thanks-

[GeneralLee]

Speak your mind my man. You might think keeping it to yourself is best to keep you from sounding paranoid or possessive but believe me, thoughts like these will eat you from the inside, growing and growing until they're bigger than you can control. Make yourself heard now, before the precedent is set that you are alright with this, because letting it go then saying something farther down the line is not going to sound like "This bothers him" to her. Instead it will sound like "He was okay with it before, now he isn't. What changed?" Take it from someone who's been in this situation before, just talk to her about it. As long as you don't sound accusatory or angry when you do, she'll respect you more for talking to her about it than if you'd let it bother you and not said anything.

[matius]

I feel ya GeneralLee, might as well let the chips fall where they may.

[misssmithviii]

You know as for my relationship, we're not paranoid yet we have no need to have other friends of the opposite gender unless they're BOTH of our friends.

 

It's relative to every relationship... the best kinds of bonds are the ones where both are compatible. Otherwise, this could lead to some deep resentment in you while your gf is out with other males. I personally do not find that appropriate, and my man is the same way so it works.

 

If you have a problem with it, you must let your feelings out as constructively as possible - no accusing or attacking, just a simple open conversation about your expectations and boundaries.

 

I know a couple who's in this horrible game with the gf who goes out to clubs, picks up other guys' numbers to "hang out" and her bf (my old friend) was really hurt by this. When he told her about it, she didn't care and said he was being paranoid. I dropped that chick as a friend because she felt that it was her right to do what she wanted - she's correct, but it's tearing their relationship apart because he's not cool with it.

 

Once again, it's all about compatibility... having the same expectations and boundaries - making those things known to your partner and where each other's priorities are.

 

^_^

[sigmond freud]

google the ladder theory...then tell me what you think...thats all i gotta say about the subject..

[sigmond freud]

Oh Ya ...again missy...great post...I think I am in love with you...or atleast do you have a twin sister..your kind is incredibly hard to find...Muah sweetheart

[matius]

Good point misssmithviii.

[NightLily]

I feel more comfortable around men as friends so it would seem very strange to me if a guy were to limit my friendships.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Most of my friends are male. And most of my boyfriends friends are female. Honestly, you're being paranoid and controlling. Have a little trust in your partner.

[OptomisticGirl]

See I grew up a tomboy, so I made guy friends WAY easier then I do girlfriends. I can count on one hand the amount of girls I have considered my 'friend' my entire life and can't even count the guys I have had friendships with. It's just natural for me and easier to be friends with guys (although some would call it flirting

 

It isn't healthy to limit a person's friendships and I would never dream of telling my guy who he could be friends with or not. Flip that coin over and I WILL let him know if a certain friend gives me weird vibes or I just don't like. Doesn't mean I'm telling him not to see or communicate with her but if you bottle that up, it's going to explode one day and your partner is left standing there like "Huh?? When did this become a problem?" Same goes for my boyfriend: he respects the friendships that were there before him but if he feels uncomfortable we talk about it. You CAN communicate without both of you coming accross as paranoid as Heck.

 

But I would NEVER willingly go out and seek male friends like that, in that setting. No. I respect my relationship and my boyfriend way too much. I don't go 'trolling' for male friends and their attention.

[arcadefire]

I think for you to feel more comfortable, why don't you join her in one of these singles get togethers? See what kind of people are there, her interaction with them. If she wants to gain your trust, then she must surely bring you along at least once.

[JulianaF]

I don't think it's odd. Friends are friends. I'm not real flirty with my guy friends, although I enjoy the male/female vibe. But everyone's different. My husband and I are realllllyyyyyy different as people, so I couldn't possibly include him in my relationships, or suggest that he be friends with all my friends -- and heaven forbid he want me to be friends with his female friends; I have nothing in common with them. They tend to be a little dour.

[geekgirl4]

If you're feeling uncomfortable, be honest with it. But at the same time, you stated these are co-ed events - this means opportunities to network with men AND women. Once you graduate from college, I feel it's harder to find opportunities to make friends, so these sort of co-ed mixers are often the best places to meet people. Bars are harder because people are either looking for a little something something or just want to relax with friends after a long day. Work is a bit harder because you have to keep a professional attitude. Mixers are purely for networking and making friends, so it's a good place to meet people. If she's a social person, then I don't think it's a big deal that she goes to these. If the only numbers she's getting are guys, then you might have something to worry about.