New Girl May Have Cold Sores

[adam3]

So, I went out with this girl for the first time the other night. We had a great time and there was definitely some chemistry.

 

Well..... I added her on Facebook and there were some pictures of her when she was at the beach about a month ago, and there was a small, raised, bump on her upper lip.

 

It wasn't all red and bubbly like cold sores I have seen on some of my friends. But I am still concerned.

 

How do I go about asking her about this? I really enjoy spending time with her and want to kiss her soon!

[Sparkly Eyes]

I've read that most people have cold sores. If the sore is not present, the chances of you getting it is much lower.

[FathomFear]

Why does it matter? Almost half of children in North America get the virus. It rarely affects quality of life in a significant way.

 

I mean, don't get me wrong. You can ask her if you want. I'm just not sure what it's going to accomplish for you.

[pokerface101]

It could have just been a pimple. I have gotten those before and it really sucks, because I don't have cold sores or oral herpes at all, but if it's a gross one it can certainly look a bit like it. Maybe google some pictures of cold sores and see how it compares? I hope it works out ok, since you like her.

[Sparkly Eyes]

It could have just been a pimple. I have gotten those before and it really sucks, because I don't have cold sores or oral herpes at all, but if it's a gross one it can certainly look a bit like it. Maybe google some pictures of cold sores and see how it compares? I hope it works out ok, since you like her.

 

I remember when I was a kid, I used to get sores around my lips once in a while. I haven't had them for a long time now. I always thought they were cold sore, but my tests for herpes 1 and 2 came clean. So I guess they were something else.

[ToF]

I get cold sores from time to time (I just got one this morning, actually...lol!). It's definitely not a pleasant experience, however as the above posters have already pointed out, it's very, very common.

 

I know I would be embarrassed if a guy asked me about it without my having one at the time. But at the same time, I would understand his concerns. So if you do ask her, just don't make it seem like a gross, horrible, terrifying thing. Just try and be casual about it...if that's possible.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Why does it matter? Almost half of children in North America get the virus. It rarely affects quality of life in a significant way.

 

I mean, don't get me wrong. You can ask her if you want. I'm just not sure what it's going to accomplish for you.

 

This.

 

Just don't kiss her when she has the sore. It's not absolute protection but it's going to cut the chances of getting it by a lot. And, even if you do get it, so what? Most people have it and have acquired it as children.

[Go Habs Go]

Cold sores are nothing more than a inconvenience. It's annoying yes, but it's not painful. Most get it as kids, probably by like age 12. You're better off with that than genital herpes.

[absinthe]

As an FYI, there are two strains of herpes, HSV-1 and HSV-2. The one commonly known as cold sores around the mouth is HSV-1. This strain can be passed to a sexual partner to their mouth OR to their genitals.

 

HSV-2 is commonly known as genital herpes. It can also be passed to the mouth through oral sex. This strain is more virulent since there are greater consequences to having it.

 

No one can make the choice for you whether to risk an STI or not. If you want to ask her, just do it.

[adam3]

Thanks for all the quick responses!

 

It very well could be a pimple. It is just not often that pimples occur around the mouth, well at least in my experience. Plus, she has VERY clear skin from what I have seen in her other pictures.

 

I am hoping that she will be honest with me and not take offense to it. I just don't know how to bring the subject up without sounding like a tool..... LOL

[Cognitive_Canine]

Thanks for all the quick responses!

 

It very well could be a pimple. It is just not often that pimples occur around the mouth, well at least in my experience. Plus, she has VERY clear skin from what I have seen in her other pictures.

 

I am hoping that she will be honest with me and not take offense to it. I just don't know how to bring the subject up without sounding like a tool..... LOL

 

If she waxes, it could be an ingrown hair.

 

Pimples occur frequently around the edge of the lip if she is a lip gloss or lipstick wearer.

[tiredofvampires]

If you're just going to kiss her and don't see the sore, it's not that big of a deal.

 

But if things move along and she gives you a bj, OP, and IF it's a cold sore, there's a possibility she can pass it to your genitals.

 

So people are making out like this is absolulety inconsequential -- it is, if it's not oral herpes.

 

If it is, there is always the minimal risk that it can be transmitted sexually even when there is no outbreak.

 

If you are going to become sexual, I'd tell her you want to get joint tested for the whole panel of STDs, including HSV-1 and HSV-2. Meaning, you get your tests and she does, too, so it's just like "your policy" when with a new partner. Blood tests aren't 100% accurate with negatives, either, but it's certainly better than no test, and it will also screen for anything else at the same time.

 

And you should really be doing that with everyone, signs or no signs.

[sophie274]

My very honest opinion is that there is no way you can bring this up without sounding rude or even a little creepy - "So I was looking through your facebook pics and noticed there was a bump on your lip on one of your pictures - do you have oral herpes/cold sores?" would really not go over well with me, and I imagine I'm not the only one.

 

The chances of you getting a cold sore from asymptomatic shedding while kissing her (ie when there is no cold sore present) are really quite low. I'm assuming you yourself have never had a cold sore, or this whole discussion would be moot, but it's possible that you still already carry the virus. I think if you feel you cannot kiss her if she has ever had a cold sore (regardless of whether she has a current outbreak), then you should just tell her that instead of bringing up the facebook photo. If you do not want to date anyone with cold sores, I would just say to her "I'm quite worried about cold sores, as I've never had one and don't want to be exposed to the virus, so can I ask you if you've ever had an outbreak?" Again, to be perfectly honest (and perhaps this is quite immature of me) I imagine I would feel affronted and probably turned off if a guy I was saying said this to me, because I personally do not see cold sores (oral) as a big deal and I think I might find it both forward and rude (and no I do not get cold sores myself, just thinking about this!). I guess a lot of people who do have the occasional cold sore feel offended that they are considered to have an STI when many of them contracted the herpes virus through some completely unsexual casual contact when they were young. What I'm trying to say is - if avoiding cold sores is very important to you, then by all means bring it up, but be prepared that it might not go over well. And I would STRONGLY recommend not mentioning the facebook photo, as I would think any guy who said that to me would have been looking a little too closely.

 

I can relate more to worries about contracting HSV-1 on your genitalia via oral sex, and for that conversation I think what TOV suggested works well - just get the full STD tests.

[Pnt8rshs]

I second everything Sophie said. The chances of contracting the oral herpes virus when there is NO COLD SORE PRESENT are so extremely low that it is quite ridiculous to bring up to her. I would be extremely offended and would not see you again. More than half of America has oral herpes; its not a big deal. And you don't get it if the person doesn't have a cold sore present. I have the virus and have lived my life completely free of passing on the virus to boyfriends my whole life. Totally silly and juvenile to bring this up to her.

 

The only way it would be OK is to tell her you have a specific aversion to oral herpes and ask if she has ever had an outbreak. If she says yes, then tell her you can't date her. Simple.

 

But, don't site something specific about her in some FB picture.

[adam3]

I am not sure what I would do if I found out she had a previous, known history of cold sores. None of the girls I have been with in the past have dealt with cold sores.

 

I wouldn't want to ditch her because of it, but at the same time, I don't think I could enjoy oral sex at all..... I would just be thinking about the possibility of it being transfered down there.....

 

Being tested and knowing for sure is fine and dandy, but like I said, it is still an issue of concern and in my opinion takes some of the fun out of sex.

[sophie274]

I am not sure what I would do if I found out she had a previous, known history of cold sores. None of the girls I have been with in the past have dealt with cold sores.

 

I wouldn't want to ditch her because of it, but at the same time, I don't think I could enjoy oral sex at all..... I would just be thinking about the possibility of it being transfered down there.....

 

Being tested and knowing for sure is fine and dandy, but like I said, it is still an issue of concern and in my opinion takes some of the fun out of sex.

 

Have you been tested for the virus yourself? This may all be a moot point if you test positive for it. If you already "have" oral HSV-1 (which is possible even if you've never had an outbreak), you can't get HSV-1 genitally.

 

If this is a big deal for you, then you'd better be off asking her. Knowing one way or another is really the first step.