Consumed by anger today and need to let it out ...

[mca1975]

So I found a room to rent, am pleased, but also feel very, very sad that all of this is really happening now, its the finality of it all, its leaving a lovely big house with a beautiful garden and its making me feel like I'm going backwards in life. Meanwhile, true to form, he is acting excitable and pleased about the break-up now and making plans to move into a nice two bed flat, boasting about it on facebook and it makes me sick that he cares more about what people on facebook think about him, than I do.

 

It makes me sick that he is now selling something that he spent a lot of money on which caused a huge row between us while we were together, money that should not have been spent while we were stressed over money and just lost our baby.

 

I know he has no choice but to move on and I am expecting some people to tell me just that (don't bother), seeing as I called our relationship to end because I wasn't happy. This is how I feel.

 

He has done nothing but moan and whinge about himself and his own feelings and even now, he continues to choose to live out of his means (that which he can afford), to save face, because he cares so much about what people think of him, where he lives, what he wears, terribly insecure....

 

I just don't think he is even learning from all of this, which I want him to.

 

He pressures me to get rid of my flat to move in with him and since I was so intent on pleasing him, I did it, and now I end up in a room and he ends up getting a nice new flat which mummy and daddy will help him pay for... it just makes me sick.

 

I cannot believe I was having a baby with this man only two months ago ......

[FreedomRing]

Never mind all that. You have no say, nor can you control what 'lessons' your EX can/will learn. Focus on yourself, and what you can control(YOU!). I know you decided to end it(and that definitely seemed like a good choice for you) but why are you tormenting yourself now? Why are you paying attention to his facebook? When do you move into your room?? If I were you, I would spend as little time as possible in your house until you leave...take walks, read in the park/cafe, and treat your current living situation like a hotel room...just for showering, and sleep.

[mca1975]

Never mind all that. You have no say, nor can you control what 'lessons' your EX can/will learn. Focus on yourself, and what you can control(YOU!). I know you decided to end it(and that definitely seemed like a good choice for you) but why are you tormenting yourself now? Why are you paying attention to his facebook? When do you move into your room?? If I were you, I would spend as little time as possible in your house until you leave...take walks, read in the park/cafe, and treat your current living situation like a hotel room...just for showering, and sleep.

 

You are right, thank you Freedom Ring. He is not on my friends on facebook as I made the decision to take him off very early on, but people keep telling me what he has put on there, I don't really want to know! People do like some gossip don't they.

 

I am spending as much time away as I can, but it's tiring moving around all the time and part of me still feels like I must be there, it's strange. However, I have not seen him for two days as have stayed away at friends houses. I've got a stinking cold and cannot sleep properly at the moment. I keep waking up worrying about everything.

 

I am just waiting to hear back from the Landlord after meeting the Tenants, so will know quite soon when I can move in! I am going to try and arrange to move in asap. You are right, its just a stop gap until something better comes along, and who says I can't enjoy living there and have some fun along the way...

 

I made the right choice for me, I was feeling neglected by him and found him very selfish and I knew deep down that I would never want to marry him.

 

Thanks for the PEP talk x

[Applewhite]

Before you didn't want him sad and now you don't want him happy. What do you want from this man? You decided to break up with him, now let him be. Move on.

 

Also numerous times you told us how much you hated that house, now it is beautiful all of a sudden?

 

And about him caring for material things... obviously you do too since it cringes your style to move into a room rather than a flat.

[Hermes]

MCA:

 

He is no longer your problem. Now is the time to think of yourself, wholly, and to be kind to yourself.

 

Good luck

Hermes

[Catdancer]

You know that you did the right thing by ending the relationship. Right now you are feeling regret and resentment, which is making you angry as hell. And it's perfectly normal. You regret that you and he couldnt make it work. that you couldnt make this beautiful house into your home, that you couldnt have a family, kids, that you could raise together and be happy. You resent him for appearing to "move on", when you feel stuck and regretful. I get it. I feel it too.

 

Anger is your way of dealing with the other emotions that hurt. I do the same thing. For me, fear is the first thing to spark anger. So, I dont appear fearful, I appear mad as hell. it's a defense mechanism...you're body's way of protecting you.

 

I think that you should own your anger. Feel it. Beat the hell out of pillow and scream until you cant scream anymore. Seriously. Get it out. And then try to figure out what you are really feeling. What is hiding behind the anger?

[mca1975]

Before you didn't want him sad and now you don't want him happy. What do you want from this man? You decided to break up with him, now let him be. Move on.

 

Also numerous times you told us how much you hated that house, now it is beautiful all of a sudden?

 

And about him caring for material things... obviously you do too since it cringes your style to move into a room rather than a flat.

 

Erm excuse me, it does not cringe my style to move into a room, I am doing it and I have lived in rooms all my life and have been brought up with some poverty. I know the value of money and I don't judge people on where they live and what money they have. Believe me, I am no snob, but he is. He would not even consider looking at a house if it had a "council estate" look to it. He has to have the best. I would rather be happy in a room than live with him in a beautiful house. Forgive me for feeling sad about down-sizing and feeling sad, I think I'm allowed that aren't I! annoyed....

 

And also, it is perfectly normal to feel sad about the finality of someone moving on (or appearing to), this has been hard for me aswell you know, to let go of something I wanted to work. Now stop giving me a hard time, you don't know anything about me or what I'm like.

 

Sorry but you'd have to be a robot not to be affected by these things. If only breaking up with someone you once cared about was that easy eh! In a perfect world, I should break up with him and not feel a thing. Aint happening.

[Hermes]

CatD is giving you good advice, MCA.

 

I do certainly understand your pain and disappointment. The upheaval of going separate ways.

 

If you can, keep away from the facebook stuff, and try, hard as it may be to fill your mind with other interests.

It will get easier.

 

Good luck

Hermes

[mca1975]

Thank you for this. Of course, it is fear and hurt that is hiding behind this anger. Fear that I may be alone and hurt that he has made little effort for our relationship to work.

[Hermes]

MCA:

 

Just give yourself time to heal from this bruising bout, and my advice would be not to get involved in any relationship at all for a while. Do not have fears about being alone. Now is a time to work on yourself, on meeting friends, on getting involved in your interests and not being in any way answerable to anyone but yourself.

 

Take care

Hermes