Ex now back with his ex...

[rachel_d]

My ex just just back with his ex. And I have never felt so insulted. He ended it saying that he couldn't handle a relationship at that time and just wanted to concentrate on his life for a while, but then this happens.

 

I loved him with every fiber of my being and was absolutely devestated when he ended it. The relationship was great. The spark between us had never left. He told me this when he broke up with me, saying that, he still loved me but needed to concentrate on himself and that he didn't know what the future would bring, maybe months down the line we might have had a future.

 

But now this happens, and I feel like nothing but a rebound. I was nothing to him but a way to pass the time. Everything he ever said to me was a lie.

 

I had finally come to terms with the breakup, but now this has really set me back again. Knowing that all my love was not reciprocated hurts. I never hated him before, but now I really think I do. I wish I had never met him.

 

Sorry about the thread, I just needed to rant

[SadAndy]

I hear you!

 

I told my ex (long term, 14yrs) a couple of days ago that I hate her now having found out what she'd been doing. The fact that she now loves someone else and not me is irrelevant I suppose, but I feel really bad. Like i've done something wrong.

 

The feeling of being used is awful, i too gave it everything and to then find out its not enough is really tough.

 

I still don't know if I truly hate my ex, i should do for all the things shes done but you can't turn your feelings off just like that.

 

Stay strong, i'm told it gets better!

[turnera]

Men are VERY bad about not being able to look you in the face and tell you the truth: there's someone else I'm interested in.

 

My DD19 has had 2 or 3 guys do this to her - say they just want to be alone, and a couple days later, they're already going out with someone. Now she just expects it. And boy, does she let the guy have it when she finds out!

 

Why don't mothers teach their sons how to act with integrity?

[Sanesoul]

Men are VERY bad about not being able to look you in the face and tell you the truth: there's someone else I'm interested in.

 

My DD19 has had 2 or 3 guys do this to her - say they just want to be alone, and a couple days later, they're already going out with someone. Now she just expects it. And boy, does she let the guy have it when she finds out!

 

Why don't mothers teach their sons how to act with integrity?

 

I have to agree, but it goes both ways.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you, but how great a guy is your ex if he can bold-face lie to you about his intentions in ending the relationship.

 

Good riddence. You deserve better.

[SadAndy]

trust me, as a guy who's just been on the receiving end, women can be evil to.

 

Mine repeated lied, even swearing on her own daughters life that nothing was going on and only plucking up the courage to leave me when she was found out having already lined up a replacement.

[turnera]

Yes, they can. But women are usually much more vocal about what they want. And men, having been raised by women, and expecting women to harangue them like their mothers did, tend to try to avoid unpleasantness. At least in my experience watching people for 50 years.

[DN]

Moderator Note: please do not turn this thread into a 'men versus women' debate and just post with help or advice to the OP.

[livelarge]

I totally understand the need to paint the whole picture black because of his last lie, because I would do it myself. But I wonder if there isn't a shade of gray here. Not to give this man any credit, but perhaps EVERYTHING wasn't a lie. Perhaps he actually had some feeling for you.

 

There's a line in a song I like, "You left a stain on every one of my good days." The stain is definitely there, but those are still good days.

[JohnTheMan]

Why don't mothers teach their sons how to act with integrity?

 

Because women do the same s**t.

[kitty1223]

OP, I can sympathize with how you feel...listening to someone you love tell you everything you want to hear feels great, and when they're gone, thaose words are what you remember.

 

I have just recently realized and accepted that someone I spent 6 years with probably never loved me or was attracted to me the way we pretended he was. He is now with an older and less attractive female that apparently does it for him. No one knows what makes someone want one person over the other.

 

He will not ever know how much he hurt me. Because I know I gave it 110%, I am happy to move on and know he will never see me, touch me or hear my voice ever again.

 

I hope you have a great rest of the day.

 

E

[JonasWaingaro]

My ex just just back with his ex. And I have never felt so insulted. He ended it saying that he couldn't handle a relationship at that time and just wanted to concentrate on his life for a while, but then this happens.

 

Sorry about the thread, I just needed to rant

 

Yep I got more or less the same spiel. 'I need a break', 'don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now', etc. Then I find out a few weeks (probably a few weeks before and I simply didn't know) later she's hot on the trail for some new clown. Apparently 'anyone' meant anyone but YOU(me). A total lie. It hurts. It's disappointing. A total devaluing of everything you went through together. [was it all a lie?!] It's completely wrecks trust. I have no answers for ya. 10months later and I'm very unhappy and fairly angry about it all. What can you do?! Keep moving along and hope you never meet people like this again.

 

And don't be sorry for the thread. Everyone needs a good rant.

[orchidrose]

Ugh, this is so hard. My ex and his ex are now back in the same codependent relationship they were in before I came along - I was the first person he had dated after three years on-off with her, and as soon as we broke up (because I thought his relationship with her was entirely inappropriate), he went right back to her.

 

It felt terrible for a long time, like I had been the one putting in all of the work to make him get over her, and she's reaping the rewards. But ultimately, this isn't the guy you want. He wasn't over his ex, and that doesn't make him a terrible person, but it does make him confused and put you in a really tough spot. You want a guy who's completely devoted to you, completely clearheaded and ready for a new relationship.

 

But for now, I'm so sorry you're hurting. I know it's really tough.

[rachel_d]

I know this doesn't make him a bad person. It just makes him selfish and inconsiderate. To me, anyway. At the end of the day, I was used by him to boost his ego (he was the dumpee in this past relationship, you see). He contacted her the exact day he broke up with me.

 

I thought that, with him being the injured party, he would have had some perspective on how I would have felt, but the fact that he had none makes me even more angry with him and so my opinion of him is very low. He couldn't even afford me the same respect she gave him when she ended it (she broke up with him in person claiming her feelings for him had gone-he told me all about the breakup and how much he hated her). Why is honesty and respect so hard to come by these days?

 

I know that I can do better now. I know what warning signs to look for. I want someone who not only loves me, but shows it...from now on I'm sticking with 'actions prove louder than words'.

 

I just hope that's not too much to ask for.

[incaangelique]

My ex is back with his ex too. he was with her before he dumped me I'm pretty sure.

[intolerable]

I'm sorry to hear that, but I think you can also turn this as a sort of blessing. Now you can move forward.

[NightLily]

Well how long had it been before he started dating her? It might have just been he thought about his life and came to realize he had a relationship he would want to look more into in the past. That doesn't have to diminish your own relationship or say anything bad about you. He is just not "that" into you.

 

If it was a really short period say 1-2 months before he started dating her again... maybe he lied. But eh, doesn't matter anymore. On to greener pastures

[Ms Darcy]

Well how long had it been before he started dating her? It might have just been he thought about his life and came to realize he had a relationship he would want to look more into in the past. That doesn't have to diminish your own relationship or say anything bad about you. He is just not "that" into you.

 

If it was a really short period say 1-2 months before he started dating her again... maybe he lied. But eh, doesn't matter anymore. On to greener pastures

 

I agree here.

[rachel_d]

Like I said before, the day he broke up with me he contacted her again. It was just over a month before they started dating again. I'm not sure if they are official yet (I neither want nor need to get anymore information about this).

 

The truth is, I was pretty much over the relationship. Of course, I still had those little occasional thoughts in there, but I accepted that we were done and would never get back together etc etc. But this just shows that whatever we had was a complete lie, and so the wounds have reopened. I just don't know how I can trust people again after being used like this.