Why do I worry!?

[northwesthiker]

So I find myself constantly getting upset.. and I dont like it.. and I dont think its right.

 

My girlfriend and I are in college (21). She is very attractive and a very sweet girl. She is very bad at being straightforward and has a way of leading guys on without meaning to.

 

So she has this guy that she met at her previous school. Apparently they were good friends there. She has since moved states to the university I am at. I believe this guy is like in love with her. They constantly text all day saying how much they miss eachother... when we were at the beach yesterday she was taking pictures and sending them to him. The other night she left her chat up on my comp and was like i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you and all the fun adventures we will go on. And like at 9 in the morning he will be texting her.

 

Umm... idk if this is like her just having fun with a good friend.. or I should be upset.

 

BLah.

[metrogirl]

Spending the rest of my life with you??

 

That's a huge red flag.

[HouseKitten]

Yikes.

 

I wonder.... it sounds like the poor guy is in the friendzone in a big way. There are a ton of threads here that could have been written by him. Chances are she has no real intention of doing anything romantic with him, ever, but he supplies a lot of attention and affection without her having to give him the support and love she would a boyfriend. He's better than a girlmate, because he's unlikely to get a partner while she's taking up all his time.

 

I doubt anything will happen with them, though they're in danger of hooking up if they ever get drunk together and he gets the courage to make a move. But, she's not being fair by stringing him along, to either of you.

[northwesthiker]

Spending the rest of my life with you??

 

That's a huge red flag.

 

 

Yea.. i know. I cant bring that up cause i feel like i should have just closed to browser.. but still.

 

I mean i know htey have fun together and stuff and I cant tell if its like a joking like with good friends kind of thing or what. And this summer they are going on a trip together.

 

I just dont get it.. I keep getting angry when they text and dont think its good. and I know she would not cheat on me because she is really innocent and her dad cheated on her mom many times and she is torn.

 

But I still find it really weird. Like cmon i get teh good friends thing but I dont talk to my best girl friend every day and tell her how much I miss her. weird.

[faithful14]

this is more than just having a good time with a friend, this is very inappropriate. I never say to my guy friends " I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you..." That's a red flag to me. You should talk to her and ask her what's going on.

[metrogirl]

I tell my boyfriend frequently that I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

 

I tell my best friend that dinner was great and we have to do it again.

 

Big difference.

[northwesthiker]

Yea.. I bring it up and she tells me "He is one of my best friends.. I dont know what else to say because there isnt anything more than that".

 

Maybe I should just forget it.. if something happens great for her.. if not then hopefully things work with us. I think getting upset is just gonna ruin things between us.

 

Well I got upset in class earlier when he was texting her so this has been our convo:

 

Me: Honestly i just need to get used to your and X's relationship i guess. Ive haver had a gf with good guy friends. i just feel like he really likes you and its weird having you two constantly saying how much you miss eachtoerh and stuff. I know your friends but with (my best girl friend) its not like i text her all day and send her pix at the beach when im spending time with you. idk again just weird for me.

 

No response..

 

Me: Does that make sense to you or do you think im just being stupid. because its important to me.

 

Her: Yea i guess so.. idk. He is one of my best friends. Idk what else to say because it isnt anything more that that.

 

Me: Ok. From my view it seems like he really likes you and thats weird for me. I know your good friends but cmon I dont think about (my friend) all the time and text her everyday. Maybe its me but i dont feel im being irrational saying this. We may just have too differing of views on this stuff.

 

 

And again.. she wont respond.

 

Am i being ok saying that? I think shes pissed I keep asking.

[oldenoughtoknow]

If you want to have a relationship with this woman, this needs to be addressed. You were perfectly within bounds having that conversation and it needs to continue. If you lose her because of it, you'll be better off. What kind of relationship do you have now? You don't sound very happy, and for good reason. I think her lack of response is very telling. She obviously doesn't have a legitimate defense, and deep down she realizes that it is wrong and disrespectful to you. If she can't back away from her BFF, she's not ready for a relationship...with you or anyone else.

[geekgirl4]

Wow, she sees nothing wrong? I think she feels it's acceptable to do all these "spend forever with you" etc actions because since he's a "friend" she doesn't have to worry about being cheated on. Or she's really really naive. Either way, she can't see things from your perspective and that's dangerous. People need to be able to see from each other's perspectives so they can understand what can hurt people (or make them happy). Her behavior is definitely not on a best friend level. Best friends say they'll be there for each other, not spend a blissful eternity together.

[faithful14]

she's crossing the lines of friendship when she texts him to say that she can't wait to spend the rest of her life with him. Can she explain how that is only meant in a platonic way? It's like she knows this is inappropriate and that's why she can't come up with an good reason for doing it. It worries me that she's not even taking your feelings into consideration and just cutting out the mushy talk from the conversation. Does she tell you these kinds of things too?