miss the friendship.. how do i get it back?

[veralyn]

Is it better to tell someone you miss them, or not tell them?

 

 

OK. So this boy has been my best friend for life for 9 years now, and I've been his.

It's slightly more complicated than the average friendship because we dated for the first 5 of those years. We remained best friends for 4 years after. We basically have such a strong connection as 2 people that we knew we'd at least be friends forever, it was just not the right time in our lives to be dating eachother.

But about 7 months ago, he started to change. Basically started to cut me out of his life. He did get a girlfriend who is very jealous of me apparently, BUT after being friends with someone for so long, shouldn't he at least be honest with me about his reasons for cutting me out of his life?

He says "of course we're still friends, we'll always be friends silly", makes plans to hang out with me, has apologized, but then doesn't change his behaviour: ALWAYS bails and continuously ignores me. He'll randomly text or email me, and then when i respond he doesn't respond back. It's like he's torn about something, but won't tell me what.

This boy used to do anything for me. And I honestly have NO idea what happened one day; there doesn't seem to be a good reason for the change in our relationship at all. I don't expect all his attention, I can respect that he has a girlfriend, but at the same time I think it's very rude and hurtful to just drop off the face of the earth with no explanation. It's like one day he just woke up and decided he didnt care anymore.

 

If anyone has read my previous threads... I know this is a change of heart on my part. Our relationship works in phases... but mostly, i just miss the friendship... I can respect his new life and move on from trying to get back together with him, but it's the FRIENDship i can't let go of... i'd do anything for him

 

I want him to know that I'm very sad about the loss of our friendship... that it seems a shame to me and that I don't want us to continue to drift apart... And that I'm confused about what happened... And that whatever's going on he should know he can be honest with me, simply ignoring is far more hurtful...

 

But I feel at the moment like our relationship, or whatever's left of it, is 99/1 effort on my part. So I'm not sure if I should KEEP trying... I've tried to regain contact with him, but have not actually confronted the problem

 

I know everyone is going to just say "let it go". And I am trying to do that. But after such a long, solid, genuine friendship that is ending for no good reason, it's hard to do that without understanding what the eff happened... Or if there's anything I can do to salvage it... I miss my best friend.

 

Has anyone ever had a friend do a complete 180 on you one day and you haven't a clue why? Or has anyone DONE this to a friend who might have insight on WHY?

[Martin1]

Exact same story happened to me. Was actualy about to make a post about it few minutes ago .. but then I saw yours.

 

I guess there's no way to just get it back, we have to accept what's lost, get over it and maybe we can rebuild something in the future.

At least we can't force them to talk with us and hang out.

 

I just keep saying hi and ask how she is, I know most times I wont even get any answer. But just like in your case I'm not blocked by her anywhere.. So I would think we both have a chance to get our friendships back?

They do have to notice sometime that we actualy care and would do anything for them, don't they?

 

I know how it feels and if it would be "just" about a love relationship then I would probably tell you to move on and let go.

In my opinion it's just soo much harder to get such an amazing friend than a gf/bf.

 

I tell you to try to not think about it too much, keep yourself busy. Don't try to push anything, make small steps.. if you manage to get a conversation going don't bring up any serious talk, just see how it goes and enjoy.

 

if you have more things on your mind which bother you, feel free to pm me.. I don't mind reading few sites if it helps you feel a little better, cause I know how much it sucks

[Ahhh]

I think its very hard to balance being just friends with someone that you love and care about. If you're romantically involved with someone and it doesnt work out, trying to keep that friendship seems more painful than just letting go. Its the friendship that makes you fall in love with that person and I personally cant figure out how people can draw the line. It seems like an expectation becomes established about what the friendship actually means and when that expectation is not met someone's feelings get hurt. Dont get me wrong, droping off the face of the earth isnt cool either and the effort to be friends needs to at least be mutual. Im just curious to what you think being just friends actually means.