I don't know what the right thing to do is....

[SoultoSqueeze]

There's a lot of 'stuff' in our past.

 

Dating almost a year. I broke up with him a few times early on because of his lack of commitment. We are both 36. We both have had a tough year..me suffering a break up after 8 years prior to meeting him and he a death.

 

Everytime I broke up with him, he would come 'running back' jumping through hoops to win my affection, paying all kinds of attention.

 

I had suspicions about other women, too. At one point we decided to take it easy, and he was online dating. He broke up with me a few months ago and I discovered he was dating another girl even though we had already reconciled and were dating and being physical again.

 

He has repeated time and again that he wants to marry me and even wants to adopt my kids (he has none), but that it is conflicting to him at the same time and he struggles with the commitment that would entail.

 

He worries about the affect a blended family would have on any children he could have with me, and the financial sacrifices that could be involved in balancing resources among my 2 kids and a new baby of ours. He has also repeated that we're perfect for eachother and that he keeps coming back because he loves me so much he can't let go...stating that he is trying to find himself and 'will likely' end up with me even after exploring his options as far as other women.

 

I finally told him in April that I'd had enough of an open, casual relationship and wanted to be only with him...because that's where my heart is, and he is who I want to spend my life with. I told him I wanted him to take some time to figure things out in the next 6 weeks or so, as he will be traveling by himself soon, and that I am content to give him this time as long as he knows the clock is now ticking. I also said I wanted him to have the courtesy NOT to date anyone if he's with me, and to break up with me if he wants to date others, plain & simple...he agreed.

 

I discovered he has a new profile on an online dating site.

 

I don't know how to react. He said last time he would 'let me know' if he was actually going to date anyone, and would probably say the same thing this time - that he's not actually dating anyone, so, he's not breaking any 'rules'.

 

Should I just hang back and give him his time to sort himself out as I originally promised? Or should I consider this new profile an answer in and of itself?

 

If he loves me so much, why is it such a struggle to just be with me alone?

 

Should I tell him it's over?

[Mauxly]

Should I tell him it's over?

 

 

Yes.

 

You've let him know what your expectations are, and he doesn't want to live up to them. He wants his cake and to eat it to. He thinks he loves you, but he's still looking for that next best thing, he's looking for an upgrade. If he doesn't find it he'll 'settle' for you.

 

Lame. You are worth more than that.

Do NOT settle for someone who is settling for you. You'll never feel comfortable, you'll never be able to trust him.

 

Sorry, gosh, I'm so sorry. I've been there. And I have to tell you, after the pain of the breakup has worn off you'll wonder why you ever tolerated being treated like this.