NC...When it hurts

[Mun]

I have been reading on here so much about NC it sounds like a cure-for-all. I have to say that I have been on both the giving and receiving end of NC and it hurts either way. I have used it to help myself get some distance and see things in a new way, but at the same time it has felt so much like punishment. Punishment to the other person when I'm the one not contacting and punishment to me when they are not contacting me. I hope you can use it simply to help yourself heal from a break up( it worked for me) and not as a way to get the other person back or get back at them.

 

The time apart serves its purpose if used wisely. You will be stronger and if you were taking BS in the relationship before, you won't anymore (most likely you wont) because you feel better about yourself and know what you want and don't want in a relationship. Use it as a tool but don't use it to hurt. I think that there has to be a time when after you feel better you can stop NC and talk again. I think when you have a good grip on things is the time to start talking again... don't think "I will do NC until this happens or this happens" I don't think thats the right approach.

Any thoughts on this?

[DopeStar]

I think when you have a good grip on things is the time to start talking again...

 

 

I think that that right there is the whole point to NC. to give yourself time to realize things and see the truth that you have been jaded from for so long. it may be a week it may be a month it may take 6 months it depends on you and only you but you have got to stay strong with it till you get a your grip back or there is no point and things will fall right back to where they were.

[TrueHeart]

Well I suppose it depends highly on the situation. You're right. Sometimes the NC rule works, but there is nothing that's 100%. Anyone that says one way (dumper or dumpee) thats easier to initial NC, probably hasn't been in a relationship worth anything. But once again, it depends on the situation. If you caught someone being unfaithful, its different than when someone just doesn't want to put the seat down any longer, and you'll just burst at that....

 

I suppose its different for each person, each situation.

 

Though it is a good thought to ponder on if you're in the middle of the NC rule like I am.

[amaranth_04]

Agree.. objective of NC should be to focus on healing yourself I feel. Whatever happens as a result is just that, a result.. should not be the driving force.

[a_little_sparrow]

I don't think NC should be used as revenge. If you're using it for revenge, it means you're still thinking more about the person who dumped you instead of thinking of yourself. And that's just the neverending spiral of hope and pain. And deliberating/analyzing something you have no control over.

 

NC, like muneca says, needs to be more about you and not that other person. And how you can use this time to really understand who you are and why you want to be with this other person.

 

Of course with something like infidelity it doesn't seem to me like NC would be nearly as hard. If there's a legitimate reason to be angry with the other person, I suppose NC just helps you hold back from saying something that may prove unnecessarily hurtful to both sides.

[Mun]

Thanks you guys. I really want the feedback. It's so hard to stay away sometimes-so used to the drama

[das420]

I am new here, but I think NC is a good idea, if for the right reasons. I have tried to institute NC with my ex, who I still love very much. I was the dumpee and she said she needed space and time to be young. I am the only one she has dated since HS.

 

I don't want to make her jealous or feel guilty about hurting me. I just want to respect her wishes, and hopefully she'll see that down the road. However, she still makes almost daily contact with me. ususally just a five/ten -min chat on the phone, or a quick drop by the house. Should I see this as she still loves me, or she is offering friendship and nothing more?