The best way to get your ex back?

[verisad]

As title..

[fLuiD]

No Contact.

[90_hour_sleep]

let go......let go of everything you're attached to. the more you cling...the more it hurts. let go of everything. reclaim your life. the attachment is a fear of loss...a compulsive desire to avoid change. it's impossible to avoid though. resisting it only causes suffering. if you're still clinging, and you do get back together, there will always be that underlying fear. the fear leads to more pain.

 

learn to let go. she may come back...she may not. letting go puts you in a position to move forward regardless of the outcome.

 

ask yourself what you're really holding onto. is it hurting you to hold on? seems a momentous task. start with little things. let those go. the little pieces of anger, blame, resentment...or perhaps the little fantasies of what you had. bit by bit. at some point you'll be ready to take the final plunge.

 

look the fear in the eyes. face it. welcome it. be curious about it.

[Salicia]

No Contact.

 

Ditto. Leave them be.

[verisad]

thankyou! and what about talking about it? i dont know why but i seem to be trying to solve a problem every day by talking about it and wondering about how to get him back. he got a new girlfriend a couple weeks after we broke up. rebound?

[fLuiD]

One more time. No Contact. The only thing that fixes things is time. You need TIME apart. You need No Contact TIME. You need TIME for yourself. You need TIME to meet other people. Time is in the formula for all aspects of healing. Time time time.

[Salicia]

thankyou! and what about talking about it? i dont know why but i seem to be trying to solve a problem every day by talking about it and wondering about how to get him back. he got a new girlfriend a couple weeks after we broke up. rebound?

 

Yeah, talking about things may help but not in this situation. You're just using up your time thinking about your ex in a different way. Stop thinking about trying to get back with your ex and start enjoying the finer things in life.

[90_hour_sleep]

Yeah, talking about things may help but not in this situation. You're just using up your time thinking about your ex in a different way. Stop thinking about trying to get back with your ex and start enjoying the finer things in life.

 

easier said than done.

 

it's compulsive...not something that can just be turned on and off. deal with the feelings. deal with the thoughts. pushing them away does nothing. if you're feeling awful...let yourself feel that. experience it. there has to be an outlet.

 

agreed on the issue of time...or rather...space. nothing can happen without a bit of space for the situation to unfold in.

[verisad]

this forum is brilliant.

we broke up at the end on january. he got a girlfriend about a month later and is still with her now. he told someone 'she's a weekend girlfriend' and apparently he slept with someone in france when he went away. i havent seen him since february... we text a couple of times, but that it. he didn't try and make conversation at all. he spoke to my friend and asked how her and her boyfriend were. she said they were fine and asked him the same question. he said ...hows jess?

[jul-els]

Having someone in your life does not define it. It will go on either way. Once you've worked through the process of letting go (which may or may not take awhile, but it will happen), it will no longer matter.

[JAZZROCK]

best way to get your ex back is through prayer, grow from the past experience.

[Kaiser_Soze]

Stop giving them attention. Instead show interest in someone else.

 

If you deserved to be dumped, quit being an ass.

[Salicia]

easier said than done.

 

it's compulsive...not something that can just be turned on and off. deal with the feelings. deal with the thoughts. pushing them away does nothing. if you're feeling awful...let yourself feel that. experience it. there has to be an outlet.

 

agreed on the issue of time...or rather...space. nothing can happen without a bit of space for the situation to unfold in.

 

Of course it's easier said than done. I'm only saying don't think about just about getting back with the ex. Of course the OP has to deal with their feelings. It's the whole thing about the healing process after a breakup occurs. Dealing with things that don't involve the ex in life does help try to regain your life again.

[Psychomagnet]

Stop giving them attention. Instead show interest in someone else.

 

 

^ This. NC doesn't get them back, it gets YOU back. Alot of the time if they come back during your healing it's just to get an ego boost or to screw your head up some more or both.

 

Also alot of the time IF they do come back it's almost always the second they hear you have moved on to another.(scan this very forum for the "I'm dating again after X-months/years and my ex just broke NC!!!" threads) That's the way it works if anything does but again that in itself isn't love...it's ego.

[Psychomagnet]

Stop giving them attention.

 

requoted for "daaaaaam! nailed it" value. This quote needs to be this forums header.

[hope90]

I know exactly what you are going through and my advice to you would be to just keep yourself occupied by joining a club, hanging out with friends, etc... The less you think and care about him, the better your life will be.. He might or might not come back to you..... "Don't take yourself or your love too seriously. View it as a game, something that should be wholesome and fun. Do not allow yourself to get depressed over love. You do not deserve to be depressed! No one does! Certainly don't entertain thoughts of suicide or whatnot. Love yourself! Don't fret over whether other people are infatuated or in love with you. An attractive woman once told me that she had entertained thoughts of marriage with a wealthy man, until they broke up. She had suicidal thoughts after the break-up, because he was now with another woman. I was not too impressed with the man and wondered what on earth she saw in him, other than his bank account. Really it boggles the mind that someone could get fired up over such an infatuation. Yet I must confess, I have fallen just as deeply, and my attitude toward the immoderate passion was the same as the advice I offer here. Get over it! Take to jogging two miles a day. Go for a walk. Read a book. Make a new friend. If you only knew the other person better you probably wouldn't want them so much in the first place! Familiarity breeds contempt."

[george237]

Easy The D.E.N.N.I.S system

 

Next question

[uncomfynumb]

this forum is brilliant.

we broke up at the end on january. he got a girlfriend about a month later and is still with her now. he told someone 'she's a weekend girlfriend' and apparently he slept with someone in france when he went away. i havent seen him since february... we text a couple of times, but that it. he didn't try and make conversation at all. he spoke to my friend and asked how her and her boyfriend were. she said they were fine and asked him the same question. he said ...hows jess?

 

Sloppy seconds and thirds? YUCK!

[verisad]

Sloppy seconds and thirds? YUCK!

 

huh? what do you mean

[getbiii]

I must agreee, i tried lots of things, and everything works to a certain point but NC is the best, NC brings them back how ever its not NC for ever its only NC for some time

[snoopydog]

One more time. No Contact. The only thing that fixes things is time. You need TIME apart. You need No Contact TIME. You need TIME for yourself. You need TIME to meet other people. Time is in the formula for all aspects of healing. Time time time.

I like this.

[veneratio]

My ex just came back. After 3 years. The best thing you can do is let them live and let yourself live. Let them breathe, don't try to force anything out of them. Don't expect anything of them. Let yourself heal as well as let them heal. Really..just focus on yourself and making yourself and your life better. Try your best not to give them any attention or pay them any thought. It's hard, but after some time it gets easier and easier. You also have to accept the idea that they may never come back.

[coolgirl]

Best way NC. But sense I moved on and if my ex ever came back one day I wouldn't take him back because it would be to late and would probably be with someone by that time and having a life of my own.

[Minx2012]

No Contact.

 

I agree with this...but one shouldn't rely on it as a MEANS to get an ex back. I think that it should be for what it is : a MEANS to get over the break up as quickly, as healthily and as surely as possible.

 

To answer the thread's question though : Although " NC " can get an ex back, you should seriously consider WHY you would want them back after all the pain and hurt. Getting an ex back is someone who is different from the person you first fell in love with. They are an ex for a very good reason. What you mean is probably " How do I get that person I first fell in love with, back ? ". Exes are the " dead " or the " ghosts " of the person you used to love truly, madly and deeply.

[delicous]

I really miss the life we built together...I am crying and I am drained of energy.

I just went out and came back home. I keep seeing his stupid truck and his stupid

look a like men all around the club so I left. i couldn't handle it. I can't think about it,

I want him back, I don't know why...he hurt me, he may have not

physically cheated on me but he emotionally check out of the relationship

months and maybe a whole year before he really decided to end it. And

that hurts worse then just a physical cheat...I swear, I don't get it.

I feel sick.