How dirty/nasty/pervy is your mind?

[Catdancer]

I'm sitting in my office, typing along, working and I hear:

 

guy1: hold still and I'll push it in slowly

guy2: ugh...it's slippery

guy1: hang on, I have to push hard

guy2: **grunting**

guy1: almost there

 

 

... ok..now...what would you be thinking?

 

I find it very curious what different people hear. When I heard that convo, after laughing like a loon at the guys (they were repairing a transmission), it turned me on. And it got me thinking...most people dont hear the sexual innuendo in normal conversation, but I hear it in EVERYTHING. lol So, what does that mean? I often wonder how much I miss because my head is burried in the gutter.

 

Thoughts? Anyone the same? Anyone have any funny stories? Anyone care? lol

[happylady]

Lol! That's hilarious I would have thought the same as you. cant think of any funny stories at the moment. Ill have to get back to you on that.

[Siriana]

ahahhahahaah

[mikeyx22]

haha, not really but I live in that world as well =)

[annie24]

you should yell out from your office, "That's what she said!"

 

ok, nevermind, that's not professional....

[mfan]

My first real lol of the day

[Rangafro]

I am guilty of this. Sometimes when listening to someone I imagine that every sentence ends with "in my pants." If it isn't sexually suggestivene, it is funny for the absurdity at the least.

 

I find it very curious what different people hear in my pants. When I heard that convo, after laughing like a loon at the guys (they were repairing a transmission), it turned me on in my pants. And it got me thinking...most people dont hear the sexual innuendo in normal conversation, but I hear it in EVERYTHING in my pants. lol in my pants So, what does that mean in my pants? I often wonder how much I miss because my head is burried in the gutter in my pants.

[Catdancer]

I am guilty of this. Sometimes when listening to someone I imagine that every sentence ends with "in my pants." If it isn't sexually suggestivene, it is funny for the absurdity at the least.

 

Oh my god. LMAO!! Now, you've really got me thinking nasty thoughts, in my pants.

[happylady]

I am guilty of this. Sometimes when listening to someone I imagine that every sentence ends with "in my pants." If it isn't sexually suggestivene, it is funny for the absurdity at the least.

 

Lmao! OMG you almost got me in trouble at work for laughing so hard haha. I am so going to think this at the next meeting (in my pants!) lol!

[Shortpants]

Oh yeah, I wouldn't have been able to bite my tongue on that one either. Like I've said before, I have WAY too much fun at work... usually at the tech's or our clients expense. I actually tend to hear things TOTALLY wrong here at the office.

 

One time this company called to get some work done, company was Foremost Builders... I heard Foreskin Burners. LOL So, to this day that company is known internally as Foreskin Burners... and the techs cringe a little every time I say it. O.o

 

Another residential client was under the name Wackenhut, again... I heard Whackmybutt. Yeah, close but no cigar. Can you imagine going to school with the name Whackmybutt? hahaha

[Mauxly]

I'm Beavis with breasts. The other day I was listening to a piece on NPR about seamen and Bangkok. Every other sentence just...well...internal snicker...

[tf987]

I recently got back from a group vacation and this kind of innuendo was so rampant that it got me to thinking that it is somewhat contagious for some people. The first example as another guy and I talking about the sink plumbing in our rooms, and a women walking by at just the right time to miss the backstory and thus she was surprised to hear us:

 

Him: "Hey is your sink working? I pushed down the drain stopper and now it won't go back up."

Me: "Funny, I've tried pushing mine down and it won't stay down" (I was trying to rinse out some shirts in my room)

 

Anyway, the trip guide walks by and just the right time and she hears:

Him "it won't go back up"

Me "mine won't stay down"

 

She confronts us, we explain the true nature of the topic, but she proceeds to tell everybody at lunch that day which sets off a storm of innuendo for the remainder of the trip:

 

Women 1 : "Hey do you want a nut job" (was the name of a drink)

Women 2 : "You share the prawn and you get the head" (they were explaining to me that many people eat the heads of prawns when served in a restaurant)

Women 1 : "My opening is small" (she was showing me something on her purse)

 

Me : "Wow I just touched the package and all this sweet fluid burst out onto my hands" (after a honey packet that a women gave me exploded on my hands at breakfast)

 

There is more, but that kind of talk spread like wildfire amongst a few of us on that trip.

[ur02111222]

Mine's not too naughty. I think my mother's is worse. We were out shopping during the Christmas holidays, and I started singing "Santa Clause is Coming to Town." I used to sing, so I was being pretty dramatic about it and sang "Santa Clause is coming...." and held it out pretty long and took a big breath. Before I could finish the line, my mother smacked me and told me to stop being nasty.

 

When I realized what she was referring to, I told her to stop being nasty.

[iBroken]

That in my pants idea is hilarious!

We should get a thread going......

 

 

Oh and my mind is in the gutter 24/7. I can turn any comment, thought or action into something sexual - and I often do.....

 

Not yet cited for any HR violations in my office, but Im sure Ive come close LOL.....it also helps that my team are all around the same age and have a perverted sense of humour.

[Catdancer]

Oh yeah, I wouldn't have been able to bite my tongue on that one either. Like I've said before, I have WAY too much fun at work... usually at the tech's or our clients expense. I actually tend to hear things TOTALLY wrong here at the office.

 

One time this company called to get some work done, company was Foremost Builders... I heard Foreskin Burners. LOL So, to this day that company is known internally as Foreskin Burners... and the techs cringe a little every time I say it. O.o

 

Another residential client was under the name Wackenhut, again... I heard Whackmybutt. Yeah, close but no cigar. Can you imagine going to school with the name Whackmybutt? hahaha

 

We have Wackenhut here too and everytime I see it or hear it it's ..Wackanut.

 

We have an engine diagnostic tool call a "manometer". I just love that word. I immediately think of naked men with thermometers.

[Mauxly]

I am guilty of this. Sometimes when listening to someone I imagine that every sentence ends with "in my pants." If it isn't sexually suggestivene, it is funny for the absurdity at the least.

 

One of my favorite road trip games is to find those RVs with the funky names (this may be a phenomenon exclusive to North America) and end start or end them with ANAL.

 

-Anal Windjammer

-Anal Adventurer

 

You get my drift. A game the whole family can play! Have fun on your next road trip!

[Green Mile]

I have a very dirty mind, I hear innuendo in almost anything!

[savagegirl]

LOL this is hilarious. I'm the only girl at work. I work with all guys so our lunch room talk is not usually very clean as it is. I have said some things that sound like they could be taken out of context, they call me on it everytime so I've learned to watch what I say a bit. But I must have gotten this dirty mind from them because I call them on everything now too.. man we have a blast!!

[Catdancer]

Here's another:

 

office manager: hey, watch my slot

sales person: sorry, it slipped

 

She was checking her office mailbox and he was trying to send a fax (fax sits on the mailboxes).

 

Right now...a customer is describing...."she's shaking and I keep ramming it, but she still wont put out."

 

He is describing his engine problems with his truck. God, he's still going on. lol He just said "maybe she's dry...I dont know..."

[Shortpants]

I could NEVER work for a plumber, they have waaaaay too many pervy names for things:

 

Back vent

Suction head

Blow bag

Hole saw

Discharge tube

Nipple clamp

Manhole

Rim hole

Reamer

Ballcock

 

I'd be rolling on the floor pissing my pants all day!

[iBroken]

I actually think that women are more perverted them men if that is even possible?

 

We have more ladies posting in this thread then men

[Catdancer]

I know Shortpants!! As it is now, I"m in the service part of a truck dealership and I hear so much. I asked a tech what the failed part was in a repair and he said "the nipple" with a perfectly straight face. I busted out laughing and he was looking at me like I sprouted a second head. whoops! lol

[Catdancer]

I actually thinkg that women are more perverted them men if that is even possible?

 

We have more ladies posting in this thread then men

 

ladies are just more verbal. lol

[HellFrost666]

So maybe I missed it... but what were the two guys talking about?

[Catdancer]

So maybe I missed it... but what were the two guys talking about?

 

It's in my first post, Helly. They actually were rebuilding a transmission and trying to get it back together. One was having a problem and ask the other to help him.