ok so he has a girlfriend?

[Ginger1]

Update

I guess this makes the whole thing less confusing? But yesterday afternoon my friend (has bf) was over at his house working on an assignment and called me up to come work on it. She came and picked me up to go to his house and en route said that he had told her his girlfriend had just broken up with him that day. So I guess he was depressed or something, but he is a typical guy so he looked pretty much the same. We finished up the work etc. and headed off, he didn't say anything about that.

So now I guess if he keep calling wanting to do stuff there could be more reasons for it? uh great, I am not good at this type of thing- the feeling was easier when he was dating because then I was pretty confident he wouldn't make any 'moves' for lack of a better work.

We shall see

 

 

original post:

There is this guy in a couple of my classes, he is a little goofy, but really friendly, funny, seemingly innocent etc. I am pretty sure he is slightly on the old side, we are all graduating, but he is 24 I think. Regardless, I know he has a girlfriend- but he always wants to hang out. I really like biking and and going on rides and he has asked me several times about going out this weekend or doing xyz trails etc....or wanting to study to homework/labs together and then getting dinner.

I realize he shouldn't be chained to his girlfriend (who lives in another state I think) but eh I have been putting some distance there- somehow getting dinner together or going out on weekends doing stuff during the day seems a little much. despite being in the same classes and similar interests.

 

Am I being too paranoid or should I just assume its 100% friendly (thats all I'M interested in w/ him)

[Clarity]

It's most likely more than friendly.

 

Simplest thing is to put yourself in the shoes of his gf - would you be ok with it?

[Catdancer]

I think that your gut is telling you to not engage him as you know that he wants to be more than friends. Have you asked him about his gf? What does he say?

[MinziGirl]

To be honest: If i were you, i would stay out of it ebcause he is simply not available anymore. Would like another girl to tackle your boyfriend even when she knows fully that he is attached to you?

[LoveSoDeep]

If that's all you are really interested in then just TELL him. Tell him that you know he has a girlfriend and you don't want to come between them and you just want to be his friend and that you won't even consider anything else. If he feels the same way then it's no big deal and you continue. If not then you have to step out b/c if he's not going to respect his realtionship then someone should.

 

It's not unheard of for a guy to have a good female friend and if that's all he wants and his gf is okay with it then there's no harm done. If I were you I would find out if that really is his intent and if he gf really is okay with it before going any further....but that's just me.

[guynextdoor]

So you like the dude and you know the dude has a g-friend, what does common sense tell you to do? Pretty simple answer here...

[lavenderdove]

Are you sure he has a girlfriend (i.e., how do you know he has a girlfriend, or maybe he broke up with her)?

 

I'd find that out, and make it clear you won't date him if he does have a girlfriend. He could just be looking for people to hang out with if he's lonely on weekends, but then, he could be looking to cheat.

 

the only way to keep it straight is to tell him up front you won't see him romantically if he's dating someone else, but if he wants to hang out as friends that's ok (unless you don't want him as a friend).

[sunshine1]

So you like the dude and you know the dude has a g-friend, what does common sense tell you to do? Pretty simple answer here...

 

she doesn't like him in a romantic way....just wants to be friends

[MinziGirl]

If that's all you are really interested in then just TELL him. Tell him that you know he has a girlfriend and you don't want to come between them and you just want to be his friend and that you won't even consider anything else. If he feels the same way then it's no big deal and you continue. If not then you have to step out b/c if he's not going to respect his realtionship then someone should.

 

It's not unheard of for a guy to have a good female friend and if that's all he wants and his gf is okay with it then there's no harm done. If I were you I would find out if that really is his intent and if he gf really is okay with it before going any further....but that's just me.

 

If this guy is really just a good friend, his girlfriend should know about you & feel safe with the time he is with you. Everything between you & him should be in the open & it should be clear among all that you are only good friends.

 

To reach such a level of good friendship with a guy takes a lot of time. Frankly, i don't think you have known the guy long enough to be able to handle such a level... on top of that, you have feelings for him!

 

I would advise you to leave him alone & go on your way. Like what i have said: Think about it! Would you like another girl to tackle your BF even when she is fully aware that he is attached to you?

[Ginger1]

she doesn't like him in a romantic way....just wants to be friends

yes exactly. I am not interested in this guy for anything other than just hanging out/friend. Even if he didn't have a girlfriend I STILL would not want to date him!! He is a cool kid, but not the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with beyond friends.

My post was more, is it normal for a guy with a girlfriend, who he has mentioned, to want to hang out with a girl and not be "interested" in anything other than but just hanging out as friends?

 

Thanks for the other replies

[FathomFear]

I have to disagree with the other posters. I think it's a shame that people don't try to develop friendships just because they assume it will always develop into something romantic. If the OP were a man or if the other person were a woman, everyone would be encouraging the two people to become friends.

 

Of course, for good measure I agree that it would be a good idea to meet his girlfriend and make your intentions clear--that you're just interested in being friends. But by no means do I think you should just walk away. It's hard to make friends, especially ones who have similar interests. I don't think you should walk away from people just because they're of the opposite sex.

[Ginger1]

Thanks Fathom. You're right, I don't want to be too 'anti' and walk away from potentially good times. I feel pretty confident that I would prevent anything beyond friendship from happening because #1 I know he has a gf and #2 I am not interested in advancing to anything w/ him. Plus, I am definitely not the flirty type drawing people in (at at least I think I'm not! haha)

This guy probably does have the same intentions as I do, but there is always this weird vague grey area where its uncomfortable to be around guys because it seems as though there is always the potential for something other than friends.

 

I'll just play it by ear I guess.

[HeartGoesOn]

Unless he wants to meet up in public places, and in a group setting with other people there, I would decline.

[Clarity]

The thing is, for most guys with interests like that, it is not difficult to find other guys who enjoy those things (biking) and they usually make for better activity partners (similar strength, endurance, etc.).

 

That's why my guess would be he's hoping that, even if you don't like him now, spending time with him could change that.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I have to disagree with the other posters. I think it's a shame that people don't try to develop friendships just because they assume it will always develop into something romantic. If the OP were a man or if the other person were a woman, everyone would be encouraging the two people to become friends.

 

Of course, for good measure I agree that it would be a good idea to meet his girlfriend and make your intentions clear--that you're just interested in being friends. But by no means do I think you should just walk away. It's hard to make friends, especially ones who have similar interests. I don't think you should walk away from people just because they're of the opposite sex.

 

I agree. Especially in long distance relationships do you find this behaviour. I have a lot of guy friends. No romantic interest there. It's just lonely being in my apartment all the time. Sometimes I'll visit male friends and watch tv or eat dinner with them. It's only a bad situation if you make it one.

 

Since the OP has no romantic feelings for this man, then the temptation will not be there. If a temptation develops, don't put yourself in one-on-one situations.

[Ginger1]

updated the first post!

Today he seemed kinda depressed, poor fella, so I was thinking about asking him if he wanted to go mt. biking this weekend a little- but I haven't because I am not really sure if I should just leave him alone, wallowing in breakup mode!

[lavenderdove]

Well, if he's free now and you like him, by all means ask him if he'd like to go biking.

 

Then if he wants to talk about the breakup he can, but perhaps he just needs a nice distraction, and a bike ride would do it.