2 emails, no answers, still hurting so bad

[roxy79]

I posted about 2 weeks ago about my man breaking up with me via email. His reason at that time was that he didn't want to "give up" smoking weed and that he wasn't ready to make the change and that we needed to go our separate ways. The hole topic had come about because he had come to my place a few days before, got very stoned outside of my house (cause I'm not okay with drugs), came back inside and pretty much didnt' say anything or move his body for 3 hrs. I was upset about that behavior so I confronted him about it. Clearly he was not okay with me calling him out. (we've had discussion about his addiction before and he cried and even addmitted he had a problem and wanted a change).

 

Fast forward to this past Thursday. I received another email from him stating he thanks me for being so nice and so willing to make the relationship work but the reason he did this was because it wasn't just about the weed, "there's more to it than that." which were his exact words. I responded very kindly to him and thanked him for communicating with me (since I hadn't heard from him in two weeks). Mind you I have tried to get him to acknowledge my existence almost everyday. He never responded to the email I sent Thursday after reading his, I had even attempted to call him asking if he would meet me somewhere so we could discuss this like adults instead of hiding behind emails. No response.

 

He did make a "jab" in the email saying " i see you have been back on the dating website for about a week now, and I hope you find a man that deserves you." I have no idea what he meant by that and am wondering why he's been "following" me or checking me on the website. I reactivated my account to see if he was back on it.

 

I guess I'm not getting any closure and I've tried to get him to speak to me, especially now that he says "there's more to it than that." I dont know what that means. I am in love with him and if anything, would just like some clarity and can't understand why he can't give me answers. I hate hurting this way, especially when it takes over my life. Any advice, please.

[abigheart]

Sorry you're hurting roxy79, don't dwell on it all too much or feel bad that you haven't received a response yet. But wow, I gotta say these things tick me off - when people can't man up and just meet up to discuss/elaborate what's going on instead of using e-mail...sheesh.

 

I think for now though since you've already made attempts to contact him, you should lay low for now. The more attempts you make to reach him, the more he'll just keep backing away. Sounds like he's not "ready" to talk to you yet so I don't know why he just threw out the vague "there's more to it than that." He's messing with you so don't let it get to you!! Did you end up resonding back to his "jab" or whatever? Just don't respond or contact him for now. I think he'll come around to explaining himself when he starts noticing that you're not trying to make contact...which is bizarre 'cause you're not doing anything wrong at all. You simply want to have him flesh out what he meant.

 

Hang in there!!

[roxy79]

You know at his age, 37, I just figured that he would have more respect for a woman to speak with her about the issue or be honest, rather than hiding behind an email, as well as the woman's every attempt via calls, text and/or email. I'm feeling so hurt because I know this man cared for me deeply and had strong feelings for me, which is why I'm crushed that he chosen to take this "path" in ending it. We are adults and its okay to break up with someone, but when you do it in such a childish way, it doesn't allow the other person to properly heal or move on. Too many unanswered questions.

 

I had mailed him a package of things over a week ago, and unfortunately he wasn't home to accept the package so it's been sitting in the post office since, which is litterally 2 miles from his home. I'm hurt that he is being so stubborn as to not even pick up the package, when I he knows its from me and that they are things I knew he'd want to have.

 

Why is he treating me so badly, when our relationships has been practically flawless and amazing expect for our minor discussions about his weed smoking? Why does he think its okay to ignore me? Its not like we only went on 2 dates! Why is he hurting me, I feel, on purpose, when I did nothing to hurt him... only support him in so many ways?

[Sn0man]

Men don't like it when women try to change them. We generally don't need, nor want, to be changed and any attempt at doing so is quite offensive.

 

I don't know how you confronted him about this issue, nor does it really matter. Obviously, it was enough to turn him off.

 

In the future, try to find someone who doesn't need fixing.

[bravebird]

Your ex sounds like mine...a child in a grown man's body. The weed habit will not go away...trust me. If and when he wants to he will quit but it won't be because of or for you. As far as the want you have for him to elaborate on whatever it is he's thinking, just give it up. I know it's impossible to not want to know, but if you look at the big picture, it won't make a difference. This guy does not want to be in this relationship any longer and it hurts. Some people (my ex) are emotionally volatile and flip flop from one day to the next as to what they want in their life. I know the feeling all too well. The best thing you can do is go NC. PM me if you need an NC buddy.

[AutumnBorn]

In the future, try to find someone who doesn't need fixing.

 

 

He's right in that this guy is truly broken. An addict? Could it get any worse? Next time you see a drowning man, don't bother trying to help him -- he'll hate you for it later.

[HeartGoesOn]

What kind of answers are you looking for?

[roxy79]

Well I attempted to retrieve the package I had sent him but the post office would not release it to me, so I decided to show up at his door for my answers. He answered and talked to me for 2 hrs about everything. It was a good conversation and he opened up A LOT to me. He even had tears in his eyes at certain points. We talked about being honest with each other. He admitted to missing me a lot and he just thought going our separate ways was the ONLY way to handle how he was feeling and he didn't know what else to do. He apologized as did I.

 

He hugged me, held me tight for a long time, kissed me a couple of times, bit my arm (he always used to do that) etc. He told me he would call me and he also said he'd pick up the package a few days ago that I mailed him. At the end of our conversation, he held me again, kissed me and said he'd call me and that he "just needed some time..." What does that mean? I'm trying to be patient and give him the time he requested and respect him, but it's been 5 days and he hasn't even tried to text me.

[bravebird]

you need to go NC now. if he didn't make any mention of wanting to get back together you need to take that at face value. your job is not reading his mind. NC.

[shessofly]

roxy this guy is 37 years old and is a heavy weed smoker and this is what the main issue seemed to be that sparked your arguments. he's not going to stop. it bothered you enough when you were with him to bring it up on several occasions. it's not going to change so why do you want this guy back? i don't understand. just leave him be.