help :(.

[hellodoe]

just looking for an outside voice.

 

I'm just going to tell the story and leave out most of the crying, screaming and pathetic-ness.

 

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me a little over a month ago.

We are long distance, she lives thirty minutes away from me when she is home, but when she's at college we are quite far away. We made it work for the first year, most of this year, and our break up was no direct influence of distance.

 

She broke up with me a month ago because her schedule at school was getting out of hand, she is a student with a double major, a teacher, she holds a job and does her best to have a social life. As a result, she didn't have much time for me, something I accepted as best I could, as a relationship is not always 50-50, I was fine with putting in a little extra to keep us happy.

 

However, to handle her stress she started smoke cigarettes and kept it from me out of shame(understandable to me, cigarettes are an adequate vice, but not something you want your anti-cig significant other to know about) this was something i was not happy with but nothing to throw a fit over. She also began taking her stress out on me, sometimes in small ways, sometimes in big ways, most of the time she didn't even realize it. She would get angry with me easily because her life was relentlessly stressful, and stopped communicating with me. She would still call/text me all the time, but she stopped communicating what we needed to do as a couple because everything on her plate was too much.

 

After three weeks or so of this behavior (which was VERY DIFFERENT from how she usually is, very over the top loving, caring, respectful, etc.) she called me to tell me she couldn't do it anymore.

 

She told me that I was giving so much it was making her feel guilty constantly, that I was internalizing my own problems to make her happy and she couldn't watch me do it anymore. She said she still wanted me in her life, I am still her best friend, the last thing she wanted was to hurt me and she knows right now we're not good for each other bc we're in different places in our lives but someday maybe we will be.

 

I was crushed, we talked for an hour or so about the break up before I got off the phone and broke down. She contacted me later that day to see how I was and I told her to leave me alone for awhile and wait for me to contact her.

 

After two days she called me crying saying she didn't know the rules, she missed me, she loved me, I said I would come up to visit her in 4 days and we'll figure this out, she said ok. We said I love you and hung up. I was so happy.

 

The next day she told me not to come, she made this decision for a reason, she was going to be strong. I broke down again.

 

Two days later we talked for 2 hours and she said that she thought we would get back together soon, that she's happy with our conversation, she loves me, she wants to work on ourselves for a bit and get back together in the future and we will see each other the weekend after the upcoming one. We talked about things we wanted to be different and we were happy to have communicated and it went very well. I asked her if I could text her the next day to say good morning, she said she would like that. I was so happy.

 

Things changed, a week later with some contact in between she told me she didn't think we should get back together and that we shouldn't see each other over the weekend. I had shown immaturity on a blog I have (I made a post trying to make her jealous b/c i still felt insecure about us, it was stupid on my part) and she said she had decided it was what was best. I cried and didn't understand, I had been pushed so far at this point, but she changed her mind at the end of the conversation and said we could get dinner.

 

Later that night she called me and said she didn't want to see me at all, I lost it and cursed her out, I had been pushed to my breaking point, I said I never wanted to hear from her again.

 

I felt guilty, as saying things in anger often does do that.. and sent her a small e-mail a few days later saying

"I respect you enough to honor your wishes. Enjoy your vacation."

 

After that she texted me saying she wanted to see me to talk. I said ok, although I didn't let myself believe it this time.

 

We talked and both established we shouldn't be together at this present time, I was VERY bitter about the way she handled the break up (didn't say this, I just said that I didn't want to get back together right now and I'm on the road to becoming a stronger person) and she was still confused as far as what she wanted and what was best.

This was a little over two weeks ago.

 

We talked after that a few times, all very nice conversations but now our contact has ceased for the most part.

 

I texted her yesterday making a joke and she reciprocated it joking back with me.

 

 

 

All of this has been HELL for me, I cry almost every day.

I go out with my friends every day, do charity work, go to church, i'm learning piano, i'm throwing myself into school work and I have a good time and sometimes I am genuinely happy.

 

But I know I'm missing something and I really want this girl back.

Her little sister's communion is Sunday (I have an extremely intimate relationship with her family, her mom and I stay in contact a few days a week, her siblings worship the ground I walk on). I want to call her and ask her if I can attend the communion, her mom had originally invited me weeks ago, but now my ex is going so the invite may be off the table.

 

 

Should I call my ex and ask if it's ok to attend? Or do you think I will just end up hurt?

 

Should I give up on her completely?

 

Should I wait until she's home from school for the summer next month to try anything?

[Tony01]

hey i feel sad for what you have been through really

 

i think u should wait for her to come back from school so you can get back on track

 

ringing her to go to the communion might not be a good idea because of the relationship status i think if you give her some space for now it should hopefully end up the way you want it

 

hope i helped all the best to you

[AutumnBorn]

I agree with Tony. Wait.

 

She put you on a very intense rollercoaster ride. Take some time to take care of yourself, initiate no contact, and live your life fully. Explore new places, learn something new, make new friends, treat yourself to some good things, grow.

[bear12]

how old is your ex? i know how hard this is, but, honestly, it sounds like you're in different places in your lives right now...

 

and, presumably, you may be heading off to college yourself in the very near future and there are going to be lots of new, exciting things going on there. i'm not sure that maintaining a long distance relationship for the indefinite future is a very realistic idea.

 

that's not to say that any of this makes it any easier on you in the present, but just try to have faith that there are good things for you up ahead. i know you really loved this girll, but there will be other girls out there that you can (and will) love, too. just try your very best to focus on yourself and your future and just let what happens with your ex happen. i don't think there is anything you can do to get her back at the moment. if things are meant to be, eventually they will work out. but please don't count on that. in the meantime go out and meet new friends, get involved in new activities, etc. and perhaps it wouldn't be the worse idea in the world to put just a bit more space between yourself and her family. i understand how close you are, but i'd think at this point it's just a constant reminder of her. i'm sure they'll understand if you need a bit of time away from them, too.