I do not know what to do

[nowhere to turn]

I am 22 years old, married, with two children. I met my husband at 17, an it was a whirlwind romance. We had moved in together within the first 6 months of our relationship, and had our first child just before we had been together two years. My husband is a wonderful man, who I love very much. He is the sweetest man i have ever met, and I know that he loves me so much, and neither of us would ever want to hurt eachother intentionally.

 

The problem I have is that I am in love with someone else. It all started 10 years ago, when I was just 13, and I met a kid at school who I fell instantly in love with. We never really got it together, even though we became best friends. We were very close, and although we did start dating at one point, circumstances meant that we broke up. However we were both stupid, like you are at 15, and did admit a couple of years later that we both thought we would have still been together if one little argument hadn't have ended things. We did have a couple of relapses, where we ended up kissing, but things never went any further, and we just stayed friends. Then I met my husband, and myself and my friend's relationship dwindled, due to the amount of time I was spending with my new boyfriend. We did speak occasionally, but we've not really had much contact over the last couple of years. My feelings for him where still the same, but I thought that after time these feelings would go away, but they are just as stong as ever. th efeelings I have for him are starting to make me realise that I do love my husband, but not neccesarily in the right way. My husband and I are very close, but for a long time after my first child was born we were unable to have a sexual relationship to the full extent that other couples would have, because of complications that I had, and I think this time made is in to best friends, instead of lovers.

 

I am in two minds as to whether I should contact my friend to tell him exactly how I feel. I know that I am married, and there are two children to consider, but i am frightened of spending the rest of my life never truly happy, and always wondering what if?

 

As I write this I am holding back the tears, especially as my husband has just telephoned me from work to tell me he loves me, and I feel so guilty for even writing this. But I do not know what to do. I feel being so young that if things did end between us that we are still young enough to start again, but I feel that if I feel this way in ten/twenty years time, it will be too late, as my friend will have married, and had his own family. I just wish that I hadn't been in such a hurry to get married, as I feel it complicates the matter far more than if we just had children.

 

i know I am being selfish, but I just want to happy in my life. Please help me decide what I should do.

[ang3l2004]

I am really sorry that you are going through this but it is better to realize it sooner then later,I think you should talk to him about this because this is how you feel,You mentioned that you are really close so im sure he will listen,I understand where you are coming from but are you really sure that this is what you want and this is truly how you feel?Good luck with this and pm me anytime you need to talk im here

[tiger_lilies]

You are commiting emotional infidelity in my books. Perhaps your mind is wandering to this "friend" because there's something missing in your marriage?

 

It is totally not fair for you to do this to your husband. He does not deserve the pain you'll be putting him through. Keep your lust and curiosity under control and stop obsessing over your friend! You have made a LIFE commitment to your husband and children. You will be throwing away the best things that has happened to you by lusting after your friend. Your right, it is selfish. You need to be focused on your family.

 

I wonder if you are just bored being at home with two children? Maybe you are thinking about your friend because you need some excitment in your life? Talk to your husband and think up ways to bring passion back into your lives. Don't break up your family over a curiosity!

[wendella]

Although Honesty is the best policy I believe that some things we should just not tell our husbands or boyfriends.

 

I recently received a letter from an old boyfriend of years ago inquiring how I was blah, blah, blah. I wrote him back a quick note just saying I was good, and did not include my phone number only a return address.

 

I did not want to drag up old ghosts that were put to rest for a reason. But let me tell you he was the best lover I ever had and for a couple weeks I wanted to go to him sooo bad. He was that one that got away, the one that you don't forget. The feeling eventually went away and I am soooo glad I didn't act on it!!

 

I have a boyfriend now that is dear to me and has been there for me on countless occasions when I didnt deserve him to be. He has taught me humility, honesty, and how to love someone.

 

Do you love your husband?? Are you just wanting to be with this man because he makes you feel good about you? Is he more "exciting" than your husband? Maybe it is just the thought of being with him that is overcoming you. Have you thought what life would really be like if you were with him? You would have 2 children that aren't his, probably on your own, which is not fun, he might think that you are still in love with your husband... there are so many things that you may not have thought of.... the romance part of it might not be all it's cracked up to be.. if you still love your husband, and i mean the long lasting love, not the lusty, have to have you near me love, you should put this other guy out of your head, if you try to he will leave your heart and head eventually and you will probably be better off without him.

 

Getting married young is tough. I am 29 and haven't done it yet, and let me tell you I've done enough living for 4 life times...

 

Think about it and your kids and let your heart and head lead you....

[wendella]

Way to go tiger lilies

[funkygirl758]

I don't know what to tell you because I still love an ex boyfriend and have now for like 9 years and I am married and have a kid. But if you asked me, my husband and I are not close, if you asked him, we are. So we are pretty much in the same boat. Take care and good luck.

[nowhere to turn]

Thanks for the comments, so I agree with, some I do not, but that is why I asked you for advice. As for whether I love my husband, yes I love him very much, but I do not know whether I am in love with hime anymore.

 

As for being bored at home looking after two young children, no that has nothing to with it. I love looking after my children, and would not want that to change. i know they would be affected by any decision I make, but for now, any decision I will make will be based on mine and my husband's marrage. One thing I do know is that if I do decide that our marrage is no longer working, that I would not carry on with the marrage just for the sake of the children, that is not fair on myself, or my husband.

 

For now, I am going to wait and see where my feelings take me. The love I have for my friend, is not just the lusty I want to have you type. I fell in love with him, well and truly, and lust was nothing to do with it. We were best friends, and were very close. I fell for his personality, it was later that I wanted him physically.

 

I am not going to rush in to anything though, it's not like I was going to go round to my friends right now, and tell him I loved him, I will leave it until I know where I am in my own mind first.

[t-dog]

I have been going through alot of the same things as you...My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me, but we don't necessarily have the most steamy relationship. I've been sort of obsessing about an ex-boyfriend. He was my first and only crazy, head-over-heals love affair. We broke up, and I felt like I could never move on. I ended up getting married, but I still thought about him a lot. I ended up writing a whole letter to him, telling him how he was "the one" blah, blah, blah. and then right when I was finished writing it, I realized how ridiculous the whole thing was. I wasn't in love with him, I don't even know him anymore. We've had a handful of conversations since we broke up. Then I remembered...while he is sexy, and mysterious, and addictive, and exciting, and beautiful, I could never have a real life with him. He's also immature, irritable, and kind of a prick, to put it simply. I'd much rather be with someone who adores me and treats me like the most special person in world. I agree with the other posters...it sounds like you have what every woman in the world wants. Don't f$%k it up!

[kcgirl]

I have been in a similar situation. I was married and my husband and I were going through a hard time. We decided to separate and then immediately I ran into my first love. I decided that I was not going to work on my marriage anymore because my first love was so exciting and we had passion that I did not have in my marriage. I thought he was the love of my life, come to find out he did not change from high school. We still had the same problems resurface from the past. It is never as good as you think it will be. Move forward, don't live in the past. Let me tell you it was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life!!

 

I still wish to this day, 2.5 years later, that I would have stayed with my husband. Everyone who is thinking about an ex, please don't. Be happy with what you have and make the most out of it. I no longer have that chance to be with my husband. So PLEASE learn from my mistake!!!

[dolphin]

I can totally understand where youa re coming from.

I was in my marriage for 17years and thought i no longer loved him,

so i left him, i to have 2 kids. I left him for a more exciting life, without the problems (wrong it was a mistake)

I thought my husband would come chasing me, as he said i was the love of his life, and if i ever left him he wouldnt be able to cope.

Well guess what, he ended up with an old flame, 6 weeks after i left.

Now just over a year later, i am filing for divorce which i never wanted.

So be very careful of what you wish for

 

dolphin

[single30]

I understand what it feels like to think you are in love with someone else. And you very well may be. But, you are married. And if you love and care for your husband at all, do not act on anything until you have told him. I am 30 years old, have been with my husband since 20. We hit a very rough spot and things weren't looking good, I leaned on a friend and we fell in love. Long story short, my husband and I are in the process of getting a divorce. It is serious. He is hurt and shaken and there is nothing I can do to take it back. Being that you have children, I think that you need to handle this with even more care. You are going to have a relatoinship with this man for the rest of your life. You are still so young, so that is going to be a long time. You are at a crossroad, the actions you take will have consequences. Stop talking to your ex, and get into therpay with your husband. See where it goes from there. Good luck.

I know that those butterflies and that feeling of being wanted are hard to give up, but do it for your children.