off to work abroad, yet i have social anxiety

[lovekitty]

Hi guys I am reaching out to you all for some good advice and possibly tips on how you all do it.....make friends. Sounds stupid I know, i'm 24, I shouldn't be going through this...anyway here we go.

 

I am going to spain for 5 months to work in a big group of maybe 40 people, I will be around these everyday on a campus for the whole duration and as excited as I am, I am dreading being how I normally am with people at home...socially awkward. I have been shy all my life and it's developed into different stages throughout my life and now it has become crippling social anxiety where I cannot be in a room with just one person, I have gotten so used to being alone that now I prefer to be alone than make conversation, it's a viscous circle. Now i know it seems stupid for someone with SA to be working abroad, surely this is for confident people? and I know everyone is going to be ultra confident and this is why i'm worried and wanting to prevent the following labels...the quiet, sweet, innocent one. I want to make a good first impression and just a good impression in general throughout, I am terrified of being 'the quiet one' and 'the sweet innocent one' like I normally am, it's about time I got a break because I am tired of it, I dont get respect when I am the innocent one, people dont take me seriously and normally I'm the oldest most places I go yet i get patronised. I have seen how it is at these campus's you work everyday and the employees party every night together, as much as this isn't my cup of tea EVERY night, I like a drink once or twice a week, is it something I have to join in with with or without alcohol? my true self is funny, sometimes witty, silly and I am one of the most caring kind people I know, so I tend to get mistreated because of this, people just love taking advantage of my vulnerability.

 

I have to get a coach to spain with my fellow future co workers and that means 24 hours with them, I am very very nervous, what if they see straight through me right away? will my lack of social skills make me seem ignorant because I like sitting in silence? please help people, if you was in MY upcoming situation how do you make friends and a good first impression? how can I make friends and good conversation? (something I am lacking in due to lack of experience) how can I be the person I long to be...popular and have peeople saying ''hey ..... i miss you and our times at spain!''

[DazB]

Hey Lovekityy,

 

I suffer from social anxiety also and struggle myself with making friends. I have started many new jobs and have had a lot of worry about how I will come accross, whether people will like me but most of all being that awkward presence that spoils everyone elses good time - I think that's the biggest fear for me.

 

I have not recovered but I have improved (apart from recent set backs).

 

On nights out some people do expect others to drink but you do not have to. If you are more comfortable not drinking then I would say to not drink. You will likely get questioned as to why your not drinking which can be an awkward question to answer but be firm.

 

I can relate to the 'sweet' 'quiet' comments. I really dislike them labels. You may find that the first few weeks will be quite difficult. You may even feel like others are fitting in better than you and that it's because you are this or that. The truth is that it probably takes you longer to feel relaxed around others and is simply a part of your personality, so don't beat yourself up for not coming out your shell early on.

 

Being confident about yourself comes down to your thinking and learning to be more confident is a journey. The best part about this journey is that the further along you get the funner it is until eventually it gets exciting and wham! your there. As with anything progress takes time. You have been gifted with an oppurtunity to practice being confident and social - focus on your successes however small.

 

In a typical SA way - hope I haven't just written a load of drivel and good luck to you

[OntheWire]

I'd say make the quietness work for you. A person can look uncomfortable in their own quietness, like they want to talk, but are afraid or confused, OR they can look calm and collected with a reserved demeanor as if they don't have a lot to say.

 

You're not going to force yourself to be outgoing overnight...if you go into this with the expectation that you have to be, then you'll come off awkward. Just be comfortable and confident in being the reserved one. Only speak when you're absolutely sure you want to say something. Eventually, you'll open up as a natural recourse.