atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Ok I have allot of problems: First, I am not aloud to date, she is very shy, she is chinese and I am american, I can speak chinese kinda well but not really well and the only time I can see her is at her work which she gets off an hour after I do. The only thing my dad lets me do is play ping-pong with her, and that is with my little sister around, and she is also very busy and I can only do something with her once a week or so. I will Answer more Q's but that is a start. Help please. Link to comment
abcd1234 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Why is it that you are not allowed to date? Perhaps you could speak to your parents about it. You seem to get on with her quite well, do you think that she feels the same about you? abcd1234 Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 Yes she likes me but she is very shy and you would have to know the culture her in china. Link to comment
jasminebose Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Hi, First question- how old are you? If you are pretty young then I think you are going to have to try and accept your parents rules and just see her to play ping pong. If you are older I guess its up to you what you do. Second question- you said the girl is shy but do you know (has she told you) that she likes you? Or wants to date? If she does like you then I wouldn't be worried that you can't spend much time alone together, as you get older and get to know each other more this will change. Try to just enjoy the time you've got together. JZ Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 There is not really any hope in me being able to date her. Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 All I want to do IS spend time with her, we are both 17 and yes she has told me she likes me. Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 I asked her to call me tonight, but I have asked that before but she is too shy, she is affraid someone might hear or someone else may pick up the phone, but it is my cell phone so... Link to comment
abcd1234 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Well pehaps as you both grow older your parents will eventualy allow you to date. For the moment you will just have to make the most of the time that you get to be together, at least it is something for you to look forward to every week. Do you think that if you explained the situation to your parents they may consider allowing you to date this girl, you may never know unless you ask them. Dont always expect them to take the worst view on things, they may understand how you feel and decide to rethink those rules. abcd1234 Link to comment
jasminebose Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Is the issue about spending time together a cultural one? Is her or your family not happy about your relationship or is it just that they don't think you should date until your older? I wouldn't break their rules if you can avoid it as you don't want to end up not seeing each other at all. I would try talking to your parents to see if you could take her out sometimes with certain rules, i.e.back at a certain time. If you give your parents reason to trust you (and stick to their rules) they might let you accept more responsibility freedom. JZ Link to comment
abcd1234 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 If you own a cell phone then why dont you call her, it would give you a chance to talk about things and decide if you are going to try and tackle the situation or just keep things how they are. abcd1234 Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 Well I guess I should clear this up then, I am not hoping to "date" this girl I just want to spend time with her. I know my parents rules and they won't change till I am 18... but unfortunitly we will be back in the states by then...for good. Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 No it is not a cultural one. She lives with a bunch of people that work at this International compound and she only sees her family once a couple of weeks. And her family lives pretty far away. Link to comment
abcd1234 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Perhaps if you explained that to your parents. If they can understand that your intentions are just to spend time with her then maybe they will allow it. As jasminebose said, pehaps if you all sat down and decided on certain rules they might allow it. You may have to earn your parents trust. abcd1234 Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 She does not have a cell phone or phone #. She is pretty low down on the food chain if you get my meaning. And "class" of sorts is more big here. there are tons of poor people and there are a little bit of very rich people. no middle class stuff. not like in America. I may try to negotiate this with my parents...maybe. Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 The reason I already got this far was cause my parents trust me... And my parents are extremely careful in this area and I respect that... but it is a pain. Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 One of the bad (maybe good) things is that she works in our complex in a mini mart of sorts that sells foreign goods (western food) and so I am going to see very frequently. but I don't want to just see her I want to do things and talk etc. And she is very busy at work so that is not very easy. Link to comment
atigdng Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 Comments? questions? helpful hints? Link to comment
abcd1234 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 If your parents trust you then i dont see why they should have any reason not to trust you in this case. You say you respect your parents for trusting you so im sure you would never do anything to ruin that. She works in your complex and you want to do more than see her, pehaps you could find out when she takes breaks, goes for lunch and finishes work etc. That would probably give you more of an opportunity to talk with her and be together. abcd1234 Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 I think you need to discuss this with your parents...in a rational conversation, give them your reasons why you should be allowed to see her, what your intentions with seeing her are (just being friends and hanging out as it sounds) and then ask them questions that lead towards well why is it really that bad a thing for me to see her.... Link to comment
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