Feel like I am going backwards

[regular joe]

I feel like I am going backwards instead of forwards right now. It's been almost 11 months since I had to break up with my ex due to her excessive drinking. (you can read past post for the story.) I have recently been on a few dates and right now I am kind of seeing someone. I guess it's more of a FWB situation, as she is just starting a divorce and has a lot going on right now. I am attracted to her, we get along great, we can talk for hours on end. The problem is the benefits. I have never had such awkward sex in my life. I don't even think my very first time was as awkward as it is with her. We do not click in the bedroom. When we kiss she gets my motor running, problem is though she can't drive a stick shift to put it nicely. I have never had this problem before. When my very first love and I broke up with me and I went on a man- * * * * * binge, even the ONS seemed like hot steamy passionate sex. It is really starting to make me miss my ex all over again and it's getting me down. I also swear if one more person, usually females like a mutual acquaintance, when they bring up the subject my ex. They'll ask what happened and when I do talk about it and try to keep short as possible, the cliff notes version. They always say You must really have cared or still care about her. I can see the hurt in your eyes. I will admit I do still care, I have never been so in love with anyone in all my life, but she refuses to have any kind of contact with me. So I have no choice and I am trying to move on the best I can. Even this woman said it to me one night, when she asked why we(my ex and I) split up after being together so long and I gave her the cliff note version of the events. Then she even asked what I would do if she (ex) did contact me. I replied I don't know, I don't think about it, she refuses to even speak with me. The whole thing is just getting me down. When I met the ex, I was a little ways from another LTR. When we met though it was like a light switch was turned on and life got better almost overnight. I guess I just wish I could find that. As far as I know from what people have told me the ex is still single and stays home alone most nights. When I hear that I can't help but to wonder if she feels like do, but can't understand why she will not talk to me. I have given her the opportunity to do so. I just wish I could make sense of things. If anyone has any advice you think maybe helpful I am all ears.

[regular joe]

At this point in time there have been 57 views, one response that was deleted. Maybe someone can at least try to answer this question. I believe I tried everything I could to try to get her to get it together again. What the heck ever made me think that hurting the one person I loved more than anything in this world was the only option I had left to helping her? I keep second guessing myself, did I do everything I could or was there something else I could have done.

[strawberry]

Im so sorry you're going through this. I really I wish I could give you some sound advice, but honestly it seems to me like you're doing everything you can do at this point. I think though that you should stop seeing the woman you're with now. As nice as it is to be with her and kiss her etc, the sex is really seeming to get to you (as it would anyone) and I think in order for you to keep moving forward, you need to end this relationship and wait for the right person to come along. Sometimes its better to be alone than with someone you dont click with 100%.

 

Whenever Im feeling overwhelmed and like Im never going to find someone like my ex, I repeat this in my head:

 

"god please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." If your ex has not contacted you and you have given her many opportunities then you need to, as hard as it is, let it go for now. You have done all you can do.

 

I wish you the best.