Just wanted to share... i don't want to live any longer and it'w been hunting me for a while...

[buba]

I have been on this forum for years, but not in this section of it...

I am thinking about ending it all daily...I know you will say I am depressed and need a therapist, heh....I have a Ph.d myself and alo have a therapist....It's not working though...

I am so fed up with this existence...my daughter is almost 13 (I am a single mom and she just started acting out....)

My ex husband left me for a 20 year old... I am in my 40th, but look way younger...I get plenty of attention from younger guys in their 20th)...

I also write music and perform professionally...it's something I really love doing.

My mother died recently from alcoholism, my dad, who raised me and was my best friend passed away recently as well...i have no soul that is related to me in US ( I grew up in another country, but lived here for 17 years and even got my doctorate degree in US).

Who cares? I like someone who was my age(for a change)! All he wanted was sex...Casual encounters...I have an affair with someone half my age...a model from my country who wants to come to US and marry me tomorrow, hehehe...I guess he needs his green card so he can leave me for a 20 year old a year later....we talk on 'Skype" daily...He sais that age is not an issue and he loves me deeply....Yeah..

I was a celebrity in my country(13 major motion pictures, all leads)....

Who cares? I am so fed up...I really don't want to live...was thinking about ending it all and be with my dad...I miss him so bad...He was the only man that really loved me...I am just afraid to take a bunch of pills and go through physical pain...It's only 10 am in LA and I am so tempted to end my life....I just wanted to share...U don't have to tell me that I need a shrink or a good friend... Just tell me the best way to end it all...without suffering...

[please.delete.thi]

Dear buba

 

Have you ever tried to sit with yourself quietly for a few moments every day and just observe the pain you are going through? No judgements, no suffering, just observe. Sit comfortably somewhere, close your eyes and pay attention to your breath. Instead of holding on to these horrible feelings, let them pass through you. If you try, they will go away. This might seem like a cliche, but I tell you from personal experience that perseverance in observation of yourself works wonders. But you must want to change. You must have faith in whatever you believe. Things were not always like this, right? In the past you enjoyed happiness, success and love. You will most certainly enjoy much more happiness, success and love in the future. But you must allow it. You must desire it. And you must live to see it happening. Hold on, practice, trust and things WILL get better. You will see.

[greensleeves]

Buba, you want to know the best way to end it all without suffering, what about the suffering that you would put your daugher through? There's no way to stop that from happening and there's no suicide that doesn't cause suffering to someone.

 

You've lost your mom and your dad recently and you're grieving. I know you don't want to hear that it might help you to see a shrink, but have you considered grief counseling? It's a terrible loss and you shouldn't go through it alone. Do you think you could give yourself some time to heal before considering something so drastic as taking your own life?