First date - how to end the night

[greenrebellion]

I've been on 6 first dates with girls I've met online over the past 7 months or so, and I have a question on the best way to end the date. Since its online, I treat these first dates more as pre-dates, generally doing lunch and wrapping it up after an hour or so (not sure if this context matters for my question but I threw it in there).

 

On four of my first dates, I ended it very casually by saying "it was nice meeting you, take care" giving her a friendly hug and then off we go. For the other two first dates that I've been on, I've ended it by saying something to the effect of "I had a great time, we should get together again." Ironically, the two were I ended it more enthusiastically and basically let her know I was interested, I didn't get a second date, whereas the first four, they were willing to go out again.

 

Granted its a small sample size, and I'm not saying that I should draw conclusions from my experience. But I read online somewhere a while back that if you end the date without leaving them wondering a bit, then they go home and analyze the date for red flags, rather than going home and analyzing the date for whether or not that date went well and/or I was interested. Is there any truth to this, how do you guys and gals like to end a first date or "pre-date."

[annie24]

i think you should stick to what you are doing. if you don't want to see her again, say thanks, have a good night. if you want to see her again, tell her. i agree that you have had a small sample size and can't infer. keep trying!!!!

[Cognitive_Canine]

Only an hour?

 

I'm not an internet dater, so, I don't know if there is a difference. But, I'd assume a man wasn't into me if we met for the first time and he left after an hour. The dates that get seconds are ones where we talk for like 4 hours and are amazed by how much we have in common. Typically when we start getting dirty looks from the waiting staff (for being there forever and laughing too loud) do we finally cut the date.

 

And, I'm sorry...but I kiss on the first date if I connected with someone. Maybe I'm a bit faster than everyone else. But, I kiss guys I want to see again just so all doubt is erased that I had a good time.

[annie24]

i haven't noticed a huge difference. i've had really amazing first dates with guys that lasted 4 hours and they said they would call me and i never heard from them again! weird. i don't think that 1 hour is too short, no.

[Lovelace]

If the guy said, "Yep, nice to meet you. Have a nice day," I would take that as an ending, see ya, sort of thing. I prefer that a guy leave absolutely no doubt how he feels about me. But I like my men affectionate and forthcoming.

[greenrebellion]

I'd say mine have varied between 1 and 2 hours. I like cutting them a bit on the shorter side for a couple of reasons.

 

A) as Annie noted, even long dates don't necessarily equate to success. Getting a second date is the best gauge of whether it went well or not.

B) By cutting it short, I end while the conversation is still flowing very well and it keeps her wanting more.

 

But how to end it has been my struggle. Kissing at the end of the date, which is essentially the first time we've met in person, seems a bit forward, I'm much more comfortable going for that during the next date. I'm just not sure how far to go in showing interest at the end of these first dates.

[Cognitive_Canine]

By cutting it short, you make me believe that you had something better to do and had had enough. When someone takes away something like that, it doesn't leave me wanting more, it just makes me go find someone willing to give it to me. Again, that's just me. But I think your abrupt ending is what is causing them to not want second dates with you. They figure you don't like them all that much.

[greenrebellion]

By cutting it short, you make me believe that you had something better to do and had had enough. When someone takes away something like that, it doesn't leave me wanting more, it just makes me go find someone willing to give it to me. Again, that's just me. But I think your abrupt ending is what is causing them to not want second dates with you. They figure you don't like them all that much.

 

Thanks for the feedback. I wouldn't say its abrupt, I mean I find natural conversation stopping points, and I think its somewhat natural to eat lunch talk for a bit and leave after an hour or so, but I could be wrong.

[Martin1]

I'm not a woman but.. just end the dates how you feel most comfortable with.

I think if you keep asking and listening to people about such simple and small things you might just end up in a relationship with a person that isn't right for you.

[newwave]

Actually, in a few cases 1 hour was too long. When meeting online dates (I don't do online dating anymore) I decide on a minute by minute. I've even ended meetings within 5 minutes (this is when the guy lied about his looks or something else). Those that I'm not interested in, I'll tell them they were nice but I didn't see a future with them. If they think they'd like to be friends (maybe with the idea something else may develop and it could) then they usually say this. If I am interested I'll throw out some ideas of future dates. Usually my experience has been that if they are interested they will say something about a movie or a dinner.

[dr_styles]

If we're talking online "first meets", 1hr over lunch or coffee seems right to me anyway, then you ask them out on a proper first date. As for what you are doing, sounded like you're doing the right thing

[adamt]

i've been on about 7 dates since november. just got back from one about 1 hour ago.

if i like someone and think the date has gone ok then towards the end of the date i just say i've had a good time and would like to go out again. they all said (4 of them) they would like to go out again. if i wasnt really that bothered then i would just say nice to meet you..take care..etc

 

however i am yet to reach a 2nd date apart from one of them. had contact after the first date but then two of them either didnt read my mail or left the website. 3rd one we went for a meal and then coffee after and still trying to arrange a 2nd date but she seems to be getting cold feet or just busy.

 

so what i'm saying is if you like them then let them know towards the end of the date that you would like to go out again and if they are happy too then say you will email in a few days. you have nothing too lose. if they say no, you wont see them again anyway