Springs Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 So basically, my boyfriend can be quite quiet around people he doesn't really know very well, and I guess this can come off as him being rude or uninterested. My friends have said they're not sure if he's right for me etc etc..but I know obviously know him extremely well and we do have a very good relationship. I know my friends have never really warmed to him, and he says he doesn't see the need in becoming pals with them as his only interest is me. This is quite frustrating as it's important for me to be with someone my friends can get along with too. I feel like it creates a kind of atmosphere when he's in the flat as my friend's don't like him! I actually had a similar concern about him when we first started dating, as I thought he might be somewhat arrogant and cocky. However I have to admit this actually attracted me to him in a strange way, and through getting to know him, I've realised that he really isn't like that at all!!! I wish my friends could see this! Ahhhh!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBroken Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Ive been in that situation myself....just give it time. How long have you guys been together? Perhaps you can ask your boyfriend to try to be a bit more social around your friends. Tell him it is important to you. Once he opens up, Im sure your friends will enjoy him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springs Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 We've been together for 7 months. It's a difficult thing to bring up with him as I don't want to be rude by telling him I don't like how he behaves around my friends. Especially since I know it's not just plain rudeness but actually just shyness. He's so different around me and I just wish my friends could see that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBroken Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Well you can only let your friends know that he is shy but they will more then likely not understand it. If he isnt interested in becoming friends with your friends, then maybe you need to start hanging out with them without him. Just until he is ready to come around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 Listen to what he says and accept it - or not. He is not interested in making new friends or socializing with these people, even if they are your friends, even if it is important to you. I used to be attracted to men who were quiet with an air of arrogance - made me feel special if they opened up to me - but this is certainly the downside. It used to be very important for my friends to like my SO or, when I was younger, think he was good looking but that became less important as I got older. I would want to know if my close friends saw a character flaw or something untrustworthy but they don't need to "like" him. If that's very important to you, then you have a decision to make and it sounds like you've basically made it - that this guy is more important to you than whether they like him. What I would do is plan social stuff with your friends without your SO around and see if he'll compromise and be willing to be a little friendlier if you plan an event that doesn't require much interaction - like going to see a play together with a quick drink after (or no drink!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainNapalm Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 When your friends say that they feel he's not really right for you I think what they really mean is that they don't feel he's right for them. Only you know if the person your'e with is right for you so leaving an otherwise healthy relationship because your friends don't like the company of your boyfriend is not something I believe in. It would be one thing if he was mistreating them but if he's just quiet it shouldn't be a big deal. Maybe he thinks they're too loud but you don't see him complaining for you to leave your friends. And would you? Probably not, so I think the key word here is comprimise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le MX5 Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 So what if your friends don't like him? That doesn't mean you don't have to like him.. You shouldn't let other people tell YOU what's right for YOU because THEY aren't YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springs Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 Thanks guys. I guess I feel like they're judging me and my relationship. It bugs me that they know I'm happy with him but can't seem to be happy for me, just because they haven't got much in common with him. I could try integrating him into things we do together, but I'm afraid that the real him that I know still wouldn't come out and it would just exaggerate their perception of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le MX5 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Thanks guys. I guess I feel like they're judging me and my relationship. It bugs me that they know I'm happy with him but can't seem to be happy for me, just because they haven't got much in common with him. I could try integrating him into things we do together, but I'm afraid that the real him that I know still wouldn't come out and it would just exaggerate their perception of him. It's yours and his relationship, not your friends', just don't let them get in the way of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geekgirl4 Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 I think it's rather rude that he doesn't think its necessary at all to try to be friends with your friends. I say it's important that he at least try when it comes to your close friends. Friends shouldn't determine whether you stay with a guy or not (unless he's really a douche), but I think people should at least try to get along. How important are your friends to you? If they are an important aspect of your life, your bf needs to get over his shyness and try to reach out to that part of your life. But that's just me : ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springs Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 I think it's rather rude that he doesn't think its necessary at all to try to be friends with your friends. I say it's important that he at least try when it comes to your close friends. Friends shouldn't determine whether you stay with a guy or not (unless he's really a douche), but I think people should at least try to get along. How important are your friends to you? If they are an important aspect of your life, your bf needs to get over his shyness and try to reach out to that part of your life. But that's just me : ) I agree! I'm going to try to talk to him about this because it is getting so tough to balance friends and boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildchild1 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I agree! I'm going to try to talk to him about this because it is getting so tough to balance friends and boyfriend. I wouldn't, you already got good advice about how he feels and where he stands. And telling him to get over his shyness at your pace and not his will only stress things in the relationship because you are asking him to change his personality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geekgirl4 Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 But I think sometimes you do have to change, at least a little bit, when it comes to an area of great importance to your partner. I think at times, people have to try changing in order to grow up. If you always shrug off trying to be friends with people by using the excuse that you don't need to, well, I think that's a rather poor outlook on life. If anything, I think the writer could compromise. He could make an effort to come out of his shell and she could start by having him meet one friend at a time. Sometimes meeting a group of friends can be daunting, but having just the three of them hang out, it could be easier to get to know each other. I'm not advocating a total 180 but it seems from the writer that he just doesn't bother and doesn't think it's necessary at all. If friends are a really important aspect of your life, then having your partner have this sort of attitude can hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 i had an ex that didn't like going out with my guy friends because she felt they never talked to her. it was her that never said a word and wasn't that responsive. i told her that. next time, she opened up and had a blast. case was closed. need to communicate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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