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Too weak to run or fight him anymore


holdingon

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I dont think ive been at a lower point in my life. I used to feel that i had at least a little strength to either get out of the relationship or stand up to him but it feels as though every move i make he is one step ahead. Im scared to go in case he follows me and im scared to stay in case he comes. Im scared typing this in case he finds internet history, im scared to call anyone. i feel like Ive lost my support system and I dont know where to turn anymore. He is so powerful. I cant see a way around his manipulation, it feels too much when i feel so weak physically and im emotionally dead. I feel like giving up, im sick of fighting someone who i can never win against. Im sick of the tease of freedom then that hope being wiped out by a mistake i make or something i miss. I cant do it anymore

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What is the situation? Is he physically assaulting you? Obviously he's being mentally and emotionally abusive.

 

Do you have any kids?

 

The best way to erase (avoid) a website coming up in browser "history" is to "Google" it and follow the link from there. I've tried this from work and it really words. You can even erase it in the Google history.

 

From what you have said, you need a "plan"... You need to think about your moves well ahead of when you leave. You'll need a place to stay (secret), and you'll need some money. But, the most important thing is to plan it out.

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Sweetie, you CAN leave. You are not too weak. You need to be strong. I have multiple sclerosis, and most of the time barely have the strength to walk. But two months ago, I left my emotionally and physically abusive relationship of four years. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But once I did it, the relief was overwhelming. I know that if I can do it, so can you. You do what you need to do to get out of this situation. Be strong. Just do it and do it now before it is too late.

 

I know from your earlier posts that you do have family and friends that you can go to. You need to put aside your guilt over "lying" to them about your relationship and ask them for help. They will forgive you. And if they don't, that's their problem. You need help. Don't let this man ruin your life. He's not worth it. Repeat after me - HE IS NOT WORTH IT!!

 

Big hugs and lots of prayers,

 

Lisa

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Wow, Hermes, that last link is a great article (I haven't read the first one yet.) It described exactly what went on in my marriage. I actually left three times. The first time, I just grabbed a laundry basket of my clothes and my toothbrush and fled while he was sleeping over to my son's house. That didn't work because I was not emotionally ready to let go and I didn't have anything in place, so after two days at my son's house, I went back. The second time, I rented a house and had my daughter and her husband move up from Florida to live with me. Again, I wasn't quite ready to let go and went back again. But this last time, I had everything in place, including my resolve. And I'm NOT going back ever again.

 

Holdingon, please read those articles that Hermes gave you the links for. You'll see that you're not alone, and you'll also see what you need to do to get ready to go. As mgirl said, you have to have a plan. You have to know how, where, and when you're going. Then just go. Get a restraining order if you need to (though I've never trusted those things. They're just a piece of paper, after all.) Do what you need to do. And you CAN do it. We're here for you to help you. Hang in there.

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What do we need to talk you out of, dear? Leaving? If that is the case, we can't and won't, as we feel that you need to leave if you're so miserable and he is abusing you.

 

Do you have a plan yet? Make sure your finances and support people are in place. Just focus on that and not on him. And leave as soon as you can!

 

Hang in there. If I can do it, so can you!

 

Hugs,

 

Lisa

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He is trying to reel me back in again but I know that I have to be strong. I know hes lieing to me and hes not going to change, hes doing this so he can use me again and ill be back under his control. I just have to remember im stronger than that and im stronger than any manipulation he trys on me

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Stay strong!! You are right about him. He will tell you exactly what you want to hear to get you back, then once you are back under his control, the abuse will only get worse. Believe me, I went through the same thing three times (though this last time I did not go back and I won't ever go back.)

 

You can do it. You deserve a better life. Someday you'll look back and wonder why you were ever with him in the first place. And you'll be so glad to be free!

 

Hugs,

 

Lisa

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  • 1 month later...

Great advice from everyone. When I was 32, I made such a "plan". I was walking on eggshells everyday he came home I would know the kind of mood he was in by the way he turned the key at the front door. At that time, I had two sons aged 4 and 7. They'd already witness abuse on me and I wanted the chain to break. From h is father to him, to my sons? I didnt think so. I had no friends, no money, no hope. This is what I was told to do. Make a 'Plan". Write it out, step by step. Since I don't know where you live, its hard to say what agency to call.

 

1.) Get a restraining order at the courthouse (justice of the peace can do this)

2.) Go to your local Social Assistance office and explain the situation. They will most likely give you emergency funds

3.) You then find an apartment to live or shelter (if you are in danger-shelter is best).

4.) If you have kids, notify the school they will be leaving and you need a transfer to the new place you're going to.

5.) All of this is done without him being aware. Then:

6) Notify family, friends anyone that can help you move quickly (someone with a truck)

7) When he is out of the house, start shipping your things out (kids stuff too).

8.) Get into a safe place because when he comes home, all hell will break lose but you will already have everything in place, your restraining order, your money, your homes, your family, friends, shelter, school-everything will be laid out.

 

If he attempts to contact you in anyway after this he will be arrested. The restraining order should indicate no phone calls either. You will need to go to court if there are kids involved. never go anywhere alone for the next while (few months) until things have cooled down somewhat. But in my case? I never trusted him alone even after 15 years.

 

You will know whats best for you, but you have to have courage, you have to want to go all the way with this. You will have to run for your life and never look back.

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