Humanity

[JTRambo99]

ok., you know what, i am sick of humanity. everytime i go out people stare at me, people judge me, people look at me and laugh. WHY THE DO PEOPLE DO THIS. sure youll say im paranoid. believe im not paranoid. and yeah, iv read loads of people on here saying the same things and crybabying about it. but believe me EVERYONE stares at me and gives me disgusting looks. why the do they do this. iv thought of everything, the clothes i where, my face, am i ugly, do i act weird, do i walk strange, do i have strange mannerisms, do i look dishevled, do i look awkward. and for the love of god. WHY THE DO PEOPLE ALWAYS LAUGH AND STARE AND JUDGE ME. HERES A MESSAGE FOR YOU , I ALREADY SUFFER FROM SEVRE DEPRESSION, IT DOSNT HELP THAT SOCIETY REJECTS ME EVERYDAY. why cant people just accept me? what the is it. i am starting to turn into a complete misanthrope. i hate humanity. sometimes i feel like buying guns, making pipe bombs and going on a columbine type rampage in a shopping mall. for the love of god people. i dont really know who cares. or who im talking to anymore. i guess fueling my anger on here is a way to cope. people just seem to hate me. the irony is, im probably the most nicest person youll ever meet, but humanity is turning against it. god im sick of life. i feel like punching random in the face sometimes. if this carrys on im gonna go postal. i guess you people on here are the same. EVERYONE IS. i hate trends as well, if anyones different you all judge them. god i hate everything about humanity. i guess im just looking for someone to care. i feel like i should post a photo. but i guees youll all say, "OOOOOOOH, you loook weird, you look deranged, god your ugly, i wouldnt wanna be your friend

 

i guess im just looking for someone who cares. im running out of patience with alll..... of............ YOU!

[BellaDonna]

i guess im just looking for someone to care. i feel like i should post a photo. but i guees youll all say, "OOOOOOOH, you loook weird, you look deranged, god your ugly, i wouldnt wanna be your friend

 

Hey- I'm sorry you are feeling this way. You are welcome to post a photo. No one here is going to treat you badly.

 

Did something specific happen recently that got you so angry? In your last thread you sounded depressed, but not this angry.

 

What happened?

[EQIQ]

You know, people in general are good. But humanity as a whole is degrading. Hope you feel better man...

 

P.S: Pele is the best

[JTRambo99]

well, iv just had it. the more people reject me the more rage builds up. see even someone like "bellaDonna" you seem like such a nice person. but i expect if you met me youd insult the * * * * outta me. thats what makes me so * * * * ing angry. wenever i try to make friends or anything, i think, oh yeah they look nice, i and i say hi, and they just turn there back. i just wish people would accept me. why does everyone hate me. i guess it might be because im soooo * * * * ing ugly. i mean real ugly. more ugly than the hunchback. never had a girlfriend either. thats how * * * * ing sad my life is. its hard to explain, but i really do feel like dylan klebold sometimes, the more you get rejected the more you tend to hate humanity. i just wanna grab i shotgun, shove it in my mouth and BAM, all is over.

 

ps

yea i would love to post a photo. i guess im too anxious though, everyone on here is gonna give me the saaammmmeeee.....ooollldd.... booooring...... insults i get every...day...of....my ....stinking.....life,

 

sigh...................................

[BellaDonna]

You're assuming that all people are mean and will insult you.

 

see even someone like "bellaDonna" you seem like such a nice person. but i expect if you met me youd insult the * * * * outta me. thats what makes me so * * * * ing angry.

 

I don't insult people/harm others if I can avoid it. It sounds like you are around mean people.

 

How old are you and where are you when this is happening to you?

 

The only place I can think of where people tend to be immature and go out of their way to be mean like that is in high school settings or other places where cliques form.

[JTRambo99]

sorry if i sounded mean to you, i apologise. yes i am in high school, i get sevrely bullied everyday. but the problem is, i get it outside of school. i get it everywhere. it just seems like everyone is against me. iv sorta made up a plan to live for one year, and try to better myself, and if all goes well, ill, live, if all fails, ill splatter my brains all over the walls. sorta like a terminal illness, i call it terminal suicide

[BellaDonna]

Bullying is terrible. I had it happen to me before in high school.

 

Are you parents/guardians aware of it? Have you ever told anyone at the school about it- like a school counselor?

 

I have to sign off for a while but keep talking. There are plenty of people on enotalone that will listen, and I will catch up with your thread later when I return.

[BellaDonna]

How are you feeling today, JTRambo99?

[JTRambo99]

hi, same always

 

iv got a picture, i spect youll laugh, i really want people to say if i look strange, ugly, weird, crazy or watever, i just wanna know why people always stare at me

[I_Speak_Jive]

Hey dude,

 

I hope you don't think I am trying to placate you so that you feel better, because there is nothing in it for me --but I am looking at your picture and you look... good. As in, you are actually a good-looking guy. In your pic you look a little broody perhaps, which is understandable given what a hard time you are having, but you do not look weird, crazy or anything of the sort.

 

I am going to share a bit of my story with you here --I don't know if it will help at all, but it might.

 

When I was 13, I moved from my hometown (the capital of my country) to a smaller city with my family. My parents put me in a school which was essentially a school for the kids of the provincial elite --kids from rich backgrounds and a HUGE sense of entitlement.

 

I was completely unprepared for it. I was a very good-natured kid and I just wanted to make friends, but when the so-called "cool kids" (which is what they called themselves, for real) tried to --I guess the word would be "recruit" me-- into their gang I immediately realised they were really mean to others and I sort of politely distanced myself from them, and they turned vicious. It was hell: they started treating me like dirt, calling me names, mocking me, insulting me, stealing my stuff, even tried to beat me up (I quickly nipped that in the bud by winning a couple of fist-fights, which I absolutely advise you to NOT get into under any circumstances unless it's self-defense in the strictest sense, which was my case).

 

And it pretty much wrecked me. Things at home were pretty rough too, so I had nowhere to turn to except inwards. I became so insecure and introverted, and basically terrified of people. I couldn't understand what the hell was going on and why people seemed to hate me so much. I didn't want to go out but I didn't want to be home either, so I used to find places to "hide" in --I used to spend a lot of time wandering alone around the city, or in a park, or the public library where I knew that none of the meat-heads from school would ever go.

 

I wasn't angry like you are, I was just extremely sad and confused. Really, all I wanted was for people to respect me the same way I respected them, or if that was too much to ask for, at least that they would leave me alone. But they wouldn't, and it got too much for me to handle, so I actually tried to kill myself twice. It wasn't just the bullying, it was a number of things, but yeah. I just didn't see any way out, and I thought life would be exactly this way forever. I positively HATED myself and I cried myself to sleep every night (literally), asking God why he had made me so hideous, so ugly, so undesirable, so abnormal...

 

Fast-forward to now --it's been sixteen years-- and during this time I have moved out of that town, lived in six different countries (and counting), three different continents; gotten my bachelors from one of the best universities in the world, my Masters and now pursuing my PhD, all of it paid for by myself (well, and scholarships, of course); there have been amazing trips, fascinating jobs, crappy but fun jobs; music festivals, new bands, raves until dawn; a modelling contract (ugh, not what's cracked up to be, but hey, who's the "ugly kid" now!); love, sex, friendships; art, museums, amusement parks; heartbreak and a few tears and a big learning curve. I am happier than I ever thought I could be. Quite simply I love my life. I love life, period. If I were to die this afternoon, I would do so as an extremely fulfilled and happy person.

 

The moral of the story is that it would have been a damned shame if I had let those douchebags from school rob me of everything that was to come.

 

You won't believe me now, probably --but maybe tomorrow or next month you will: this life is YOURS, not theirs. Don't harm yourself in any way. Go seize life, bit by bit, and let the haters do their thing.

 

If you hurt yourself, you're playing right into their hands. Do you really want to let them win?

 

(And no, hurting them is not an option either; you don't deserve to be bullied and treated like crap, that's unquestionable --but trust me when I say that acting out will solve absolutely nothing and will only make things harder for you).

[murman2]

Hey sorry to hear your going through so much man. You actually look like a good friend of mine and he gets good looking girls. Your not a bad looking guy for real. Talk to a therapist, they will help you deal with your depression and figure out a way to feel better. You deserve to feel better, your still really young and I know high school can be brutal trust me. College is really fun you should try to go, everyone is much more accepting in my experience. I had a similar situation as you in High school, but it does get better.. If you tough this out you can get through anything.

[Nineveh]

Dont let what other people think of you conquer you. I believe you too, most people do judge, they have something to say about everything. But you know what? They're just people... they'll forget it all happened moments after you meet or pass by them. If they're big enough jerks to judge you like they do, then obviously they have much bigger problems.

 

Trust me, I'm no big fan of people, I much prefer the company of my dog and cat to that of other people for the most part, but I don't let what other people think of me determine how I live my life. Try not to let what other people think of you determine how you think of yourself.

 

I hope you feel a little better (about humanity) soon ...

[BellaDonna]

Hey sorry to hear your going through so much man. You actually look like a good friend of mine and he gets good looking girls. Your not a bad looking guy for real. Talk to a therapist, they will help you deal with your depression and figure out a way to feel better. You deserve to feel better, your still really young and I know high school can be brutal trust me. College is really fun you should try to go, everyone is much more accepting in my experience. I had a similar situation as you in High school, but it does get better.. If you tough this out you can get through anything.

 

I agree. You are not bad looking at all- my only recommendation would be to smile.

 

College is definitely a better experience than high school too. I found high school to he the worst years of my life. It all got better once I graduated and went to college.