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Meeting up with ex-gf after 4-5mo being broken up - How do I regain attraction???


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Ok, quick little update. Ex and I were in a LDR of approx a year. We seen each other every 2 months for at least a week. In the beginning our relationship was great! We couldn't get enough of each other. Then throughout the relationship we had things start tearing us apart....distance and normal relationship problems. She said she doesn't have the spark anymore because of the problems we had. We used to have tons of fun just doing funny stupid stuff together and after a while the problems and distance got to us and it made us stop doing those fun things and it almost became stressful. Anyways, a lot of time has passed and I feel like I've let a lot of the problems go and am back to the fun/care-free attitude.....but I'm not sure she has gotten there yet. So I just be myself like I was when we met which was flirty, fun, and care-free??? or because she hasn't let go of everything yet should I tone it down a little for a push-pull effect??? I just don't think she will look at all the fun and stupid things we used to do together the same way she used to so I'm not sure how to appoach it.

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Well - you can't make someone be attracted to you. I think you have to start over from scratch with eachother. It is hard to startover long distance. I think you need to honestly review if this is the right relationship for both of you. Do you have enough of a foundation versus just "acting silly" to continue? If you only get to see eachother every two months - was there any time you were in the same town (i.e., the relationship started out with you two near eachother and someone moved).

 

Don't be "like when you met" - be who you are right now. Otherwise it would be inauthentic and like you were "putting moves" on her. Some of the problems with long distance relationships is that when people see eachother, most of the time its like "being on vacation" and some of the bigger questions don't come up because you are just "not there." if she is not "feeling it" there really is no way to get her to feel the old way again - you can only worry about yourself.

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The thing is that I am the same person all along. Fun, Funny, outgoing and kinda crazy but all the stresses of the relationship were causing me not to be that way. We were both in the same city for a few months because she was just getting done with school and had to move back to her country but never in a relationship until we started talking everyday for like literally 14 hours a day for a solid 3-4 months. I went to go see her and it just happened and we both felt it was right even though were new LDRs were hard. I found that the stresses were causing me to be more cautious and not the person I am almost as I was looking for approval or what would she think. I realize I'm back to myself again after hanging with friends and it just came around after I let it all go. Be both have agreed that we have/had something amazing...most amazing she or I have ever experienced. There were obviously times where I was just not there for sure and its hard. I want to be with this girl and she was actually going to move to be with me...then 2 mos before stuff hit the fan and it all ended. I just wonder if I should keep it cautious and not be too flirty/fun or if I should keep my care free attitude

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