Well What do I do?...

[Kittengirl]

Hi Guys,

It's been 9 weeks since I was dumped by my BF of 5 years(the whole sordid tale is on here)and I thought/think I am doing really well. I have some fantastic friends, one in particular, a guy, who treats me like a princess and really seems to care for me. My social life has picked up and I feel like I am living again at last. Only 5 weeks ago I thought I would die, I felt so desperate, lonely and sad. WOW what a change. Anyway I was out last week and saw the ex for the first time since I moved out of our home. He was with the woman he left me for. I was with a group of friends and knew he was watching me. I chose to ignore him and carried on to the next bar with my friends.Keep in mind that we have had no contact what so ever and it has been very hard for me as I loved him so much.The very next morning I have a text message from him asking to see me. I didn't respond all day but replied in the end saying 'why'.He then proceeded to tell me how great I looked and how miserable he felt, that he has been a fool, that he wants us to try again blah,blah,blah. I didn't answer. That evening he turned up at my apartment begging me to allow him in but I refused. He called me the next day so I decided that I would meet him to hear what he has to say. Also, if i'm honest, for him to see the new me(I've lost weight and changed my hair). I spent 2 hours with him, he continued with the same BS as the texts.I am sooooo confused. I still feel terribly bitter and really like the guy I'm seeing, but I still love this rat, it's not the same as before but it is still strong. My head says forget him but...Do I risk missing out on this great new guy who will do anything for me or do I go back and try and rebuild with the ex????He's cheated(he says he has'nt), he's lied, he's been selfish and manipulating and he's humiliated me. Simple decision you may think but I have absolutely no control over my emotions now! Please help!

[fantasia2004]

Right now I think it is time for you two to be apart for awhile and see if you really are to be with one another.

 

Time will tell right now and he is reacting because maybe he found out that you were now dating other guys so he sees you in a better lite and is anxious because he is rethinking his decision to dump you. So let it5 play out just continue dating this new guy if you think it is time for you to be in a long term relationship then fine. If not then okay too. As FOR THE EX, HE JUST NEEDS TO CHILL!

 

Give yourself time and rethink if it is worth it to go back to something that can hurt you again without remorse?

 

Are you worth it or do you want to maintain sanity and happiness?

 

Think about it.

 

The past is the past and should stay that way

[Stranger]

Wouldn't life be so much easier if we could all control what we feel!!!! Reality is we can't, and I know what your going through. I broke up with my ex of 6 years and still nearly 4 months, I feel the emptiness. However, there was no cheating involved, we just broke up over our differences(I AM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT).

 

Consider the fact that he left you for another women, if someone loved you so much then why choose another women. I could of never even thought of leaving my ex for another women, it was because my love was true to her. Understand your self worth and never and I MEAN NEVER put anyone ahead. You matter just as much as any person on this earth, so give yourself the same amount of respect you deserve. Would you like this to happen to you again...hurting is not fun and honestly to do something as bold as leaving you and being with another person, it has to end there. READ WHAT YOU WROTE AND THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A SECOND!!!!

 

He's cheated(he says he has'nt), he's lied, he's been selfish and manipulating and he's humiliated me.

 

What do you think you should do????????? I think you already know!!!

[Kittengirl]

Thank you all for your opinions, just to update.Since I saw the EX on saturday he has continued to text me and has called me too. Yesterday I told him that his actions had got me in turmoil and that I don't think it's wise for us to be in contact for a while. When he first told me it was over I emailed the woman who he left me for to get some straight answers.I did the same today, his story about their relationship differs greatly from what she has told me.I don't know if she's telling me the truth but I suspect she is.She has filled in all the gaps that he convieniently left and I have decided that he really isn't worth the heartache.I can see now that he would just do this to me again when he thinks the grass is greener! Both me and this woman have decided to get rid of him so I'm afraid he has lost out big time. I have decided to carry on seeing the lovely guy who treats me with respect and try and put the ex in the past once and for all.

[Hopingpraying]

Kitten,

 

I think you are making the right choice, although I do feel for your EX. And while I love my (soon to be) Ex-wife dearly and would never think about cheating on her, I can understand how the grass can suddenly be greenier on the other side. People get into relationships and more often then not start to take the other person for granted. When that happens the resentment builds and someone ends up getting hurt. Sounds like he is going to pay dearly for his mistakes, and now that his current girl is going to dump him too I am sure you haven't heard the last from him.

 

Stay strong!! You deserve the best and don't let anyone walk on you again.

[Kittengirl]

Thank you H&P, I feel so mixed up but I know this is the right decision for me right now, hard as it is. I have spent so many years doing things to make his life better and I truly feel it's my turn now. I'm sure he will reappear sooner or later because he is a guy who always wants what is out of reach.

[raider5]

You're doing great girl!!!!!

 

Wow, sounds like everything is working out in the end for you.

 

There are some books you can read that MIGHT apply to your situation. If you were dating a comittmentpobe (sounds like it after 4 years and he ends up leaving you for someone else) you should read "Men who can't love." Make sure it applys to your case, but he might be one of these men. If it does apply it will help you understand that you're making the right choice.

 

But I'm happy for how great your doing. And if it doesn't work out with this other guy let me take you out !

 

I would consider this a success story all the way!!!

[Belle]

Kitten,

 

I would take the situation as a total plus because it helps you gain a little closure (and vindication without ruining your karma) and helps you see what a true schmuck he is. I don't feel bad for him. He made his bed. There are mistakes, then there's leaving you for someone else. He couldn't possibly have really cared about you had he done that. What he cares about is that he misses you and needs you. He's not thinking about how bad you felt. He just wants to end his own pain. Do you really want to go back to a selfish bastard like that??? This guy that treats you like a princess sounds like a total winner. The old guy is a loser. Let him find some third girl he can be ambivalent about and hurt. He's a liar. There will never be consistency between his actions and his words and it will only drive you crazy. Let someone else feel crazy. Don't fall for it. What the new guy does for you is waht you should want if you love yourself enough. Not the hurt and the misery of a gutless pig with no integrity.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[Kittengirl]

WOW! Thanks for all your support guys, I don't think I would have emerged so strong if it hadn't been for this site and all the advice I have had since joining, it's so uplifting to know that there are always people to listen and many who understand just how this feels. Although the ex is still contacting me I feel I can one day (in the distant future) be his friend because I have moved onto something so much happier and healthier. Thanks again.