Is it my height?

[scpublius]

I've never had much luck with dating. I've generally chalked it up to the fact that I'm short (5'6) and not especially attractive (not ugly, but at the same time not Brad Pitt). However today I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine who is tall, good looking, has a personality very similar to mine, and, as it turns out is himself going through a considerable dry spell. Basically the fact that we're in the same boat has me reconsidering the possibility that I might just be approaching dating in the wrong way.

I'm hardly a shut in (outgoing, talkative, witty, very intelligent, etc). I hit it off very well with a lot of people in general, and I am by no means afraid of women, but I tend to get the feeling that they aren't sexually attracted to me. Of course this sort of thing could just be my imagination, and my approach may be such that it lends itself to me being shunted into the 'friend' column pretty quickly. I basically try to go out and have good conversations with interesting people, and see where things go from there... (Oh and for what it's worth I am a nice guy, but I'm also not a throw rug who eagerly discusses his emotions at the drop of a hat.) So far this has generated numerous interesting conversations, and plenty of friends, but very little chemistry. (I also don't rush into these sorts of things; I don't meet a girl on monday, and ask her out on tuesday, etc.) Bottom line is that I don't go out and gratuitiously hit on everything with a skirt.

So, to sum up, I'm basically wondering if I'm doing something obviously wrong (granted I haven't given you a hell of a lot to go off of), or if I simply had the bad luck to be born with a serious dating handicap. Any feedback or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

PS: Oh, and don't worry about sugar coating answers; I realize that I most posters (very naturally) don't want to offend/depress others, but I can always tweak my personality, and even with height I suspect that between cosmetic surgery and biotech I'll be able to add a couple of inches sooner or later. Thanks again.

[JonnyG]

I wouldn't worry about your height or personailty. The fact of the matter is that Women are strange mate.

 

Most seem to go for the bad boy, yet he always lets them down, they complain about this and question why, when the answer is blindly obvious. The nice guy is usually on the receiving end of lots sulking from this girl. Worst still they continue to go after the bay boys. They have confidence and thats what many women like in them, but they are just kidding themselves that things will work out well. From what girls have said here, it is often the older women who eventually realise this and go for the nicer guy.

 

However not all women are like this thank god. Mahlina who uses this site often is 1 of many girls who give us hope. She likes confidence but hates these arrogant bad boys which so many girls like. There are many others here that have the same attitude, so there are plenty of nice girls around who u should be able to meet.

 

I too wonder why things won't go right for myself when i considered myself pretty much the ideal for a girl. Im fairly good looking (well Mahlina and others have told me but they could be lying ), got a nice body from working out for many years, dress well, very hyginenic, fairly intelligent, kind and funny and i have a good financial background. Result- Can't say I've had the best luck with women. So im in the same boat as u and your friend.

 

This year strangely enough I have had lots of attention from girls. I haven't changed anything apart from try to tan a little on the sunbeds. I think my body language is just oozing more confidence though these days, as im getting looks from girls nearly everytime I go out. Were as in the past I was more shy (i still am, i guess i don't show it as much tho now)

 

thereforeeee from my experiences and from what girls here have told me I think confidence is one thing u need for the vast majority of girls, but be being confident don't let arrogance take over, although its tempting when u look at the success record of a lot of bad boys. U will hopefully b the winner at the end

[hahaha]

u sound like a nice guy, i dont think its the hiegt as there are plenty girls shorter than 5'6" but i have loads of guy m8 who sound just like u and they also have probs getting girl friends to be girlfriends. i think you need to find a girl who is looking for a guy who will be her bestfriend as well as her boyfriend. thats what my boyfriend is and its the strongest kind og relationship. good luck

[Rage]

i dont think its the hiegt as there are plenty girls shorter than 5'6"

 

Yer, and they all go for blokes above 6'0''

[klapowcius]

a local radio station conducted a poll here in houston, and i've asked several of my chick friends too, who they prefer and think would last in a long term romantic relationship: the a&f model, average joe, or joe fugly.

 

almost 90% answered average joe, the a&f model didn't even come close.

 

the women pointed out several things that made sense.

 

average joe has a balance in everything, they're not too goodlooking to feel cocky, but they're not too fugly other people talk amongst themselves when he leaves the room. they have a better developed personality than the hot handsome rico suave.

[xxatti]

a local radio station conducted a poll here in houston, and i've asked several of my chick friends too, who they prefer and think would last in a long term romantic relationship: the a&f model, average joe, or joe fugly.

 

almost 90% answered average joe, the a&f model didn't even come close.

 

the women pointed out several things that made sense.

 

average joe has a balance in everything, they're not too goodlooking to feel cocky, but they're not too fugly other people talk amongst themselves when he leaves the room. they have a better developed personality than the hot handsome rico suave.

 

You obviously have to learn that what a woman says, and what she does are two totally different things.

[xxatti]

thereforeeee from my experiences and from what girls here have told me I think confidence is one thing u need for the vast majority of girls, but be being confident don't let arrogance take over, although its tempting when u look at the success record of a lot of bad boys. U will hopefully b the winner at the end

 

You hit the head right on the nail here bro.

[scpublius]

First off, thanks to everyone who posted a reply. Your feedback is appreciated.

However (in specific response to what a number of people have suggested) I don't think that I particularly lack confidence. I have absolutely no trouble starting up conversations with women (I actually enjoy it immensely) and my personality can be downright forceful at times. (For example, I asked three girls for their e-mails/phone numbers today, and got all three...) I can't be certain that I come accross as confident, but I doubt that I come accross as the opposite either.

Still I wonder if I'm approaching women in such a way that it causeses them to rapidly chuck me into the 'friend' category.

Anyway, more for you folks to chew over.

[Roachknight]

Hey man - it's great you can get the girl's number at the beginning; says to me you've at least got the balls to ask... sounds like the key now is getting from number to relationship? Well, I dated a sorority girl for about 14 months and spent tons of time around her "sisters," so I've seen the things they do behind our backs.

Here are some of my thoughts on this:

First off... don't try to rush things - if she's not obviously, passionately, into you from the get-go, pushing things won't help; one thing I've learned, it's girls can take awhile to warm up, if they're not certain at the beginning; your job is to convince them they want to be with you - you have to give them plenty of time to run back home.. talk to all their girlfriends about you.. many times - dating for them's like a group-activity: if you don't impress her friends AND her, you're sunk. That being said... you certainly have to make it seem clear that you're interested in them sexually as well (this is subtle... most likely, best learned from experience )

Two - that kiss... gotta' be in there at some point, hopefully not too late - the thing that gets a lot of "bad boys" as far as they get... they're too stupid to think twice about a lot of stuff... makes going for that kiss a lot less nerve-wrecking. You want a girl to start truly thinking about you as more than a friend... give her a kiss - doesn't have to be all nasty and gropping... but there's something a kiss will do to really define that possible relationship. Give the girl what she thinks is a great kiss.. and she'll be thinking about it for a lot longer than the info you threw her about how you saved 40 puppies from a burning building.

Lastly - ROMANCE... what girl doesn't want to be romanced? If you have an opportunity to do something that makes her feel special, and like you really care... do it. If you can pull off some move that makes her laugh, makes her happy, and makes her think of you romantically... you're most likely golden. You can get away with being "adorable" (sometimes a "just friends" thing) if you tie in something slightly mischievious or sexual... remember, while it's fantastic to be the girl's best friend as well as her romantic partner.. the basic reason it's a guy and a girl (unless you happen to be into different pairings)? Sex. Just don't throw that in the girl's face... tease it up a little bit. Example: try it jokingly, if you're uncomfotable; a girl invites you up to her place for a party and says you can stay over - obviously assuming you're on the futon in the basement - surprise her, and with a (hopefully charming, and not dirty) grin say something like "oh, I didn't realize you had enough room for two in your bed"... laugh it off. Like any good joke... timing is KEY - if you pull out the wrong thing at the wrong time... big trouble

 

Just relax - if you're getting three girl's numbers a day... you've got plenty of room to test the waters and get comfortable before trying to swim for the deep-end.

 

-Dillon

 

PS... those water-wing things.. might want to leave them at home the first few goes... but if you're comfortable enough and have had experience you can look like an idiot and still get girls.

[wlfpack81]

Let's be realistic. Most girl don't like to date short guys, even the short girls. Most girls don't like to date skinny guys (my problem) as well. They want someone who can protect them and some want a guy who can throw em up against a wall if you know what I mean. Sorry to be harsh but again I'm the voice of reality here. In some cases short guys may luck out (excluding those with $$$ since money is the great equalizer) but not often.

[jestersupriem]

All women are emotion driven. One main emotion is a sense of security. If they feel a man cant provide that in any form than you dont have a chance. Unless you are tall dark and handsome then it doesn't matter.