Finding it really tough to have to see him....

[headwreck]

So I’ve been off this for a while, we’ve split 5 months, which is pretty much longer than the relationship. So I’m feeling pathetic and cross with myself.

 

I CANNOT go no contact, without looking pathetic and having other people we work with think I’m very silly.

 

In the last few weeks I had a turning point and have started to get very cross with him. Retrospectively I feel he really used me for his own amusement, made out his feelings were stronger and really in his words “messed me round”. In the first few weeks after breakup I felt he still liked me but recently didn’t feel there was anything between us. I had stopped making any unnecessary contact and then....

 

I had to go to a show he was doing yesterday. I just saw the back of his head and feelings of love came back. I tried to ignore them and in the pub after was trying not to shower attention. It was weird though because everyone who went thought one of the singers he had chosen was awful but no one told him, except me. It was weird because I told him the truth, as I always would, but couldn’t give him a kiss or hug after so ended feeling just a bit mean.

 

Anyway, was definitely feeling like there was no extra attention from him.... My friends went onto another pub and me, him and another guy stayed chatting. Then I said I’m off to meet my friends and quietly said “despite 'the problem', the show is really good” and the next thing I remember in my inebriated state was his hand cupping my face and him saying thanks or something...... Then I left and went to next pub and he went home.

 

This is just all wrecking my head. I just can’t let him go. I mean in many ways I’ve moved on but the reason we broke doesn’t make sense. Or rather it does, we got together way too soon after he split from LTR. He freaked at the idea of another relationship. But I know last time he split with LTR he went out with a girl for a few months, then 6 months later got back and they went out for a few years. I know this means nothing but I can’t get it out of my head.

 

I wish I could just shut out my emotions like he can. I really feel like I've been friendzoned and become "don't go there" territory - no matter how great we get along. I wish I could not love him and still see him.

 

Thanks for reading my venting! Just needed to write it

[RunCheetahRun]

So this isn't a terribly insightful response, but thank you for posting what you did. I feel exactly the same way you do, but I could never really put it into words. I also struggled with how to act around someone when you work for the same company, in the same office...and still do months later. At least I know I'm not alone.

[headwreck]

So this isn't a terribly insightful response, but thank you for posting what you did. I feel exactly the same way you do, but I could never really put it into words. I also struggled with how to act around someone when you work for the same company, in the same office...and still do months later. At least I know I'm not alone.

 

Thanks! I'm just not the type of person who can "be friends" with an ex........(.not when there is no logical reason for breaking up)..........I really wish i was but I'm not.

 

Hope you're not finding it too tough.

[headwreck]

GRRR to working with him. He hasn't replied to my email even though I know he's been online/ I'm obviously low priority, which makes me feel great