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First timer - trouble keeping it up.


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Hello everyone,


I'm 25 and just had intercourse for the first time last week. We've been together 5 months, we were both virgins.


The first time... we couldn't even get it hard enough. I chalked it up to anxiety and told her we'd try again later. Tried again a few hours later and I got hard enough for penetration, but I still felt a bit on the soft side - and I couldn't finish. Went at it for maybe half an hour before she told me to stop because she couldn't take it anymore.


After that (it's only been 2-3 times) it's been the same story, and I was only hard enough to penetrate one other time. Generally when the little guy comes out, I lose any erection that was there or I just can't get it satisfactorily hard. If I CAN get it hard, it starts to go away as soon as I reach for the condom, and if I'm still hard enough after that, I can barely sustain the softer erection and once the condom almost slipped off at one point - and I'm slightly above average in size. I'm glad I caught it before I was fully exposed, but that certainly doesn't help any anxiety I'm feeling. I WISH I could just do it without a condom since I can't feel anything at all in a normal condom and hardly anything in one of the thinner ones, but we want to double up on protection to minimize the chances of a kid (she got on the pill recently, as well).


Erections have been a bit of a problem ever since we started fooling around, actually. Even when I'm just lying there and she's doing all the work, and nothing is expected of me, and I'm so turned on, and it feels so good - the damn thing still has trouble getting hard. If the roles are reversed and I'm manually/orally stimulating her, I'm limp as a noodle - even though I'm actually really into it.


HOWEVER, if I just start randomly making out with her while we're out and about in the afternoon? Instant hardon. And I mean ROCK hard. If we start getting close and kissy in the early evening? Same thing. I can get hard when there is zero direct stimulation AND we're both still fully clothed. This seems to happen less and less often later in the day - so I've already suggested that we try doing something in the afternoon or early evening, but she's... well... resistant, for some reason. Still trying to figure out why.


Anyway, sorry if I'm being a bit graphic here, but I know you need information to help me out. If this problem persists for several weeks, I WILL go see a doctor about it, even if it's just to figure out a solution to any psychological issues I'm having with it. Basically, have any of you gone through this, and was there anything specific you did that helped out in this department? Maybe something that can help us relax? Anything I can do? Anything she can do to help? We seem so perfect in every other aspect of life but things are a bit off in the bedroom so far (not that I was expecting perfection or anything) - and I'd rather get this figured out sooner rather than later.

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When I was reading the beginning was thinking that maybe you might have a circulation or heart problem, but since you say that you can get it HARD at other times I doubt that is the problem... It has to be psychological. At least I think so...

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I doubt there is anything wrong with you. Sex is psychological. My and ex I successfully had sex after a few attempts (she was my first). You just have to see what works and what doesn't work, and what it takes to relax.


Things that might be helpful:


-Change up what you do and in the order you do things in during foreplay. If it's a matter of timing, spend less or more time on it. Rub and finger her to get her wet while kissing, and if you are not hard in the process, let her use her hand on you. When you get hard and she is plenty wet, go for it. Don't waste any unneeded time on foreplay if you are both ready. Foreplay is like preheating the oven.


-Ask her to put the condom on for you, at least for a while. Maybe the step of you putting the condom on is making you more tense than you should.


-I know it's easier said than done, but just be in the moment. Think extremely sexual thoughts about her.

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It's the nerves my friend. Now you are worried about it.


A suggestion would be maybe a * * * * ring to keep the blood flowing and helping you keeping it up.


Maybe suggest lying on your back and when you get hard slide the condom on. Do a little playing with it to keep it up until you reach penetration.

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Bartok, sounds like performance anxiety. All it takes is one or two "successes" and your confidence will increase and over-thinking the situation will decrease. It might take a few more times to get there, and it's easier said than done, but it will.


One side question to think about is how often you masturbate (if at all). If you do it at least several times per week, you'll want to reduce it or stop doing so for a while to build up the sexual energy and let your penis get accustomed to the new "feel" of a woman, which is typically not as tight and rapid as self-pleasure.

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Viagra is your friend. you could have blockage in arteries in your johnson

Drugs like viagra/cialis/etc. are an absolute last resort. Too expensive for me at this time and I've heard too much about... unpleasant side effects.


And thanks to everyone so far for the advice/support... I guess I just eventually have to get over it. A completely different medical issue just came up yesterday, I'm going to see a doctor about that soon and might as well ask about this while I'm there.

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