Need some help

[Gameboy75]

Im not really sure where to start because just about everything that's wrong with my life i could go on for hours about.

 

I'll start by saying that im a homeschooled 17 year old with a troubled past (im going to be 18 next week) . I was naturally shy most of the time growing up and i never really got over it although i was often really social among my friends kind of like i am today. When i was 11 we had a house built in the country and moved there in which i was the only one who didn't want to move, thank god were only 25 minutes away from our old house so we still do things with all of our old friends and everything. So i have been dealing with depression for the past 6 and a half years and had later developed ADD, so now i've become addicted to video games and using electronic devices to cure my boredom so i am unable to be productive in school and im so behind everyone else my age it's ridiculous. And i've just been thinking "What's the point" because i've realized that even when you go to college for 4 years and everything, in the end you wont even be able to get a good job anyway.

 

And what's worse is i dont even have a drivers license in fact i haven't even started yet because i realized how hard driving is after having a bit of practice, and i don't know how i would ever be able to relax while driving cause it would just be so easy to crash and i wouldn't be able to answer the questions in the writing test because im so self-conscious about the answers i give to questions and im always trying to give completely honest answers because im not a liar.

 

And in addition to all of this my siblings are just completely rude and do nothing but cut other people down, especially my 12 year old brother who still acts like a 6 year old control freak and has been completely destroying my life and is so disobedient to my parents and never ever does what he's told, but then around his friends he's all cool and he's just like everybody else ( OOHHH!! if only they knew the truth And whenever someone tells me to do something or tries to control me i just give in because if i try to defend myself it just starts this huge fight that goes on for like 3 hours and just makes everything worse instead of better

 

And i want a girlfriend (And i actually know quite a few cute girls) but i wouldn't be able to make a relationship last because i have so many mental issues right now and i have no plans for my future or anything, and no one would want me because im ugly not to mention that i look too short in height to be the age that i am and i always have looked that way and people have told me so because no one ever thinks of how that makes people like me feel I can never really talk to anyone because i don't really have anything to talk about that would interest them, and i hate it when someone asks me questions about what things i do or where im going to go to college because i don't really do anything with my life and i dont even plan on going to college so i always have to reply "I don't know" and it just hurts so bad.

 

But of course i do have a few interests like listening to music, i wanted to play the guitar after playing guitar hero and finding out how fun of an instrument it must be to play, but my mom wanted me to play an instrument in a group which sucked. So now i have been playing the violin for almost 2 years but i still suck at it. I think im getting more into singing now than guitar but i could never be a singer because i suck at singing. But anyway i also like making home-made movies along with one of my friends who likes to do it also, but i wouldn't want to make a career out of it because it would be so much work and so tedious and i wouldn't want to do it for the rest of my life. So right now i basically just spend all my time on the computer and in my room staying away from all the cruel people in the world and not getting to do things with friends often enough, and all i can do is just hope i'll become a famous rock star and have an awesome life but i know that will never happen.

 

Sorry that this is so freakin long, i just wanted to get these things out before my parents possibly kick me out of the house when im 18.

[Cuppedia]

Hello. Well there are many different things going on in your life so I think you should try to narrow them down to a point where everything is easier to manage.

 

You basically have two main options: Go with the flow or go wherever you want to go.

 

You sound a bit like one of my uncles when he was teenager. His life wasn't easy and he had a lot of reasons to be depressed, to feel hopeless and to do things just to kill time (he was born with a disability, is partially deaf and can't walk properly either), he's going to be... 36 soon and guess what?, his life remains the same. He did go to university but overlooked everything he was good at, made excuses and only changed things when he had no other option, he regrets not fighting for the things he wanted but he still gives other people a million reasons why he can't do something with his life. He fears failing at what he loves, so he prefers to focus on things that are irrelevant to him.

 

Now you know what one option will give you, let's look at the other one.

 

You want to be a famous rock star. Consider it an investment; let's not pay attention to the voice, the talent and the time you have been playing violin, Are you willing to pay the price of being a rock star?

 

A writer I like (Jodorowsky) said that everything depends on how much you're willing to pay for it (or something like that don't know if I translated it correctly), you have to know how much is too much for you so you can avoid making your life miserable or trying to make yourself believe you really didn't want something that much to begin with.

Look at some of the people who are famous now, most are not the best looking, you can also find far more talented musicians on Youtube, and some are way from intelligent. How did they get there then?, this is not a matter of luck either, think about it.

 

And be honest with this, Do you want to get better at violin?, Do you want to be taller?, Do you want a girlfriend?, Do you want to improve your grades?, Become more social?

There are no limits here, you might not get what you want but you can definitely work for it.

 

Just take one small step at a time, let's say you want to get an A+ in mathematics, you make a plan: 1 or 2 hours a day you're going to study, do some exercises, and ask somebody for help. Not a single day you're going to change this routine, you're going to stick to it for at least 6 months and you won't give up even if you were to get only D's during this time.

You won't be planning to get an A next week or to be at the top of the class tomorrow, you're going to aim at something reasonable that can be achieved from where you are now.

 

If you don't give up you're eventually going to find problems too, but if you are sure of the path you have chosen you will succeed, maybe not in the way you initially planned but possibly at something even better.