Just entered my first relationship; having doubts

[LonelyMoondancer]

This guy I've been flirting with for over a month and I made it official yesterday. It's my first time... and my head is swimming with doubts. I don't know if they're just normal worries or something else, but I feel like I don't know what I'm getting myself into, and that I don't know if I want this. I liked him a lot, but now I'm not sure if I'm attracted to him that way. I feel like I already love him like a friend. Plus I like a guy who can take charge a little and I like being taken care of, and while this guy's sweet, he's not like that. Plus... I don't find myself sexually attracted to him. I think he's adorable, but that's it.

We went to a kegger yesterday and got drunk, and he took care of me and asked me if I'd be okay with him spending the night. I said yes- not sure if I would have agreed to that had I been sober. Anyway we fooled around and stuff in my room before sleeping. It was too soon I think. I just woke up this morning and instead of being excited about being in a relationship for the first time, I'm regretting it. I know he really likes me though. I like him too, a lot, but I don't know if I like him the same way anymore. I'm just not sure.

Should I stick it out and see where things go, or is that leading him on? I can't help thinking this is doomed for some reason, it's a feeling I can't even explain. Just a feeling that this won't last. I might feel better if we could agree that this won't be serious, but we've already fooled around, so I feel like it'd be weird to change my mind.

Also I really don't like making out all that much. I like other stuff, and I like quick kisses, but I don't like making out. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never been good at dating and I think I've always had a little fear of relationships. I think I'm thinking he's a sweet guy but I'm settling? I feel like he's not exactly what I want, and I feel terrible saying that but it's true.

[Blue Streak]

We are not perfectionists.

 

Option A: You can simply be honest with him. Tell him how you truly feel.

 

Option B: You can abhor, fear, avoid, stress, question, loathe, hate, and beyond.

[wayoverit]

The key word here is "complement". Does he complement your character? Would he be someone you would consider "completes you"? If you don't feel you found your "other half" then he's not the one.

[icarus27]

OP, as soon as I read your age is 20, I nearly put my head in my hands, feeling sorry for the guy who now has a great mess on his hands although he seems to have done nothing wrong.

 

It's telling that you flirted with him, you wanted him, you liked him - and the moment you actually have him, you've lost interest. This sounds to me like a classic case of "thrill of the chase" that young (and older) people get. When the chase is not there, the excuses start coming out "I'm not feeling it" / "I don't like making out with him now" / "This relationship stuff is too messy".

 

By all means break up with him if you have to. You do not sound like you have got it straight in your mind yet - what the value of a long-term relationship with another adult actually means. But if there is one thing I'd ask, it is that you explain to him that the issues are in your head, not something he did or didn't do, or anything he was or wasn't.

[I_Speak_Jive]

I like being taken care of

 

At 20 years old, that's not cool. If you don't feel like taking care of yourself you need to stay single until you learn how to. Daddy is a long way gone.

[LightbulbSun]

I feel sorry for the guy involved in this. It's obvious you're not emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship.

 

You need to tell him that, and make it clear that it's not his fault. And then get your head straight before attempting dating again.

 

Love comes from two souls compromising and balancing each other, not a selfish thing that you're looking for.

[MikNomis]

By what you describe, you don't like him that much. You will not last very long with him, because it sounds like he is more like a lovable brother to you than anything else.

[LonelyMoondancer]

At 20 years old, that's not cool. If you don't feel like taking care of yourself you need to stay single until you learn how to. Daddy is a long way gone.

 

I don't mean literally being taken care of as in babied and dominated. But so far it feels like I do more pampering, I don't really like that. I don't want to take charge.

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think I was so emotionally immature that I can't handle a relationship, I thought I was just confused about how I feel about him. I do care about him a lot, but a serious relationship seems daunting to me. I thought I'd be cool with it if the opportunity and right person came about but it's hitting me that I'm just so busy with school and I'm working on time management and trying not to stress. Is it immature to not want anything too serious? I just don't want to move too fast, I'm really wary. I've had some not so great experiences with guys my age, as have my friends, I can't help it.