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Please give me hope


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Saturday night...alone...again. I've called everyone I know...no answer...

The silence is deafening...35 days NC...I want to be positive...It's so hard...

the weather turned cold again...the wind is kicking up...On some level I think I can win her back if I get my s*** together...I know the only way this will happen is if I can detach some more...I know I have to win myself back..and be whole...and stop thinking that she's the one to fill the hole..

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13 months ago I thought the same thing.... she was the only one to fill the hole. Rubbish! Tonight I'm sitting in by myself on a Saturday night also, single and little bored but not thinking of my ex. I'm happy again. She's not the one. Someone else is, and I can't wait to meet her.

 

If you're going through hell, keep going.

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If you're going through hell, keep going.

I like this!

 

Right now, don't try to be positive. If you're feeling sad, grieving or whatever, let it invade you like an army - really let those feelings go. It'll speed up the grieving process in the longer term (until you've released the emotions around a particular event, you can't move on from it) and, hopefully, will leave you feeling a bit lighter. It sucks, but we've all been there, been through it and moved on, just as you will in time. This is just a phase, and it will pass. You already know that!

 

I'm glad you felt able to post about it on here!

 

(((HUGS)))

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It just doesn't seem to be getting better..I feel like roadkill..and I have all these thoughts like..does she miss me? How long does it take for her to miss me? Did she ever love me? Five years..she is such a part of me..I don't feel like I'm much good to anyone...I can put on a sort of mask to go to work and leave my apartment...but I have been crying for 2 days now...4 months out and all I can think about is being in her arms again...laughing and having dinner together...sitting on her back porch swing...talking about our hopes and dreams and frustrations...

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I feel like roadkill..and I have all these thoughts like..does she miss me? How long does it take for her to miss me? Did she ever love me? Five years..she is such a part of me..I don't feel like I'm much good to anyone.. Any thoughts anyone...????

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I feel like roadkill..and I have all these thoughts like..does she miss me? How long does it take for her to miss me? Did she ever love me? Five years..she is such a part of me..I don't feel like I'm much good to anyone.. Any thoughts anyone...????

 

I am sure that she did love you. However people change their feelings over time and there is nothing we can do about it.

 

Try to stop torturing yourself wondering if she is missing you or not. If she was the one who broke up with you, she already had emotionally detached well before you even knew about it so she is more advanced in her healing than you are. She might miss the companionship but she is probably moving on and not thinking too much about you. She needs to focus on her own recovery and now you must focus on yours.

 

I know it's hard. I am still really sad and miss him a lot. He did some crappy things but the good parts of him still remain the good parts and that is what I miss. But he is moving on and not looking back and I know that I must do the same.

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Bung - Haven't been on here in some time, but thought I'd just say hello and hang in there. I'm now complete NC since December... I started dating again and have met someone real decent, but still early. I still think about my ex daily, but have realized a lot. It is getting easier, but I still have my moments.

 

I think you're doing the right thing by staying away from her. You need to take yourself back now. Take care of yourself.

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Thanks all. I really don't know if I will ever let go of her...I am so OCD and codependent (getting therapy and going to 12 step meetings) but I appreciate the support....

 

Thing is bungalo, you are only 4months out and just over a month of NC. Man that is early. At 4months I felt pretty much the same way you feel now. The 'what ifs' were overpowering. It took at lot to keep on keeping on. But I did and it does get better. You will let her go in time. Be strong.

 

 

 

Hey Dave! *waves* Good to see you.

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Bung - Haven't been on here in some time, but thought I'd just say hello and hang in there. I'm now complete NC since December... I started dating again and have met someone real decent, but still early. I still think about my ex daily, but have realized a lot. It is getting easier, but I still have my moments.

 

I think you're doing the right thing by staying away from her. You need to take yourself back now. Take care of yourself.

 

Wow - I was wondering what happened to you - its been a while since Ive seen you post

Glad you are back in the dating game....even if it is still too early for the one you have met.

 

Bung, if I let you in on a secret, promise to work on healing?

 

Your ex misses you. She isnt telling you this, but as she is living her life, she notices you missing. She may or may not be doing the same thing as you tonight, but you are in her thoughts. If she has met someone else, I guarantee after 5 years that she is stacking him up to you as you would if you were with someone now.

 

So try not to feel sorry for yourself and try not to get better for her. Thats the codependency speaking. Whenever you wonder whether or not she is thinking of you, tell yourself "Of course she is! How could she forget someone like me!"

 

Work on healing yourself so that if your paths meet again, or you meet someone new, you will be ready for a successful independent relationship

 

Hugs on this saturday night

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Aww B! I wish I could make this better for you! I'm so sorry. Listen to Dave. Remember what a hot news he was? Sorry Dave but ya were a mess, we all were...I still am just not as bad.

 

Dave man you are an inspiration! Please keep us posted. weird how you can care so much for people you've never met.

 

Bungalo. Keep up with the meetings id they help.

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I don't want to let her go. I want her back, and I will get her back

 

I think this is something you need to give up if you are to move forward. It might seem all romantic, noble and what not to cling to "love", but you are really clinging to the inability to heal fully.

 

Let me rephrase your sentence:

 

"I don't want to heal/be happy on my own.

I assume I need her to be happy, and I'm assuming I can force that to happen."

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Thanks Rob and Annie. Rob, haven't you had fairly recent contact with your ex? My memory is foggy. What's the longest you've stayed out of contact? How long till you felt semi-human again?

 

In 13 months I've seen my ex once, spoken to her on the phone twice and had about a dozen emails between us. After speaking everyday for 5 years that is horrendously hard to do.

 

- The first 4 months (Feb - May) I was convinced she was coming back, then she told she was never coming back so I let go a little, even though it hurt like absolute hell.

 

- The next 4 months (June - September) were all about staying alive and grieving it out, crying every single day, getting through our wedding day, but still I hadn't let go enough, until I found out she was with someone else.

 

- The following 4 months (October - January) were a lot easier, or least painful, because I started dating again, and generally started feeling more like my old self. Then I saw her for the first time since our break up. It hurt like hell but after one last conversation with her, I let her go for good.

 

These days I don't think about her as much. Instead of thinking back on the good ol' days I'm putting my efforts in to finding the next Mrs. Rob! Someone else to fall in love with. I find it a lot more constructive and forward thinking than sitting wallowing in the past.

 

Dude, I was where you are. Not only could I NOT let go, but I didn't WANT to let go. But over time you DO let go, and you begin wondering what all the fuss was about. It sounds crazy but you do. These are exciting times for me right now, because I genuinely cannot wait to fall in love all over again. Not many people get that chance and I'm going to grasp it with both hands. Yes I still miss my ex, and I think about her a little too much for my liking, but I realise that some times things don't work out the way we want them to. I am a better person for what has happened, I've realised that I made mistakes, but my ex did too. We did what we thought was right at the time, with the tools we had and we tried to make the best of it. But it didn't work unfortunately. Letting go with forgiveness and an open heart is a wonderfully liberating feeling. You can do it too.

 

Bung, be patient with yourself, allow yourself this time to grieve, but more so, congratulate yourself on being human.

 

As I said if you're going through hell, keep going.

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