6 months out

[jettison]

I don't start a lot of personal threads these days, but here's an anniversary. I'm 6 months out from the day she got up out of bed and walked out of my apartment in the middle of the night. I have not heard her voice for this entire time. Our communication over this half of a year is quite easy to catalog and is as follows:

 

- Text from me 3 months on that said, "Wouldn't mind if you said 'hi'."

- Reply text from her that said she had been thinking about me and hoped we would talk soon.

- Christmas card from me that said "Merry Christmas" and that's it.

- Text from her on Christmas day that wished the same.

- Text from me to ask if she wanted to talk.

- Reply from her that said "what about?"

- Followup phone call from me ignored.

 

That's it in 6 months. She has added me to some group emails since then, and nothing more. I have never responded. I have to say that I have never had an ex cut me off before, ever. I am still on good terms with my significant ex's from the past. This is all new to me. I can't say definitively whether it's hurt me or helped me to get over her. On the one hand, there are no extra, lagging roadblocks. On the other hand, it feels like a death because it's so seemingly final and permanent.

 

I have been through all the relative emotions that you all read so much about on these forums. And at about 5 months, I did feel like I was close to losing my mind completely. I didn't even want to leave my apartment for a few weekends there. Since, that tide has turned some, and I'm really enjoying my friends again, and I find that I'm also finding women attractive again, and I'm feeling like myself. More confident at work, more outgoing with my friends, flirting again, and just more confident all the way around. I'm just not having those awful, depressive feelings that I was having before, and it feels like the sun is shining way more often then not.

 

Today, I do not want to hear from her. The best way to put it is that I'd like to hear from her someday, but just not today, or next week, or even next month. I want to hear from her a year from now perhaps. And really, I want to hear from her again when I'm so far over it all that I'm in love with someone else. That's when I'll welcome her voice again. The irony is not lost on me that my relationship before her was with a woman who adored me and wanted more then I could promise her. I dumped her, and although I gave her an exit meeting for the sake of her closure, and let her cry on my shoulder, I never again contacted her, and also ignored her when she tried to contact me.

 

All of this in life and love, two sides of the same coin, and eventually, most of us become adept at playing both roles. I truly love my most recent ex. I want her to be happy, but I won't tell her that either. It will come off as disingenuous. Sometimes you just know that there's nothing else to say and nothing else to be done. And eventually, you also understand that the world is vast and beautiful, and so filled with so many interesting, lovely, dynamic people, and they're all waiting for someone like you to show them your love energy and your authenticness, and it's a strikingly beautiful dynamic. We are all so lucky in that way.

[Hobbes]

Pretty much the same experience as me in last 7 months, also have never been cut off like this either. Feeling happier now.

 

Agree with what you say about not wanting to hear from her now. It's not going to happen and I'd rather it didn't at the moment. What pisses me off (not angry about it) is that the one girl that meant everything to me apart from my ex and I met up abroad just as I started getting together with my ex and I blew her off a bit after spending 3 days with her and getting to the moment. Couldn't go through with it, I just can't cheat, not possible. So there is definite 'what if' there. But that's what life is.

 

Nice post jet, loved the last paragraph.

[quirky]

I understand a lot of what you say. I'd never heard of NC before coming to this board, as you said it feels almost like death. I mean this person knows how you smell, things you like and then..nothing. I'm the worst dumper in the world because I would always pick up if the dumpee wanted to talk, then again they knew as well the relationship had to end, I was just a tad braver to stick the knife in, it's not that I didn't love them.

 

Glad to see you feel better now. The healing path that you describe makes me think. We must all really yearn for love to be willing to risk feeling awful for at least 6 months if the relationship ends. I don't know, somehow I see this as beautiful.

[Blackey]

Jettison my friend, im glad that you are doing better.

6 months is a long way when it comes to break up and you made it.

Many of us are still walking on your footsteps trying to reach the 6 months point and the relief that comes with it. I have read many of your comments and you are helping so many people who are still in their initial stage, so firstly i want u to know that your help ment a lot to the many people you helped.

I can definitely feel your pain and discomfort over losing a special person, but you know yourself that if she did it to you now, she could do it to you in many years when you will be married and have children and it the whole process would be 100 times harder.

There is not too much i can advice you since i know from your post that you are pretty wise as to when it comes to break up and you know absolutely everything you can possibly know in the logical aspect, the problem with all of us is the emotional aspect that keeps on ignoring logic completely.

As sad as it is, you know that it is better now, while you are still free and have time to find someone else, rather than in 10 years from now.

Sometimes, from time to time, the feelings might still overwhelm you, do not forget that most of it is in your head, and you can stop the destructive thoughts using positive patterns of thinking, and besides with each month you are getting stronger and stronger.

Keep your chin up, remember that you have good friends and that sooner or later you will get over your ex and find someone else who will be even better.

I wish you all best man.

[bungalo]

I truly love my most recent ex. I want her to be happy, but I won't tell her that either. It will come off as disingenuous. Sometimes you just know that there's nothing else to say and nothing else to be done.

 

How sad, that you wouldn't tell her this. The way I look at it, expressing your true feelings is what we're here for...even if it means taking an ego hit...I poured my heart out to my ex...told her I loved her more than anyone I've ever loved..and it's the God's truth...but it's THE TRUTH. Connecting honestly with each other is the most beautiful and human thing we can do. If we get hurt (duh) so be it..but at least we were honest.

[rapunzel]

Wow, it has been 6 months? I'm sure to you it seems like an eternity but to me it seems like yesterday.

 

Her behavior (or lack thereof) in the last 6 months must be tough to deal with but in a way, you are blessed in that you aren't having to deal with any of the confusing post break-up machinations that so many of us have to endure. Her actions seem pretty crystal clear, coldly crystal clear in fact. You don't have to wonder "what did she mean by that" or "she called me, why?" or "maybe she wants me back as she sent me a Christmas card!" You don't have to deal with any of that and as unsettling as it is, it makes your life inherently easier.

 

Just remember her bad points....I can recall a few. Your post makes me think you haven't knocked her off that pedestal yet. I completely understand, my ex is still on that freakin' pedestal and I have to see him every week.

 

Your optimism is infectious. I have re-read your last paragraph a few times to try to have some of it rub off on me. Not working yet but hope springs eternal. Thanks for that!

[jimmajam]

It's about time we hear your story, Jettison. I always appreciate your view on things because you've been able to keep it realistic and in focus. I had no idea our stories were fairly similar. I have never had an ex cut me off like this one has either. It definitely makes things harder both to heal and bounce back on a personal level. It's pretty hard to fathom what you did that someone you were so close to can cut you out so cleanly. It sucks.

 

I'm 7 months and I would like to hear from her. Not that I need it, I am doing pretty well considering how hard I took it, but it'd be nice to know that she still cares on some level. Just a hello or how are you would be nice. Don't you at least want to hear from her in that sense?

[justbrowsing]

That cut off feeling is a form of abandonment. Nobody deserves this. So the manner in which I was dumped just awakened/reinforced issues I had since childhood. It's difficult to get over. I have the same thoughts of wanting to hear from him- but not now. I really don't know when. There's too much nonsense that was spoken and not enough of the important left unsaid. I wouldn't know how to act or even what to say. Someday I'd like to see and speak to him. Hopefully when that happens, I will have the strength to look him in the face without feeling the hurt or resentment.

 

For now, the main focus is healing. (NOT getting back with them)

 

Good luck to us all!

[Mustachio]

Jettison, thanks for the post. Very well written and definitely has given me some things to think about.

 

I am just about at the same point you are. Almost 7 months here, some contact here or there, but its been about 2 months now (maybe? i dunno, lost track a long time ago).

 

I wish I had the experience behind me that you seem to have. This was my first relationship and I am struggling to understand how I am going to pick up the pieces and ever find someone else to let in my life again, let alone open myself up to allow someone in.

 

I hit a down period also right at about 5 months, coincidence? I dunno, but with the weather turning, things are definitely starting to look up a bit.

 

Thanks again!

[squirl]

I truly love my most recent ex. I want her to be happy, but I won't tell her that either. It will come off as disingenuous. Sometimes you just know that there's nothing else to say and nothing else to be done.

 

How sad, that you wouldn't tell her this. The way I look at it, expressing your true feelings is what we're here for...even if it means taking an ego hit...I poured my heart out to my ex...told her I loved her more than anyone I've ever loved..and it's the God's truth...but it's THE TRUTH. Connecting honestly with each other is the most beautiful and human thing we can do. If we get hurt (duh) so be it..but at least we were honest.

 

I agree. Jettison, your own signature has inspired me to be honest.

 

You'd be surprised how great it feels to tell someone you love them, if you do. Not for them, but for yourself.