justbrowsing

I've been doing pretty good overall. But on days like today: I miss you so much it hurts. I miss what we had and really thought it was something special. At least it was to me. Do you ever think of me? Do you miss me? Or was it just a dream? Did I make it all up in my head? The silence kills me. You didn't have to answer me that time. You didn't have to pretend that you wanted to catch up. You shouldn't have asked for the days I worked. I should have known better that you would do that to me---again. I jumped every time the phone rang. Then I cried when I finally realized it wouldn't. I wonder sometimes if you chuckle at the thought of how you were able to ditch me time and time again. I wonder if you'll ever realize how much disappearing on me really impacts me. No. You don't. So I won't hold it against you.

I wanted to wish you Happy Birthday yesterday but I didn't. I didn't forget. But I figured if you wanted to hear from me, you would've contacted me by now. I'm sure you got so many greetings that getting one from me wouldn't make a difference anyway. I told you before: I will forever miss you. That's the truth. But I am following your lead and focusing on myself. I hope to be at where you are right now- living for the future and not the past.

I don't know why I broke NC. Deep down I know you don't want me anymore. I truly don't think I've done anything wrong. If anything, in the end I spoke to you from my heart and from a hurt standpoint. Can you blame me? Maybe that's what scared you- the truth. I know how the score is now. Please don't forget our good times together because they far outweigh the bad ones. If I had one wish it would be for us to just be able to speak again like before. Like friends who trust each other.

I miss you. Do you miss me? Do you even remember me/us? Please ease my pain and tell me it wasn't all a lie.

Merry Christmas my friend. Hope you have a good New Year. Maybe one day our paths will cross again. Hopefully by then all the bad vibes will have faded away.

Hey there, I miss you, more than you can imagine. But I care about you too much to stand in the way of your happiness. I guess that's the martyr in me. It kills me not to have you in my life, my friend. I kept too many things to myself in our last convo. I thought I was prepared for it. But in the end, I was too numb to say anything, but nod to whatever you said. I was scared I'd start crying if I said too much. I didn't want you to see me weak. You know, I could barely walk when I left you that day. I would've put up more of a fight for our relationship instead of giving up so easily if I knew you wanted me to. But I'll never know. I won't break NC b/c I don't want to find out officially if you've cancelled that account-the one that was only for me. You initially pursued me, and I won't beg for you to stay. I'll never forget you and will always treasure my time with you. I hope you do the same. If only circumstances were different and you were more honest with me. I wonder how things would've been...

just finished Memory Keeper's Daughter.