OK, doing no contact, but what do i do if she contacts me?

[MJL]

Hi all,

I've posted once before, but no one replied.

Anyways, here's the link that gives all the background, please note it was written a while ago. link removed

So ill update you a bit. We havent been out on a date at all, she has been "busy" . Juts had some general light chats online and at college. She seems busy most the time though. On saturday i gave her a lift to a party. she ignored me most of the night, but on the way back when i dropped her off she hugged me, held me tight. she asked me if i was ok and i said i find it hard. She said she missed me. We looked at each other, and i wanted to kiss her, but didn't, i think it would of caused further problems, allthough don't know what she would of done. Well anyways, had a little bit of argument today, we were talking online and she left unannounced. She was doing something with her mum, but i overreacted. So i don't think she wants to speak to me now. I'm going to give her a letter, outlining how i feel. I'll do this end of june, when our exams finish. I don't know what i want to achieve from this post, but some support/advice would be warmly received. It's been a hard day today, feeling drained and lonely. i hope happier days are ahead.

thanks again, Matt xx

[nenez]

Dear Matt

It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate. Fistly Im sorry to hear about your Grandpa. Its hard to deal with these things at the best of times but when you are feeling low they hit harder.

Secondly, your relationship. Youe ex is using you as a safety net because she knows you love her. She is too busy when you need her and she cuts you off when she has things to do. Im afraid to say it sounds as though this relationship is over bar the shouting and it is time for you to let go.

Its so hard when you see one another at college and online because it doesnt give you the space to let go and only when you ave let go will you really be able to be friends without all the emtional hurt creeping in.

I know you will get over this, sadly we all do, our first loves are just that. The first of many. Also sadly you will be hurt again, and you will hurt other people. That is the way of the world.

The only way to deal with this is to be strong for yourself. Do not feel that you are validated by being with this person or that. You are the most important person in your life and you must love yourself first. Then it is possible to put other people before yourself and be truly mature.

She needs to be on her own for a while. Allow her to do this. If she wants to come back she will but it should be on your terms. Try to remember that by stopping her seeing her friends you cut an important part out of her life. Being jealous of those relationships has strained yours. We all need our friends. You say that you dont see your friends much, maybe now is a good time to rectify that. Find some good space for yourself. Havea good time. This does not necessarily mean drinking, by the way.

If you have any hope that she will come back you need to let her go before she can do that. To hold a butterfly you must open your hand.

I wish you all the best in your exams. If you have failed, do a resit, dont let this emotional upset ruin your education.

Remember to

Love yourself

Trust your feelings, insecurity is a poisoner.

Open your hand.

 

Good luck

With love

Nenez xxx

[MJL]

Hey thanks nenez, that meant a lot to me.

So i've started not speaking to her. The problem is last time i did this it got to day 5/6 and she started contacting me again. Should i just ignore her if this happens again? Just that i know how stubborn she is and she would probably take this the wrong way. Thanks again,

Matt xx

[MJL]

Ok, 2 days of no contact, and no sign of her. Like i said in my last post, what do i do when she contacts me? Most likely it'll be online or with a text message. Do i ignore it completely, reply, or what?? Sorry but im confused on this one! Thanks again