heartbroken100 Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 My ex has been seeing someone else for almost 7 months now. He is still contacting me in some form virtually everyday. He never really talks about his girlfriend at all. Only twice in the last 7 months. Last week he told me that his girlfriend came over to his house and started crying. He says he isn't really feeling what he should be at this stage of their relationship and she can tell. That there isn't any spark and that he just isn't feeling it. He says he doesn't see a real future with her. Yet they still have not broken up. He says he doesn't want to hurt her etc. He tells me all the time that he misses me and thinks about me all the time. If some of you don't remember my previous threads he lives out of state now. My question is, after the length of time he has been seeing her, is he stringing me along? Or is it possible he really has feelings for me? Does he just not really like her so he is still talking to me? I have asked him since the last conversation about her how things are going with her and he won't talk about it. It's like he wants to keep us two completely separate. ******UPDATE*******...Today my ex told me that he broke up with his girlfriend last night. I haven't really had a chance to talk to him about it yet. I have to protect my heart now I am afraid. He will most likely look to me for comfort now but eventually bail on me again when a new girl comes along. This is really hard. Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 My take is that he's keeping himself fresh in your memory because he knows that it's not going to work out with this girl. That way, if he wants to come back to you, he'll have a better standing than if he stopped contact with you when he got together with this girl. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 My take is that he's keeping himself fresh in your memory because he knows that it's not going to work out with this girl. That way, if he wants to come back to you, he'll have a better standing than if he stopped contact with you when he got together with this girl. I agree. You're his safety net. You're on the back burner in case things don't work out with new girl. Don't put up with it. He's keeping you from meeting other guys. Don't you think he's kind of a slimeball for talking to an ex about breaking up with his girlfriend and how he doesn't see a future with her? Doesn't that show he has poor character. He could easily do that to you too. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 I gather he dumped you to be with this new person? What he is doing is typical of the "special class" of dumper called the "egocentric dumper". These dumpers are never happy unless they have multiple women (or men, if the dumper was a woman) pining for them..they get a thrill out of being with one person while keeping in major contact with the ex they dumped. This way they get two people pining for them..the ex they are stringing along and the current partner where they are very noticeably half in and half out of the relationship. In this way they cause lots of drama with the ex, throwing out little carrots to imply their current relationship may be over (when in reality they have no intentions of dumping their current partner)..and they cause lots of drama with their current partner so that the current partner is constantly upset and running after them. Deeply troubled, insecure people play this dumper's game....this is how they get their kicks. Don't take him seriously...don't get your hopes up...you are now seeing the man he really is...a two-faced person who is leading a double life in order to get his ego stroked and feel superior to the two women who want him. Basically he offers nothing but BS and heartache to both you and his new gf. Classic dumper jerk modus operandi. Link to comment
heartbroken100 Posted March 18, 2010 Author Share Posted March 18, 2010 I agree. You're his safety net. You're on the back burner in case things don't work out with new girl. Don't put up with it. He's keeping you from meeting other guys. Don't you think he's kind of a slimeball for talking to an ex about breaking up with his girlfriend and how he doesn't see a future with her? Doesn't that show he has poor character. He could easily do that to you too. You are right. I am seeing him in a different way. It's like looking through a mirror and seeing who he really is. I need to break away from him. It is so hard and I know it will hurt but it is the right thing to do. Link to comment
heartbroken100 Posted March 18, 2010 Author Share Posted March 18, 2010 He didn't dump me for her, at least I don't believe so. Everything else you are saying is so dead on though. He must be getting a huge ego from both girls pining over him. Thanks for putting things in that perspective, you are so right!! Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 he's having his cake and eating it too. He has you which is safe and familiar... and he has the other girl who is new and exciting... but now the "new" girl is starting to become too stale and too familiar and you are now the one who is slightly out of reach. But you continue to stay in contact with him, and that is enough for him. He knows he hasn't lost you yet and probably think you would take him back if he wanted to. If he broke up with the "new" girl he would only be left with one person to provide everything he needs and now that he's had both, he is being hesitant to break up with her. He is in a very good positiion right now and is very comfortable with it. He has everything he wants from two girls. What one has, the other doesnt. Keeping both of you is a win win for him right now. Link to comment
heartbroken100 Posted March 18, 2010 Author Share Posted March 18, 2010 I'm not going to allow it, it makes me feel sorry for his girlfriend. I need to be the bigger person and just let him go. She will found out on her own hopefully not too long from now. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 I'm not going to allow it, it makes me feel sorry for his girlfriend. I need to be the bigger person and just let him go. She will found out on her own hopefully not too long from now. Now are you able to let go and stop talking to him? Link to comment
Stuart Humph Posted March 18, 2010 Share Posted March 18, 2010 It sounds as though your ex has the inability to make firm decisions, and as such is trying to keep and maintain control of you, which he cannot realistically hope to achieve. His feelings for you may relate back to his past and he is fearful of losing you forever and simply cannot let go, he needs to see a professional to work out just how he can move on. Your ex is in trauma and will need help and support from others but not you. Link to comment
heartbroken100 Posted March 18, 2010 Author Share Posted March 18, 2010 Now are you able to let go and stop talking to him? I think I am Ms. Darcy. He is doing to her exactly what he is doing to me. Stringing her along. He won't make a choice until he is forced to. I wouldn't want to be with him even if he wanted to come back. How could I ever fully trust him or believe I was the only one in his life anymore. It's done. I am not going to say anything to him, i.e. I don't want any contact etc. I am just going to disappear, I don't want the drama. I have said everything I need to say to him previously. I have no regrets and have a clearer perspective now. Link to comment
heartbroken100 Posted March 18, 2010 Author Share Posted March 18, 2010 I need to come here more often and vent. When I get the urge to write to him I need to post something here. It is the only way. Link to comment
heartbroken100 Posted March 19, 2010 Author Share Posted March 19, 2010 Thanks everyone for listening to me vent. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 Don't worry. That's what ENA is for. =D Link to comment
heartbroken100 Posted March 19, 2010 Author Share Posted March 19, 2010 My ex told me today the he and his girlfriend broke up last night. I didn't feel about it the way I thought I would. I wasn't happy or sad, kind of indifferent. Link to comment
citymouse Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 I need to come here more often and vent. When I get the urge to write to him I need to post something here. It is the only way. That is a great idea. I think you should do it! Link to comment
squirl Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Whoah! You just described my 1.5 year relationship with my ex! And his doormat-like, clingy ex that he called "dude." So that's what it's called. Hmm . . . interesting. He suddenly got unhappy with me shortly after he learned his ex got married. Coincidence? Link to comment
Tangz Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Two scenarios here: 1) He went for this girl and it never came out as it intended and he compares her to you and and is being genuine in saying he misses you. 2) He is running back to you for comfort and will bail on you again. Find out if hes genuine or not. Was he REALLY happy with this girl at first? (see point one, may have thought it was good at first and realises what hes now lost) Do you think he ran off to this girl as a 'rebound' and now hes over it? (see point 2) Is he this kind of guy? You should have noticed when you were togeather, did he put alot of time, love, and honesty into your relationship? Link to comment
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