Why is my lifestyle problem for most people?

[Puklop]

Hello, I'm new here and I need a little advice.

 

I am 24 and I have no job, no real education beyond high school, no friends and no girlfriend(never had a girlfriend). I have already been accepted into school for Computer Engineering and I'm definetly going to get a Diploma in that, looking for a job is something I really cant avoid but... I cant force myself to care very much about improving my social situation.

 

I mean the only reason I feel I need to do it is to avoid ridicule from my peers. If I didn't have to I wouldn't, so my Question is: Can I go through life living mostly on my own or Is there a reason I feel this way that I can change?

 

I mean its very clear I just want to learn, work and move through life. People will ridicule me for doing this if I don't gain friends and get laid. I don't care about making friends and getting laid, I just want to get stronger and smarter and walk the ing earth.

[hexaemeron]

You're asking the wrong question. You're asking us whether it's right for you to do something. You're seeking approval from us just like you seek the approval of the people you feel ridiculed you. You should be asking yourself "Do I think this is right for me?"

[southerngirl]

The question is are you happy this way? That is what matters. My brother was very anti social and was only worried about his education etc. He did meet a girl/woman and they have been married for over 14 years now. They are together ignoring most everyone else.

 

Point is you have to make yourself happy and do what satisfies you and not everyone else. That's what matters in the end.

[Taikero]

Basically what Hex said. You can do what you want, but you have to stop asking other people if it's okay first. Ask yourself what you want and go for it and don't worry or care what others think or feel about it. Shrug them off if necessary to do what's right by you.

[jengh]

Do what makes YOU happy. If you don't care about making friends, having a partner, kids, etc...then that's YOUR decision. Yeah, people might ridicule you for it, btu you don't want their friendship anyways, right, so who cares?

 

Human beings are social creatures so it's "normal" to want to seek out friendships and relationships and when someone steps out of that "norm", people don't really know how to react.

 

It's YOUR life. You have self-will. Do what you want.

 

I guess you need to ask yourself, do you WANT to change? If you're happy being alone then who's to stop you?

[nutbrownhare]

If you're content doing what you're doing, and aren't harming anyone else - carry on as you are.

 

People who tend to be loners are often very, very good at Computer Engineering; there are several professions which are ideally suited to people who are self-contained and don't need the company of others. If you change your ideas about what makes you happy at some time in the future, you can always change your situation. But really don't try to force the issue for the sake of other people if you, yourself, feel OK about it.

 

For now, though, IF others ridicule you - that really is THEIR problem. Getting involved in a relationship where your heart's not in it, but you're only trying to 'fit in' would not do you any good, and would be terribly unfair to the other person. When you start your course, you will likely encounter others who are similar to yourself and less likely to ridicule you.

[Lecturer]

I think the real concern here is less about receiving ridicule for a solo lifestyle and more about having success in life. Without at least some social skills, you're going to find yourself pretty limited, in more ways that just how many people you have on Facebook.

 

I'm a software engineer. The best engineers are those that combine intelligence, skill, and creativity with energy, outgoingness, and teamwork. Not many companies want to hire the quiet guy that is reasonably competent but only keeps to himself and is awkward to interact with.

 

Gain the skills, and use them how you want.. don't just declare you don't have them and don't want them.. or else... you know...

 

 

[hexaemeron]

I think the real concern here is less about receiving ridicule for a solo lifestyle and more about having success in life. Without at least some social skills, you're going to find yourself pretty limited, in more ways that just how many people you have on Facebook.

 

I'm a software engineer. The best engineers are those that combine intelligence, skill, and creativity with energy, outgoingness, and teamwork. Not many companies want to hire the quiet guy that is reasonably competent but only keeps to himself and is awkward to interact with.

 

Gain the skills, and use them how you want.. don't just declare you don't have them and don't want them.. or else... you know...

 

]

 

I wonder if the OP might have aspergic tendencies. That would explain a lot.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think the real concern here is less about receiving ridicule for a solo lifestyle and more about having success in life. Without at least some social skills, you're going to find yourself pretty limited, in more ways that just how many people you have on Facebook.

 

I'm a software engineer. The best engineers are those that combine intelligence, skill, and creativity with energy, outgoingness, and teamwork. Not many companies want to hire the quiet guy that is reasonably competent but only keeps to himself and is awkward to interact with.

 

Gain the skills, and use them how you want.. don't just declare you don't have them and don't want them.. or else... you know...

 

]

 

 

Good points. Unless you can sell yourself to employers or clients, you aren't going to be as great of an asset.

[lloz]

Isaac Newton lived 84 years and died a virgin, and it is said that he was even proud of this fact. He never reportedly sought out any kinds of romantic relationships in his life.

 

Certainly, this is not a typical story. He was the kind of person who could bury himself in studies, had a great many obsessions, and definitely had the brain to back it all up. And it's a great thing he did.

 

Do you have obsessions? I think it must be a key to living like this and not going crazy. I think a lot of depression is caused by people not having enough to do or think about. At least, that's the only time that I consider myself depressed (not talking clinical depression here, just in general). Vacation time can actually be really hard on me. The only thing that probably got me through summer vacations as a kid was an obsession with videogames. I don't want to say "addiction" because I am able to drop obsessions any time as long as I have something to replace it with. I do a lot of reading now instead of videogames, and I at least feel like I am more productive now.

 

Unfortunately, though, I can't have Newton's brain, so I feel like I have to make up for it with a little bit of social interaction. But the truth is I have one very good friend and I feel like that is all I need. I think I am actually decent at talking to random people, but only if it is about something technical or something I know a lot about. I am terrible at smalltalk about the weather and what I did over the weekend. I ended up talking to a random professor in a lab the other day for about 30 minutes about computers, before we both had other things to go do. I don't think we even exchanged names, and the truth is I don't really care, unless I might have wanted to find him again later to talk to him.

 

Asperger syndrome? I've read a little bit about it and I would certainly like to believe I have it, because it would explain a lot of things about myself, but I feel like I function well enough that I don't think I can consider myself as having some kind of disability. I'm not into self-diagnosing; too many people are into this practice, and I feel like at least half the people who claim to be clinically depressed are just depressed because they are missing something in their life and want some happy drugs to make up for it, and they exaggerate to their therapists in order to get them. But what do I know?

 

I only know that I'm fine with the way I am, everyone else can go do what they want.

[Puklop]

ha, I know I dont haver Asperger syndrome. Thank you all for the advice, I guess this really is something I should ask myself before asking others. I didnt think about it affecting my Career... i'll think of something.

[YakasJourney]

I was like this up until a few years ago. I basically got tired of being alone all the time, because for me, stuff just isn't as meaningful unless I'm sharing it with someone. I'm still kind of a loner, but I definitely try to reach out more. Think about it. Would you take a weekend trip to the beach by yourself? Go to the farmer's market? Movie night? These are some of the most pleasurable things to share with someone else, and to cut yourself off from that is crazy, IMO. To me nothing I could do alone would be better than cuddling with a loved one, or playing guitar with my best friend. Just think about it before you intentionally isolate yourself. You may think you can survive alone now, but it's not sustainable in the long term.

 

Think about this. If you are living by yourself and you choke on something, who is going to perform the Heimlich maneuver?