The ending of a very horrible chapter!

[mgirl]

Howdy very nice people of ENA

 

Today, i think (and hope), is the end of a very horrible chapter in my life. To cut a long story short:

 

1. My sister killed herself 4 years ago

 

2. I started dating somebody 1.5 years ago (X), before i was "ready". We met on a dating website, it became a very destructive and abusive relationship.

 

3. I met somebody at the end of last year whom i hit it off with quite well.

 

4. Tried to get rid of X to make way for this new relationship. We had already really broken up, but X wouldn't let go.

 

5. X and i went NC (the relationship was already over, X had moved interstate, this "break up" was just a formality).

 

6. New person and i experienced some problems and me stupidly, contacted X for support and because i knew it was familiar.

 

What has resulted from all of this is that i should have ended things with X a lot sooner so i could be "free" to meet somebody new.

 

As much as i wanted it to work with this new person, i still had residual issues with X and believed X when she said we could still be 'friends'. You cannot be friends with an ex so soon after!

 

What has also resulted from this terrible situation is that the new person i was seeing now thinks i was a "player" and that i was playing X and her off against each other. That was not true.

 

So now, i get an email from X stating that her life has turned around (i can only assume she has met someone)... All this after she interfered in my new romance with the new person in January 2010.

 

I said to X, via email today, that we should go NC and that it was a mistake letting her back into my life during Christmas, as my life had turned around "for the better" then too.

 

The purpose of this post is for me to admit that i messed up the new relationship due to my own stupidity and anger at X. The new person i was seeing feels so indifferently to me now that it hurts, and X has met somebody new and doesn't have a problem rubbing it in my face.

 

It is time for me to move on. As a friend of mine said (about ex's): if they can't s c r e w you, they will s c r e w with you. Sorry about the language.

 

Now, i am left with this big hole in my heart, and i virtually have no friends, which is not a great place to be at age 40. The new person doesn't want anything to do with me, and X, surprisingly, has moved on, despite pleading and assuring me a 1000 times we could be 'friends'. What a sucker i've been

 

I just want to repair my heart and my dignity, i am so sad right now.

 

I am going to start therapy in a few weeks. I hope it works.

 

Thanks for reading.

[squirl]

Dear mgirl,

 

You're doing well.

 

You're taking positive steps by letting go of X, assuming personal responsibility for what you've learned, and showing lots of self-love by seeking therapy.

 

If it makes you feel any better, I also made mistake #6 with someone I really loved. My ex never knew, but deep down inside I learned the very costly lesson that you should not be talking about your relationship problems with an ex. I won't ever make that mistake again.

 

You will make new friends, I promise you.

 

I hope that your writing this out and being heard makes you feel better.

[mgirl]

Thanks for your kind words squrl, they mean a lot to me

 

It's hard, X contacted me today and i had to write her a polite email. We shared so much together, it is a bittersweet moment. On one hand i will miss her, but on the other, i need to move on.

 

I hope she's happy with her new SO...