Getting the Poison out

[EQIQ]

I just want to know if people have similar experiences with this.

A few weeks ago me and my ex exchanged a few e-mails where I got literally everything that I had on my mind and heart out there. I mean, everything, the good the bad.. etc.

She replied pretty well to the good stuff, and not so well to the bad stuff lol, expected.

And then after we exchanged e-mails for a couple of days, maybe this whole thing went along for about a week, I felt like I really did not have anything to say anymore, no need to say anything.

 

She did not truly want to be friends (after me getting everything out there), and to be honest I didn't either. I did not want her back anymore, neither did she. So this whole thing really had a cleansing effect on me.

 

I did regret the whole exchange for about a week or so, and felt really stupid for putting all my thoughts out there, and hurting her in the process, but so what, I felt like it was things that she needed to hear.

 

Now I don't feel that need to contact her anymore, I don't really care about what will happen, because I don't want anything to happen anyway, pretty much I got all the poison out of my system. It felt bad for the first week, but now I feel better than I have ever felt in the past 4 months. I feel like my head is back to normal again.

 

During this process I started talking to a girl whom I used to talk to a few years ago, and stopped because my ex was jealous of her lol, and well things seem to be going fine.

 

Anyway, point is, I feel like this cleansing effect that I feel I got, of not caring anymore because I have all said all that I could have said and was honest about it with no games, has gotten me a much better moving on effect than NC was doing for me.

 

Not talking against NC, but I feel like after a few months of NC, if you still have a lot of stuff troubling your mind, and you don't really care if you will get back together or not, or really don't want to get back together, might as well just get it all out there. It will probably make you feel like crap for a while, but if it works the same as it did for me, it will put you in a better place later.

[1guygirl]

sometimes yeah...when you end things and play the mature break up peep, yes thats good and all that, but if you feel wronged or they dont take their share of the blame, in some cases it can be very good to get it all out there in order to move on...which this has seemed very beneficial for you and thats great!

 

im at anger stage again, but i have been really nice cpl weeks ago going NC (which we both know is gunna be indefinate) and whilst im not gunna email him and kick off, i do feel a few rages come on...and today i even through one of his gifts REALLY HARD into my bin and told it to F.O!!!!! and stuck my fingers up at it....awwwww it felt good...and now i look back it was rather funny and i can laugh bout it too

 

however, one of my exes, Kinnon (ahh) who was short term, he was an amazing man, and he would have been a wonderful member on here, he was a superdave kinda guy...anyways, we split really well, i tried to prod him and got no reply and i knew he would be happy back together with his true love (no cheating or owt) ...anyways, jus the fact he was so mature and wonderful when we parted, i look back on that man with the fondest memories and i would date him again in a heartbeat over ALL of my ex's

 

so....

 

the way i look at it....do i want to be a Kinnon in my recent ex's eyes, the one who he will look back as the one who got away, and think fondly of me...orrrr do i want to be that rabid b*tch from hell remembered only for cutting wounding words ???

 

 

[mgirl]

Well, i'm hoping it will work for me. Unfortunately i've dragged it on for > than one week, but that was not entirely my fault. I was dealing with somebody who had NO voicemail, NO home phone, and chose to break up with me via email and SMS, really classy

 

They often cut me off and shut me out when they didn't want to respond, and controlled all the communications because you could only contact them via SMS and email (and they wouldn't answer their phone). Really mature for a 37 year old.

 

So, anyway, it's taken me a while and i still don't think i have it all out, but i will most likely have to move on, because not being able to "talk" to the person has made it so much worse. She doesn't realise if she had have just talked to me, this whole sickly process would have been over with in a week or so. But, no, she had to drag it on by communicating by email and SMS.

 

I shouldn't have played it her way, i should have just ignored all communications unless it was via the mode that i wanted. Hindsight is a wonderful thing

[EQIQ]

Well mgirl, what I did was over e-mail too... I know like.. retarded and not classy but, I don't want drama or to waste my time with someone who I don't wish to pursue anything with.

 

Besides the beauty of e-mails or letters is that you can write whatever you want, as long as you want without a single interruption. So that's what I did, I wrote, and wrote until I had said everything that I had had on my mind. Then she replied, and I realized I hadn't finished writing everything, so I went on and finished lol.

 

Trying to make things like this into a conversation is just going to drag it on endlessly principally if the person is not interested in hearing it (odds are they ain't). So just write all you want to say out, and then decide if you wish to send it or not.... that's what I did.