not feeling so strong today. Any words of encouragement?

[vroomvroom]

After my last post "Just Expressing Myself", I was feeling much stronger, and was convinced that it would be my boyfriend's loss if we broke up. Today, however, I'm not feeling so strong. I dunno... sometimes I just get the feeling that my boyfriend doesn't really care to be with me at all because he acts SO DISTANT at times. When we're together, everything always feel right, like we're on the right track, we're in sync, and I never doubt his love for me. When we're not together, though, I feel like he's pushing me away, doesn't miss me, doesn't love me, doesn't want to be with me. He's not a big talker - I don't think he knows the phone's been invented yet. I don't know if I'm just being too sensitive and taking things too personally. I KNOW he's very unhappy with work. I guess it just hurts me that I can't seem to make him happy, and that he won't turn to me, even as a distraction. The only thing that he seems to use as a distraction are his video games

Do you guys think that when people are unhappy with work, that could make them back off from their significant other? If so, then this is gonna be really tough cuz I don't see his job situation improving any time soon. He's not even really looking for another job.

Can anyone give me any words of encouragement? I'd really appreciate it.

[mermayd]

It is very likely, almost guaranteed, that when someone has troubles with their work life or home life, their relationship takes a hit from it. What is going on is really normal. If he is struggling with work, then that is a good reason that he is distant. Another thing that may be worth considering is that males find it difficult to express their feelings. Men really aren't verbal at all. That could be a contributing factor to this confusion you are having. It is something we women, unfortunately, have to learn to accept. It tends to not change no matter what. But you can always express your concerns to him. Communication is important in a relationship. Let him know that you feel distant and ask him if there are any problems regarding the relationship or is it just that he cant find the things to say? Most likely, it is nothing personal. What you should concentrate on is the fact that you feel close when you are together and that you have a good time with eachother. that really is the important factor.

[vroomvroom]

mermayd, thank you for taking the time to reply. Your words do help. I wish I had discovered eNotalone a month ago when my boyfriend and I got in a huge fight, and almost broke up. That was when I pressured him into spending time with me when he just wanted to be by himself. At the time, his stress really did have nothing to do with me, but now I'm not so sure. At that time, I asked him for another chance and he agreed, but he said "You just expect me to forget about this?" (this being the fact that I really pressured him into hanging out with me). I said "no" but that I thought it was something we could work on. I think he hasn't forgotten it yet, which is also why he's keeping me at a distance but, like I said, the couple of times we've hung out since the big fight have felt right, and at those times, I don't question whether he loves me. I know he is a typical guy who hates talking and expressing himself, which is why I don't even want to bring up this whole distance thing. The last time I did that, it upset him cuz he said I always make things about me when they have nothign to do with me. So what do you suggest I do? Always just leave it up to him to determine when we spend time together? I don't know what the next step is. I just know I don't want to talk about 'US'. Argh! WHy can't things just go back to normal?!!!!!

[SwingFox]

Hi vroomvroom,

 

Thank you for coming back to eNotalone.com for encouragement. I am sorry to hear that things don't work the way you planned it. I am all the way with Mermayd. She went right down to the bottom of things.

 

Communication leads to a better understanding. My suggestion thereforeeeeeee is to vary sweet words and words of love and desire for your b/f with words of concerns. I also suggest that you encourage him looking for a new job, how hard that might be. Unfortunately relationships do have ups and downs. Do know that there's a sun behind the clouds and the clouds will disappear in time again.

 

Go out there, vroomvroom and make a difference to the world and to those that you love. Give them support and encouragement, but at the same time communicate your needs and desires. Eventually love will prevail. I wish you luck and strength the coming period.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[vroomvroom]

Swing Fox, thank you for your words of encouragement. I feel like I am at my wit's ends with my boyfriend - but I do not want to break up. I have tried encouraging him to find another job but he always says he does not have the time. I have tried to tell him that if he does not like the situation he is in, he has to try and change it - and that change does not just happen. Another job will not just fall in his lap. Because he did not react well to my suggestions, and felt that I was just pushing him, I stopped talking about finding a new job. I have even tried looking for jobs for him, myself, but when I told him about a possibility and suggested he take a look at the posting, he never did.

He is NOT a communicator. When something is wrong, he rarely talks about it, and he hates having "discussions". He only seems to be willing to talk about non-serious things. I'm having a really hard time, however, trying to find things to talk about with him. We used to be able to talk about anything, but now I just find it so hard to have a conversation with him. Wow! Maybe our communication has deteriorated that much? In which case, how do I get it back?

[vroomvroom]

oops, and also, I know that relationships have their ups and downs and I really do hope love will prevail but I'm very afraid of pushing him farther away with my actions. Where do I go from here? Am I supposed to leave him alone, and let him come to me, however long that takes? Should I constantly remind him I'm there for him? I'm always afraid that because he's so caught up in his own life, he'll just forget about me, or he'll just let me go. I dunno. Where do I go from here?