My EX Is Taking E EVERYTHING From me HELP

[romanticlover]

Hello, I have in a relationship for the last 4 years with a borderline personality type woman with plenty of issues over the last 4 years and it's been on and off for the last 2. I even told her I wasn't happy anymore, didn't break up with her but said I didn't know what to do and ofcourse she took that as I didn't want her as they all do with this disorder.

Anyways, when I first met her she was shy, was going through some emotional issues, wasn't going out, had a different lifestyle. I was a popular guy, knew soooo many people, tons of aquaintances, had many spotlight positions and exposed her to it all. Vip stuff, new people, all my friends, wined and dined her and basically spoiled the HELL out of her which she wasn't used to.

I would introduce her to all my friends, contacts and they all knew her as my GF. As time went on she would start to contact these people via myspace, facebook even cell phones behind my back not making a big deal about it. She would secretly turn my friends against me, me against them, really mess with my head. I have lost so many friends and contacts because of this girl totally leeching off of what and who I exposed her to that my whole life has changed.

She even made me stop talking to my former best friend and ruined that relationship.

She CONTINUES to go to the places I took her to, meet the people that were always in my network, always has to be someplace that involves me or did at some point.

I feel that this has been going on for some time now and we have gotten into many arguments over this. We stopped talking for like 2 months and I still see her talking to old friends, making new friends with people in my circle and it's driving me crazy!!!! I feel like screaming GET YOUR OWN LIFE AND FRIENDS AND STAY THE F>>> AWAY FROM ME. This really drives me crazy. I hardly go out anymore, feel trapped in the house, feel like she has turned so many people against me, like she has control and the tables have turned. Sh ei sa gorgeous attention hungry girl that ANY guy woul dget wrapped up in her games and drama.

What can I do to just ignore this and get my life back!!!!! And take back what I once had?

Help thanks.

[OntheWire]

Well if you're really an outgoing social person like you say, then go find some new places and new people. That should be one of your abilities. As for the past, let it go. It may take some time, but eventually all these lost friends of yours are going to see your ex's true colors and then maybe they'll come back around and apologize. But don't wait for that...just go do your own thing.

 

The main point is she can't hide her colors forever. If she keeps acting the way she's acting, she'll alienate everyone you introduced her to. It may take a while, but it'll happen. At this point, she may try to apologize and come back into your life because you'll have exciting new places and people that she's yet to ruin... kind of like a virus that tries to spread after its already destroyed one area. Don't let her near you at this point...not even for a five minute conversation. Just keep going forward with your life and let her be someone else's problem.

[romanticlover]

Thanks for the response OTW. Most of the places or people I was around were THE places and people to be around. There are only so many places and people. I was a HUGE part of a very popular scene and exposed her to it and I still want to go to them, but I feel so weird because it seems like now she has turned everyone against me and does anythign she can for attention and popularity and acts now like her s... doesn't stink. Because of her looks and acts, guys especially will fall into that. She goes where the drama and trouble is and just has such a broad range of taste. She will say some guy is a weirdo or 2 faced or full of drama, but then a week later she is best friends with that person. I have never met anyone in my life like that.

Her life is always changing and she is sooooo desperate fo love noe even tho we just ended it all that she puts it out there to her circle of friends ( MY FRIENDS) which annoys me.

As far as going to new places, I don't go out much anymore simply because I have lost interest and focus mainly on my life, work, family and there are times where I don't talk to any of my existing friends or contacts for weeks.

I feel like she has sucked the life, love and world out of me and all I want to do is stay in and work. Fortunately I am not a BUM and work so hard and have so much going for me which is good.

It's one of those things where it's like just GO AWAY....

[OntheWire]

As far as going to new places, I don't go out much anymore simply because I have lost interest and focus mainly on my life, work, family and there are times where I don't talk to any of my existing friends or contacts for weeks.

I feel like she has sucked the life, love and world out of me and all I want to do is stay in and work. Fortunately I am not a BUM and work so hard and have so much going for me which is good.

It's one of those things where it's like just GO AWAY....

 

Eh, it could be she just opened your eyes to a new interlude in your life where social rest is welcomed. But since she was such a negative influence on your life, you could be interpreting the result of your situation as a negative rather than the positive that it is. It sounds to me like this is your choice to be more socially reserved lately and you should understand there's nothing wrong with that. She didn't suck the life out of you...it's just her poor actions reminded you of how superficial and fleeting social circles can be. Enjoy the break and don't worry about it.

[absinthe]

Anyone who's been clinically diagnosed with a Cluster B personality disorder, like BPD, can have strong, draining effects on their partners. With this in mind, have you considered getting therapy?

 

As someone who was once married to a man who had NPD, a couple of months of therapy really helped to get me back onto my feet.

[romanticlover]

I actually have clients/friends that are Therapists that give me some advice and it helps for that moment. A lot of things are based off of fear for some reason. I wish the best for her bust It just drives me insane!!! I would love to have a I don't give a crap attitude and that is almost how she is. She actually thinks I am the one going out doing the stuff she is doing.

I am trying to gain some friendships back on a smaller level because I am sooo busy.

[absinthe]

Tips here and there from therapists, especially if they're clients, aren't the same as a one-to-one interaction with a therapist you trust.

 

For that matter, look at your attitude. I WANT friendships but are toooo busy to put any effort into reconnecting. You'd better look to your priorities and also, how you view other people, as commodities to make you happy, rather than a connection with a fellow human being.

[romanticlover]

Pleae allow me to rephrase that. I DO want friendships and have time, but I don't go out as much anymore. I feel like I have lost friendships because of her and want them back. She would manipulate and tell me in the past that those weren't my GOOD friends and she has every right to be friends with them. Meanwhile ALL of my acquaintances she says this about and it just keeps her close at all times. Mainly she goes after GUYS which make s me very mad then I loose respect and trust for the guys I know and end up resenting them both. It seem because she has gotten so comfy wth all of the people I know, introduced her to, the places I took her to and has a HUGE ego, she can leech off all the people that know her and she is so desperate for attention that it just is so easy for her to get it from people that knew me. IS she doing this on purpose? I think so.