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Stages of Grief?


Lillyk

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It's almost been a year since my grandfather's death. He was not only my grandfather, he was also my parental figure. He took the role that my parents couldnt handle and he was the best father figure I could have ever asked for.

 

Unfortunately for me, he passed away march 11, 2009. I am sure he is in a better place and I try to be happy that he is in peace, but I cant.

 

It's 5:35 am and I cant seem to fall asleep. I went to bed to try to get some sleep but I couldnt close my eyes and all I could think of was him. I started crying, all the memories I had with him started running through my mind, and I realized I miss him like crazy. It's weird that it has taken me almost a year to finally realized he is not here and he is not coming back.

 

I remember when they first told me about my grandfather's death. Yes, of course, I felt sad and cried. But I dont feel I dealt with it... I feel like I have unconsciously postponed dealing with my grief. It was like part of my mind knew he was dead, but a bigger part of me kept hoping he was going to come back... I was hoping it was all a dream.

 

I always felt weird that I wasnt crying or I wasnt as upset as I thought I was going to be. I thought it should have been harder for me because I was the closest person to him besides my grandmother, and he was the person I love the most in the world.

 

I have heard about denial and shock stages, and I guess I am wondering if that's where I was going through for this past year. I am wondering if that's the reason why I still had hope and the reason why all of a sudden it seems to hit me that he is not coming back.

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I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you honey.

 

It will be four years in the summer since I lost my dad and I don't think that it ever really "Hit me" that he's gone.

 

My theory is that is because we were so incredibly close, I know what he'd say or do in most situations, if I stop to think about it, I know what advice he'd give me. So I don't think it'll ever feel completely like he's gone away...because he hasn't completely gone, he lives on through me....does that make any sense at all? thats just how I like to think about it.

 

The other thing is that people will keep telling you that it will get easier, thats true to an extent. The pain does get easier. But the missing them just gets worse...maybe that gets easier in time. I'm yet to experience that.

 

Don't question your grieving, everyone does it differently, just allow it to happen, without letting it consume you.

 

Much love, Sugar xxx

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I have heard about denial and shock stages, and I guess I am wondering if that's where I was going through for this past year. I am wondering if that's the reason why I still had hope and the reason why all of a sudden it seems to hit me that he is not coming back.

 

It does shound like you were more numb at first due that.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss. I am very close with my own grandparents so I don't like to even think about the prospect of losing them, ever. I don't know how people cope.

 

I also think that in the big scheme of things, a year is not really that long. The loss is still new and you are probably still coming to terms with a lot of things.

 

Hang in there

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