Scared to date?? Is made Uncomfortable?? No Reason why??

[pherb]

I'm 17 and I have this deathly fear of relationships, to the point where I've never dated anyone EVER because of it. I don't know why?? I also can't even get remotley close to anyone...(kissing,hugging,etc...) even if I want too. It just makes me really uncomfortable, and I wish it didn't.

 

There have been times where I've actually LIKED somebody, had the opportunity to be with them, and BLEW it because I just didn't feel comfortable. Oh and committment also scares the hell out of me. I hate this! And I'm not even shy, well a little, but not to those extremes!!! And at this point, seeing as though there are people my age already getting married, seriously, I also have this feeling that i'm a "late bloomer", so to speak, and thereforeee am too unexperienced. Which is dumb, but hell.

 

Since I'm obviously going to be alone for the rest of my born days....what are my alternatives?? Or better yet, is there anything I can do to overcome this godforsaken phobia which has plagued me (possibly others, but doubtful) ??????????

 

ANY advice is greatly appreciated.

[sparkler624]

hey. I think I can relate to how you feel. I have had boyfriends, but they never last long. I'm scared of commitment also and I seem to get bored with them quick. Granted, you have never had a boyfriend, but you are only 17. Give yourself time when you meet 'the one' I think all of your doubts and fears will diminish (or at least that's what I'm hoping for!). Just hang in there and try not to dwell. Good Luck.

[lisaria]

Hi pherb,

Ok, the first thing you need to do is figure out WHY. There is a reason why you are so afraid of being with someone and you need to know what it is so you can work on it.

And relax. Just be another's friend. That is the first step in a relationship. Do you have guys that you are just friends with? Then that's a b/f only take it to the next level. Think of it in stages. The first is getting to know someone. Then becoming friends, exchanging personal info, then maybe holding hands or letting them put their arm around you. Then only what you feel comfortable with. Talking, kissing (maybe), being alone together. there's no rush when it comes to relationships, the longer it takes to develop the better it will be. The greater the anticipation only makes it that much sweeter. Take your time. What is the rush? Remember the old saying? Good things come to those who wait? Your future b/f will appreciate the fact that you waited for him so much more so than if you didn't. It will make you that much more special in his eyes. And whatever makes you special makes you stand out in the crowd.

Believe it or not, I was terrified of guys. They were a whole different species and very dangerous. But after you learn them, they are fantastic. They are fun, but you have to understand yourself a little more before you can actually understand them. It took me a very very long time to realize that they (or alot of them) are just as scared as you are. Only they CANNOT show it. It would not be very manly and heaven forbid if they are not that. They really are interesting. Try getting to know what they are about before worrying about how they are interested in you. The more you act interested in them and their passions, what they like and don't like, the more they will be interested in learning about you. And that's all it is, learning each other. And then you may find out that you really don't want to learn anything else from this person. And that's ok, as long as you're honest. Have fun.

I hope this will help some.

lisaria

[ang3l2004]

I agree with lisaria

[pherb]

Well thats another thing. I honestly have no idea why. My parents aren't divorced or anything. There's nothing I can think of that would root back to or be a contributing factor to all this. I just CANNOT be with somebody. I have guy friends, but in the past when one has tried to show interest in me I automatically cut off all communication with him!! It's crazy! I think what I'm mostly scared of is...

A) getting used (stupid)

B) Getting stuck with a psycho possessive boyfriend (again stupid, however, my sister was in a similar situation)

C) being tied down

 

I just don't know. And silly as this all sounds.. it really gets to me. I wish I was at least half ass normal.

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

I decided to register because I wanted to respond to this post (and others, but specifically this one.) I'm 19 and haven't dated anyone yet because I was scared of guys as well. I'm getting together next week with someone I really like & have liked this yr but was too hesistant to do anything about it, so hopefully something will happen though..I think my problem was that I had too low self-esteem - the possibility of guys liking me more than a friend never even entered my mind, I didn't even know what signs to look for. I think it was because I was overweight as a kid & sorta shy so I was teased and had difficulty making friends. But then I lost a lot of weight & actually became quite attractive (even though I never realized it..) and felt uncomfortable about people staring at me because I wasn't used to it, and initially thought they were mocking me when it was just because they were attracted to me. My mom encouraged me to try modelling & I just felt it was so wrong, but I did it because I wanted to fit in and tried to be someone I wasn't..I could never really accept myself..that lack of confidence then was conveyed to others.

 

It might be because you just need to gain some confidence in yourself to date guys, you know what they say, you have to love yourself before you can love others & I think that's really true. Or there must be a reason why you have a 'phobia' of guys...but in any case, even if you can't figure it out, just be yourself (most importantly) and confident and friendly and it won't be hard for you to meet people. Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet..that was also the case for me, I just wasn't really interested in anyone until I hit university. I was a really late-bloomer I guess.

 

Anyways, you're not abnormal or anything, if you want to change you can. But don't force yourself to like people you don't. In time you'll find someone, til then just be friendly & open and you'll be fine..

 

cya,

 

lily04