Do people really get back together?

[runthroughfire]

I left my partner (after a big fight) five weeks ago. I have been trying to make amends, prove my love, but feel further and further away. Should I give up the ghost? If not now, when?

 

Do reconciliations ever happen? If so, how?

[Gilgamesh]

Id like to hope that they do sometimes, its my wish in life that my true love will accept me into her life again. Ill know for sure if happy endings are real by early next month. thats when Ill be free to marry her, and I plan on getting down on my knee to propose to her. probably on my birthday april 10. will love prevail? i hope to god it does!

[osewa77]

Hi!

 

What was the nature of the fight? You need to get to the root of all the issues that led to the fight. You have to make sure both parties understand what really happened and there's a feeling of security that such a thing is not going to happen again. I don't think its primarily a matter of proving your love. You have to really get to the root of the conflict, understand and forgive each other for everything.

 

Are you sorry for the part you played in the fight? Can we have the details so our suggestions can be more useful to you?

[runthroughfire]

The nature of the fight is not particularly relevant, not even sure why I mentioned it, except that my leaving was by mutual consent resulting immediately after the argument. The issues are all mine, dishonesty, disrespect, neglect, failure to love my partner in any real active way - resentment at the increasingly active part her family plays in our life together, etc. These are all issues I've had to address in the last few weeks.

 

Feel I've undergone real change, lifted away alot of my anger and neediness. Now just want to come back to her and love her properly.

 

Situation complicated by the fact that that she has twelve year old son, from a previous marriage, who suffered because of mine and his mother's constant bickering.

 

I'd love to know if there's anyone out there who has managed to patch up a relationship after a partner has left the home..

[SwingFox]

Hey there,

 

I have seen at least one happy ending on eNotalone.com. She and her b/f got together even after cheating. I admire her courage for that. I hope she will find the right way to this posting to let you know what and how things happened.

 

Osewa is very right. You will have to have the right heart and both parties must be willing to forgive each other for everything that happened. There should also be love for each other. Feelings change over time, especially after one started a healing process.

 

Is it impossible? No, it is doable if both parties are willing to make sacrfices and are enabled to go deep for each other. Time will heal all wounds ... both ways.

 

I wish you good luck on which you decide.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[runthroughfire]

Thanks!!

[Gilgamesh]

Iam hoping mine will be the second happy ending then! you know Ill be posting what happens either way.

[killer_bimbo]

Yup, I think there's a lot of us hoping here. I do know of quite a few cases where it has happened, apparently, in their youth, my parents were constantly breaking up and getting back together within a week, , and longer term, my cousin broke up with his girlfriend, and they got back together a year later, and have been happily together for about 15 years since. It can happen, as people have stated in other posts, if the underlying problems in the relationship are sorted out in the time spent apart, and there is enough love in the relationship. Sometimes relationships die because the two people just aren't right for each other, and in that case, I wouldn't have thought any amount of time apart is going to change that. Infidelity is often forgiven, and the relationship could get back on track. I think relationships that split up because one partner feels suffocated, or both partners get too comfortable and take things for granted have a good chance of starting again, as those problems often have nothing to do with the overall compatability of the two people, and will also cloud true feelings of love. That's my take on things.

[frackledJJ]

Hi! I have heard of some of my friends getting back together. The roommate of my former boyfriend (with whom I hope to get back together) split and never talked a word with each other again for almost a year. They both had other partners in that year, until she wrote a real bad mail to him, telling him to rot in hell. He was angry at her for a month, before he send her a mail. Subject: Greetings out of hell!. They are now together again for over a year and both now say they are going to marry each other.

Since you are all guys, I have a question regarding my former boyfriend:

He broke up 8 weeks ago, and last week I went to him to "clear the coast", since we both study at the same college and are in constant danger of running into each other. I still love him, and I told him so, together with some things I learned about him that he has to change about hinself (not only because of me. For instance, he often says things without thinking about them, never realizing how happy or sad he makes people with this and than flipping on their reaction) and I also told him that I don't think he can have a relationship right now. I was very hurt after the break up because I didn't have any explanation for 6 weeks. Than I met his friend, who told me he would have thought about breaking up since sometime in November. So I had told myself: this guy playacted for more than two months, its over. I still love him, but it's over. And than he confessed to me that he grew scarred about "making nails with heads" and "making something long out of the relationship".(that was after New years, where I got to know all his family, and their (positive) reactions must have been quite a shock, or so he said) I was totally confused by that, but later wrote him a mail asking him to think about why he broke up, because of being scarred or because his feelings weren't strong enough for a relationship anymore. No reply until now. We said he should think about everything and when he's done thinking, he should contact me, and he hasn't until now. Only spreads into huge smiles whenever we see each other in College, waving, making sure I realize he is there. All my frieds say, he's eather a huge asshole because of lying to me and behaving like he does, or "someone's going to marry real soon". We are both invited to a party on saturday, and I want to now what's going on until than, but I want to give him time to think things over, too! What can I do? What do you think about his behaviour?

[runthroughfire]

Am sounding off now, forgive me for this ramble. It's now a little more than two months since we broke up. I continue to have more and more contact with my ex-lover, it's very respectul and caring, which is more than I can say for the time we were together. But, in another sense, it's all so false. I look at her lovingly, all I can think about is how much I love her, how much I miss her. I try to make our time together as pleasant as possible, and try to subjugate my needs and concentrate on showing her how much I love her. She's made it clear that IF (and that's a very big IF) we'd get back together it would be in a very long time. Not that long ago she seemed to be softening her stance, she said she now viewed it as a time-out rather than a break-up ("a few months", which would "fly by") But now she says she doesn't remember saying that - and it's true that whereas I never stop thinking about this, she, by her own admission, has neither the time nor the inclination to be quite so reflective. As I've mentioned before, she has a son from her previous marriage, and she has said before that she needs to protect him from further hurt. I don't know, but I feel she's hiding behind him. I feel sure there's noone else, and she seems content to be 'alone', though she does say that it's hard for her, financially (and I continue to contribute) and emotionally - but she says that if we get back together, it'll have to be for the right reasons, i.e not because she's broke and alone.

 

Our meetings are in secret. She doesn't want her family (who feel let down by me) knowing that I'm seeing her, if seeing is the right word. Not sure if any of her friends are aware. She's slowly getting on with her life. Work commitments, she's doing very well, and we've just been talking about a holiday/vacation that her sister is organising. I try to be as supportive as I can be in everything, I want nothing but her happinness. But inside I'm becoming more and more desperate about losing her.

 

I know that our souring relationship towards it's final(?!) six months or so caused her son ("J" (her name is "K")) a lot of hurt. He's nearly twelve and, while in some ways very resilent and grown-up, he's actually quite immature - he now sleeps in his mother's bed and won't spend a night away from his Mum (she and I went out on a "date" to the movies a couple of nights ago, while he was sports training. He phoned her, got no reply and got very upset that she was out - she pretended she was at a girlfriend's house and didn't hear the phone) - not sure if he's 'protecting' her, taking my place, or just very insecure. I need to be able to have contact with him at some point, if only to prove to him that I love him and to say sorry for hurting him. K says no, not for a while. It's his birthday soon, It's Easter next week, then K's birthday, then summer...It's all getting too much.

 

I love K, and respect her views, and abide by her rules. Sometimes though I think I should just disappear. She says "if it was meant to be, then it will happen" I feel, thought that things don't happen unless we make them happen. So I walk this fine line between not pressurising, not extorting, and being sad and lonely - am on anti-depressents - and trying to get on with my life - Need to look after myself!!

 

I had some great responses before, please keep this dialogue going. So much more to say and learn

[runthroughfire]

I had some great responses before, please keep this dialogue going.

 

The advice seems to have dried up. Need help.

[sassure]

If the breakup occurred as an act of passion, then reconciliations are possible. Keep the lines of communication open, and keep professing your devotion.

 

BUT if, after the breakup, your partner talks to you in a cool, matter-of-fact way, with no bitterness, then reconciliations are not likely to be successful. That's when it's time to move forward......

[runthroughfire]

She's certainly less bitter than she was, but I'd like to think that that's because, as per your advice, I've been keeping lines of communication open, though recently I've not contacted her, and have created some pleasant encounters for us both.

 

You sound like the voice of experience. So.....how long?

[DarkBlitzer]

I have seen many many people break up and get back together. I have a couple friends that went out with the same girl about 3 times. If you can show her that you still love her than she should eventully come back around. If she knows that you wont do what you did to make her break up with her last time then i think that she will come back to you. Just give it a little bit of time.

 

Good Luck!!!