what Do u Think I should do? PlZ help

[semperking]

My problem is: I have been seeing this girl for the past almost 4 years. When I started seeing this girl she was at the end of a relationship with another man and they were living together. THey had lived together for 8 years and been together for 9. SHe had an 11 year old daughter from her previous marriage. The dad wasn't in the picture at first, but then came in later in her life. So, The boyfriend she was living with has pretty much been her dad her whole life. Anyways, I told her we wouldn't become an official couple until she moved out. Once she did me out we became a couple. I told her from the beggining that I would respct the fact that this guy will always be a part of her daughter's life, But thats it. I would not say anything when it came to him and her daughter, but everything else will be an issue and she needs to stay away from him. Now, throughout our relationship he has been an issue. whether its going over his house even if he's not there and other stuff too. I know he wants her back for sure. I don't think they are having any type of sexual relationship or she is cheating on me. I just don't feel comfortable with her being around him. I don't hang around my ex's at all because i think the past should be the past. I have let go and moved on. I believe that if she knows how much it bothers me and hurts me she would stay away if she truly loved me. But She hasn't and it has continued to be a problem in our relationship. eventhough their relationship is stictly platonic it really bothers me. I know they are good friends, but shouldn't she have moved on? Especially knowing how we started? I don't know what to do anymore. I love her very much, but at the same time I have to have respect for myself and I know what I want. I don't think asking the woman who loves me to stay away from her ex is too much to ask for, Is it? Please help and give me some advice. thanks alot

[Mauxly]

I'm confused. You said that you wouldn't become an official couple until she moved out. So does that mean that you were sleeping with her before she moved out? Did she cheat on him with you?

[Mauxly]

I only ask because you also state "Especially knowing how we started?"

So you might know in your heart that if she cheated on him to be with you she is fully capable of cheating on you to be with him. I think that right there is the root of your issue. This is why, it is always a mistake to get involved with someone who is already involved. Even if you 'win' and fall in love, and make a life together (rare), this best case scenario still sucks, you are still with someone that you know for a fact doesn't value commitment and is capable of deception.

 

I'm friends with most of my exboyfriends. Current boyfriends have no issue with this because they know I'm a fidelity hardliner and they know I would never even hang out with someone that I still had feelings for.

 

I think your problem is that you are with someone you can't trust.

 

Bummer.

[semperking]

Good question. I was talking to her for about a year before I slep with her. we didn't even kiss for the 8 months. but yes we did sleep together about a month or two before she moved out. thier relationship was over before I came along. He hates sex and wanted nothing to do with her when it came to that. That caused alot of other problems between them. He even told her he didn't care if she went out and got it somewhere else. So, to answer your question as to if she cheated on him with me, Kinda, but not really. they more stayed together cause it was more convienient for both of them

[semperking]

I say ""Especially knowing how we starte" because I wish I would have waited until she officially moved out until I started to see her and develop feelings for her. I wish I would have just been her friend and not even attempt to let it be anything more before she moved out. then once she moved out seen where it would go from there. Does that make sense?

[Mauxly]

Ahh yeah, that is a little more complicated than the average cheat now isn't it.

If he wasn't interested in sex with her then, there is a good chance he's not interested in it now. You state that you don't think they are cheating.

 

Are you eeked because you sense that their frienship is closer than your friendship with her?

[semperking]

Thats pretty much it. Like I said I doubt there cheating, if you want your new relationship to last shouldn't u let go of your past. I am on good terms with all of my ex's, but I stay away from them. I wouldn't want them to be a reason for my girl to be unhappy or cause a problem where there doesnt need to be one. so I don't allow it to happen. I do want to be my girls friend on a deeper level especially when it comes to marriage. But how can I be that when she wont let go of the past. SHe always just tells me I'm over reacting. And maybe I do, But the fact is it bothers me and I tell her about it and she doesn't respect my wishes. It's Not like I'm asking to do something bad.

[JackAfrica]

The voice of reason ^^^. Right on the money.

[JackAfrica]

But the fact is it bothers me and I tell her about it and she doesn't respect my wishes.

 

That alone is a dealbreaker.

[semperking]

It just sucks cause I really Love her. i just Can't see saying or doing anything that would change my mind now. I mean if it has been almost 4 years and its still happening and an issue What can she possibly say or do that would lead me to truly believe it will be any different in the future. Do u Agree that if it hasn't stopped by now it never will?