Really want to be friends, or backup guy?!

[AllByMyself]

Hey, a few weeks ago i posted my story on here i think my other thread is called "4 years ditched for internet romance..."

 

Anyhow, i realise that me and my ex are not good together and i wouldnt take her back with the way she was with me....

 

I wanted her as a friend as i love her personality and i get on so well with her.

 

Yet it seems we keep going round in circles, as you may of read my story the American is very needy and pushy towards my ex and he's coming over end of this month to finally meet up with my ex.

 

Now the thing is 2 nights ago i was round at hers and we were playing on a game next thing i knew she threw her arms round me and said "I need a hug, you hug really good" so anyhow i hugged her as it didnt hurt me as i really do just see her as a friend and then she pecked me quickly on the lips before i had chance to dodge it....

 

Afterwards she went to me "maybe if i tell the American about this he will back off" so i just said "We didnt do anything, but if you want him to back off you can lie a bit if you want"

 

Later on that night i came home and went on MSN and she said she told him and he was going mad with her saying "I really love you, screw me, im a fool, but i really do" - bare in mind this is coming from a 30 year old man, if i didnt know his age i'd think he was 20 like us or younger...

 

Anyhow my ex was in extreme doubt with him and said how she doesnt like the fact that he's realiant on so many meds...she said to him something like "this isnt you, your all drugged up on these different meds, how do i know that if you were off them you wouldnt want me"

 

To cut this short now....Last night i went round and she wanted my honest opinion on him and i told her the truth and told her that i do find him odd with how he acts and that he is already thinking that he's hers forever.

 

Last night she turned unbelievably cold with me and told me i was just jealous and basically just being really horrible to me - not how a friend would treat another friend thats for sure!

 

This morning i got 2 txts from her, one being "Oh (my name) i cant believe you really think i dont want you in my life! What i want is for us to be best friends and i would never abandon you" and the other "hope your ok."

 

Now i did say to her last night that she turns hot and cold towards this friendship we are trying to have and that its almost like she is finding every little excuse to get rid of me completely out of her life, which i really did feel so.

 

But she only txts me better msgs when its the morning and shes not on MSN to the American....and when shes on MSN late at night its like she ignores me.

 

Do i seem like the back-up guy still, all i want is to be normal friends with her....im starting to think its impossible because of the way she is with me

 

P.S Sorry for the rant i tried shortening as much as i could

[Casmut]

Sounds similar to my ex. Seems like shes just stringing you a long just in case things don't turn well for her she has you to fall on. Its not easy just being friends with an ex, its possible but just not easy. The fact that she pecked you on the lips could mean 2 things...one shes just used to doing that or two she felt like she needed to express herself a little bit. I could be wrong on all of this but i would also be very careful as it sounds like shes just using you.

 

The mere fact that she is involving you in this online relationship with the other dude is completely selfish on her behalf, has she even considered how you feel about the whole thing?

[AllByMyself]

I know what you mean, its been completely wrong of her to involve me in this "thing"....

 

Maybe she's just really nervous about this guy, he does seem really odd - she told me last night that on the 4th day of them getting to know each other he said to her (over mic) "i spoke to a guy at work about you and he said 'This is it'" and then she told me he started crying over the mic........

She said it made her stomach turn as she thought it was really weird that he was on about her already, and i said he must of lied about how long you both had been talking for - i mean 4 days?!?!

 

I mean im really genuinly (sp?) concerned about her.....With all the stuff i have heard and seen he seems really odd :S

 

I think whats best to do is still talk to her via MSN and txt but not too much and just not see her in person....i think its messing her feelings up and thats why she is hot and cold with both of us.

[1guygirl]

sure this guy of hers is a wingnut and very controlling....he will turn abusive cos all the red flags are there

 

but why doesnt she in this early stage jus say "F.O" ???

 

or does she like the drama involving you in it, and also making the other guy flip...which is a bad move if he really is as weird as he sounds btw...

 

ya gunna have to tell her you want no part in her crap, and tell her if she doesnt like him to end it, and its not outta jealousy.

 

i would also cool it with her until she has sorted it cos otherwise she will continue to drag you into it, and down with it, and youre jus getting used as a prop here unfortunately. Nah....this isnt a good or mature situation and i would bail for a while

[AllByMyself]

Well shes still all for him coming over, and says "I'm gonna see how the visit goes"....

 

Your right that i should bail for a while, perhaps if im not around for moral support she will start to panic about this.

 

She has social anxiety and so does he (or so he says)...my ex actually drinks before going to a tutorial at Uni, and she says to me that she isnt nervous about meeting this guy but she also said shes gonna get drunk before meeting him.....

 

Its just f***ed up this whole thing....Its obvious that this guy is just desperate as she has asked him many times "What do you like about me so much" and he never gives her a straight answer....i think the tables will turn and she will end up being used....

 

She is very immature and i have realised that ever since we split and she began chatting to this guy....im thankful i see it now.

 

But she has told me that she really likes him and she gets a warm feeling in her heart when she talks to him....i kept saying yeah its cos he's new and exciting but she wont have it, she thinks its real love, then the next she doubts him like mad.