Hot and Colds Making my Head Spin.

[Shnoodle]

Hello all! I love ENA, for I've found so much advice just by browsing from time to time.

I currently am in the process of possibly moving towards reconciliation with my ex. I don't expect it, I can live fine without it, and I try my best not to read way too much in to my ex's actions.. most of the time.

He broke up with me a few months ago, mostly due to me being insecure about the relationship, and taking it out on him. I worked on myself quite a bit since then, and I still am.

We did the NC for a few weeks, now it's been a few weeks of LC. He's been SO moody. One moment he kinda wants to get back together, next he doesn't know, then he's kind of a jerk, then he doesn't talk to me hardly at all, then he does brief and formal ..and just when I start getting friend zone vibes he goes super flirty. None of that "I love you/I miss you", just super, ridiculously flirty. He'll also try to contact me a lot in a short span of time then back off for a few days, it seems to be a cycle.

While if we get back together it'd be great, I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket.

 

I'm rubber necking from all this, someone get me a neck brace and an ice pack.

 

I don't know whether I'm starting to be chased or he's just sending a butt-ton of "feelers", most of his flirtations are more sexual in nature. So I can tell he's attracted to me, I can tell he's somewhat interested.. I just can't tell if he's interested in me as more than a sex object. We aren't FWB. Our conversations tend to be playful.. but when they are not he talks about himself.. A LOT. Why do I keep going for freaking narcissists!?

 

I've been keeping my chipper self, I feel confident and relaxed and I avoid bringing up anything about the relationship. He does most all the initiating contact, and as I've been keeping busy I'm not always available to be there for him. I would say we are more friendly than friends.. this part I know is positive. At this point I can see it going either way. I have no idea how he sees me or what is going on in his head. I'm not going to ask, and I'm not going to pursue. I'm just going to continue focusing on my life and keeping him in my peripheral vision, so to speak.

 

Someone just please remind me to be patient, I have whiplash going on here! If he was a new guy interested in me, I'd think he was bipolar! The lack of consistency is baffling. From what I've read here it can be kinda normal.. right? If it's not then he's an absolute crazy person, and so am I for being attracted to him.

Plus how much patience before I should give up? (Not like there's really much to give up, I'm doing my best to avoid getting too invested) I've seen people say it can take months or even years of this weird LC.. We weren't even together for a full year. I've also seen people get stuck in a cycle of being strung along for a copious amount of time.

[JusticeLaw9]

Just me, but I don't like a lot of inbetween type answers. Especially if it's something like this. Either we're getting back together or we're not. I'm not playing games with you, too tired and don't have the time.

[Chris Knows]

Just me, but I don't like a lot of inbetween type answers. Especially if it's something like this. Either we're getting back together or we're not. I'm not playing games with you, too tired and don't have the time.

 

Yeah, that is what I do not understand about ex's.

 

The whole dragging things out ... "I still love you, but I am not sure what I want right now" crap.

 

Simple as do you want to work it out or no.

[1guygirl]

Yeah, that is what I do not understand about ex's.

 

The whole dragging things out ... "I still love you, but I am not sure what I want right now" crap.

 

Simple as do you want to work it out or no.

 

word....drives one potty

 

anyway OP...you touched upon a word that warrents permanent NC forever....

 

NARCISSCIST

 

end of story....hate to be brutal but its the only way.

 

all this push and pull is giving him narcisscistic supply....hes lovin it and youre jus a toy for his warped disorder. get them trainers on and run for them hills.

 

xxx

[LoveSoDeep]

I hate to say this but he's human....just b/c he's attracted to you does not mean he wants a relationship with you. To some people being flirty and sexual is just a fun way to compliment others....I know both men and women who do this. They like to see you smile and giggle when they act flirty with you and knows it makes you feel good to feel attractive, but there's no desire behind it from their side. If you feel like he's srtinging you along, he probably is.

[Shnoodle]

Thanks all for your input. I was kind of surprised at the responses, I half expected a mixed bunch of "Go NC!" and Tired Tiger/Cool Chick-esque zen patient wisdom.

 

Just me, but I don't like a lot of inbetween type answers. Especially if it's something like this. Either we're getting back together or we're not. I'm not playing games with you, too tired and don't have the time.

 

This has been a kicker for me. Typically I think that if a man is not crazy about me, and being with me, then he's not worth my time. I feel I deserve at least that. Perhaps that's a big reason that even though my ex is on my radar, I remain aloof. It's only through my reading here that I've seen a lot of emphasis on patience patience patience. It's not my style but I'm giving it a go. I trust him to not be the type to play games, which may end up being a mistake on my part, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. I cannot see his sense behind his actions, but as Al Turtle would say "All people make sense (to themselves), all of the time".

 

 

anyway OP...you touched upon a word that warrents permanent NC forever....

 

NARCISSCIST

 

end of story....hate to be brutal but its the only way.

 

all this push and pull is giving him narcisscistic supply....hes lovin it and youre jus a toy for his warped disorder. get them trainers on and run for them hills.

 

xxx

 

I got a good laugh at that. Maybe I should have said "He's egotistical, stubborn and proud" instead of being so blunt. We both are guilty of this, and often our dueling egos create a lot of chemistry, I'm just better at being humble when I need to be. I've even been jokingly compared to Gaston from Beauty and the Beast..

 

If you feel like he's srtinging you along, he probably is.

 

I can't tell yet, he's always been a difficult person to read. Maybe I'm even sometimes attracted to his unpredictable behavior. When he was a new person in my life, I thought he hated me for some unknown reason. It turned out he had a giant crush on me. I know my coy and stand-offish behaviors make it hard for men to read me as well, I've noticed him getting mildly frustrated with me from time to time.

[engraved2008]

I say .....follow your heart....tell him u want him...he can either say yes or no....life is too short to live with regrets on what might have been.....people may not agree ,but this is my view of life.